So Near yet So Far (GxG)

CHAPTER 13 : SEASON 1 - KATE POV

I was stopped from making another step and turning the knob.

Hindi ko alam kung haharapin ko ba siya or what, yung puso ko ngayon sobrang durog, ang sakit ng katotohanang ito.

Ramdam ko ang paglapit niya sa likuran ko and I was about to turn around when my cellphone rings.

I look at it and it is Vincent, biglang nanginig ang katawan ko seeing his name.

On this part I don't care about Gabbie muna, I need to discuss this matter with Vincent...

I turn the knob and head out of the rooftop, diretso na ako sa elevator papunta sa unit ko.

Hindi ko alam na iilang minuto lang ang ginawa to get to my place, halos nagmamadali ang kilos ko, I really need to ask him...

He cants make me believe in a great lie forever!

Nang makapasok ako sa unit ko, I grab my cellphone and dial Vincent's number since he end it earlier na hindi ko nasagot.

Isang ring lang ay sinagot naman niya agad.

"Hey babe"

Bungad niya that stops me...

Shit! Bakit hindi ako makasagot agad! Hmmmm something is stopping me now.

"Babe? Are you okay? Are you there?"

Sambit niyang muli.

I inhale and exhale before start talking...

"I'm here..."

Sagot ko.

"Oh thank God, akala ko kung ano nang nangyare sa iyo eh"

"Kinabahan ka ba? Like baka mayroon mangyari sa akin? Yung baka ikamatay ko ganun?"

Tuloy-tuloy kong sabi.

"Ha? Ano?"

Naguguluhan niyang tanong.

"You know what I said pero mas lilinawin ko, hindi ba nagaalala ka kasi alam mo na ang feeling ng mamatayan ng babaeng sobra mong minamahal? And you are scared of me na baka mangyare sa akin, though I am not loved more than Digna"

Sabi ko and I can sense how he was stopped when I said the name Digna.

Hindi ko na narinig pa ang boses niya sa kabilang linya.

Parang kinukurot ang puso ko ngayon, hmmmmm, I hate when my father lie to mama, hindi ko halos mapatawad iyon bakit ngayon nangyayari rin ang ganito, hmmmm.

"Please say something...this time says everything I need to know! Every detail! Hmmm sob*sob*"

I said at hindi ko na napigilan pa ang maluha, halos pigilan ko ang maging emotional kay Vincent but not anymore...

"Kate please...hmmmm I can tell you everything pero mas okay kung nariyan ako-"

"-No!!!! Hmmmm you will tell everything to me now! I cant let any moment or time pass na hindi ka pa rin nagsasabi sa akin! I deserved the truth!"

"Pero Kate...it is complicated I can't hurt you,"

"Do you think I am not hurting right now? Sa tingin mo masarap malaman ang totoo sa ibang tao pa mismo? Tingin mo madali iyon? Hmmmm tarantado ka! Sinama mo pa talaga ako rito!?"

Bulyaw ko sa kaniya, all my emotions is now starting to let out, alam kong pagganito na ang reaction ko ay hindi na siya mapakali.

"Kate naman, ang hirap lang kasi ipaliwanag na malayo ako sayo, if I am going to tell you everything at-least I can comfort you, please babe, lets talk about this properly"

Sabi niya pero I can't anymore! I need to know everything! Lahat ng dapat kong malaman sa side niya.

"No! Tell me everything or aalis na ako rito!"

Banta ko.

"Fine!!! Hmmmm, Si Digna is my first love...she is my all, lahat ng pinangarap ko ay siya ang simula, pero nawala lahat noong nagkasakit siya, alam kong mahal din siya ni Gab, pero ako ang minahal niya and when she requested na maging kami, wala kaming magawa, so noong mga ilang buwan na natitira niya ay ginawa namin ang hiling niya, until she passed away"

Paliwanag niya, pero mayroon isang bagay akong gustong malaman..

"Gabbie told me that already, pero ang gusto kong malaman, why you hide it from me? Why do you tell me otherwise!"

"I don't know! Hindi ko rin alam paano ipapaliwanag ang lahat sa iyo, nakaraan na iyon!"

"But you can't hide it from me that you still love her right?"

Tanong ko na nagpatahimik nanaman sa kaniya, sobrang nanginginig ang katawan ko ngayon, natatakot ako sa maririnig ko, pero the way he was stop, I already knew it.

"Hindi mo na need sumagot...hmmmm s**t! Bakit mo ito ginawa sa akin! Pinaasa mo ako ng ganito!"

Galit na sabi ko sa kaniya.

"I am sorry, I did my best, I mean, you are a lot like her, your face and all your gesture...but I am sorry if I still have this thing for her but believe me, Kate, I do love you...I am"

Sabi niya at nang marinig ko mismo sa kaniya ang dapat kong malaman, I end the call right away...

Pabagsak akong napaupo sa floor, parang ang buong buhay ko gumuho.

Hmmmm sob*sob* hmmmm ano bang ginawa ko...bakit ko dapat maranasan ang lahat ng ito! Hmmmm sob*sob* hmmmmmm....

Luhaan akong tinatanong ang sarili ko, mahal na mahal ko si Vincent, inilaan ko na ang buhay ko sakanya still, I am not the person he loves, I am just a replacement for all of them!

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan matatapos ang hagulgol ko, alam kong durog na durog ako ngayon, hindi ko na alam bigla paano ako magsisimula,

I am still crying when someone knocks, sinilip ko na muna, and found out that it is Gabbie hindi ko alam kung bubuksan ko ang pinto pero my hand has its own life I guess, hindi ko na alam ang ginagawa ko.

I open the door with tears all over my face, she looks at me and lifts her hand to caress my face.

"You don't need to hurt yourself, I am sorry for being selfish, hindi ko man lang inisip ang mararamdaman mo I should think of you too"

Seryoso niyang sabi while staring me.

"You just cares for me kasi nakikita mo sa akin si Digna, wala kayong pagkakaiba ni Vincent, parehas kayong wala ibang inisip kung hindi ang Digna na iyon..."

Sagot ko naman, and she didn't respond for a minute..

Binalot kami bigla ng katahimikan, walang mayroon gustong magsalita sa amin until we heard a few steps getting out of the elevator kaya hinila ko si Gabbie papasok ng unit ko.

When the door shut, we slowly look at each other, my eyes still flushed with tears and I can see the sadness within her eyes too.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang nangyayari na sa akin, but at this very moment I need comfort, I need....I need someone...

I suddenly wrapped my arms to Gabbie na nakapagpatulak sa kaniya sa pinto and press her back saka siya siniil ng halik, I kiss her hard na alam kong ikinabigla niya,

Alam kong sobrang mapusok ako ngayon pero I can't help it, I am kissing her now but I don't feel her, she is not responding to me, yung pakiramdam ko of being a replacement is now floating on my system,

The way she is not responding to me is what kills me now, tang ina lang!

I pull off my lips from her and start to speak.

"Hmmmmmm sob*sob* hmmmmmm, why??? Hmmm kiss me!!!!! Why are you not kissing me! You make me feel like I am special yet you can't even make me feel I am loved and appreciated for who I am!!!! Kiss me!!!!!!!!"

Isang malakas na sigaw with tears flows on my face, lahat ng sakit at hinanakit inside me is now uprising,

"Ang sama niyo...ang sama sama ninyo! Parehas lang kayo! Si Vincent na pinaasa lang ako, ikaw na nariyan lang kasi kamukha ko si Digna!!! I am just special all because of Digna!"

I shout and lightly punch her chest, paulit ulit na ginagawa ko and she is just taking it all.

"I am sorry, hmmm sorry for making you feel this way!"

"Sorry won't change anything!"

I shouted in tears sabay tulak sa kaniya papasok ng kwarto ko and slam it.

I drop myself sa bed and cry hard, halo-halong sakit ang nararamdaman ko, I hate them! I hate him!!!!

The pain and tears make me weak that I even fell asleep...

Mag 4am na nang magising ako, everything is quiet now, ang malakas na tugtog sa rooftop ay wala na rin,

I can feel the exhaustion, tiredness of crying, para akong nakalutang kung saan until I thirst for water, I need to drink kaya naman lumabas ako ng kwarto.

When I was about to go to the kitchen I noticed Gabbie sitting on the floor resting her head sa couch,

I almost forgot about what happened earlier, I walk towards her and see that she is now sleeping,

Lalakad Sana ako pabalik ng kwarto to get some blanket for her but I stopped when she hold my hand.

"Hey...."

"I thirst for water so I need to go to the kitchen"

"Want to drink? I have beers on my unit"

Natahimik ako since nagiisip ako, ewan ko kung anong gusto niyang iparating...but I guess she is right I needed a drink...

"Wait here I will just get my cover"

And then she let go of my hand and I head to my room and get some balabal para naman pantakip ng upper body ko, wala na kasi akong bra.

I took it off kanina...

We both get in sa unit niya and then sit at the balcony, she prepares the beer and then sits beside me.

"Your view here is so pretty"

I whisper..

"It is, it's majestic as always"

"Why, why did you go that far?"

Biglaan kong tanong after making my first drink.

"I don't know, I guess I love her that much"

"Is it love? Iba yata kayo ng definition ng love funny that"

I said then have my second drink.

"Siguro nga, mali nga ata ang ginawa ko"

She said then drink her beer.

"Do you regret it?"

"Minsan Oo minsan hindi, she died happy kaya parang okay na rin"

"That's bullshit! Love is supposed to be happy, you don't confuse happiness to sacrifice"

Sabi ko and she is just looking outside katulad ko.

We talk while drinking without facing each other.

"Ikaw ba? What have you done for love so far?"

Biglaan niyang tanong na nakapagpahinto sa akin sa pagtungga but still I remain my composure,

"This....going here and leaving my family, sumama sa tao na sa iilang taon akala ko mahal ako, iyon pala may ibang mahal, that is so much to do pero heto ako, end up knowing to be just a pathetic replacement"

I said and I notice na siya naman ang nahinto sa pagtungga,

Magsasalita sana siya when I stop her...

"-Don't dare to tell me that I am not replacement that I am special, because I am not"

I said sabay lingon sa kaniya and she just look at me too.

"So ano na ang plano mo?"

Pagiiba niya ng tanong.

"I don't know, hindi pa naman siya nakakabalik dito, I can't just go back sa bahay telling them I made a mistake in choosing someone to love...I can't tell them na nagmukha akong tanga rito..."

I said while my voice starts to shake, my emotions suddenly comes out thinking of my family, how can I hurt them after leaving them...

She lifts her hand and starts tapping me on my shoulder.

"At least you have a family that you are afraid to disappoint"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya after saying that.

"Mayroon ka naman hindi ba, kaya nga you are doing a good job on your business kasi you don't like to disappoint them"

Sabi ko and then she looks at me.

"You don't want to disappoint them because you know they love you and you don't want to disappoint them because you know they don't believe in you is different"

I can feel the pain in her tone, I can see how she is being hurt by this so-called family.

"What is the story behind it, I witnessed how they look at you, bakit nga ba?"

"You want to know the truth?"

"Why not"

Sagot ko and she just swallowed her throat before starting to talk.

"I have a situation, before college, actually after high school, I got into accident daw, and makes me in a coma for long time and have an amnesia, sabi nila my biological parents die, and I was left being adopted by this family, they do treat me like their daughter pero all they want is me doing whatever they like, kaya mula noong gawin ko ang gusto ko they treat me like that, they never give me chance to make them proud, siguro mahirap talaga i-please pag hindi mo magulang"

Paliwanag niya na talagang nakapagpatulala sa akin, I am litteraly shocked right now, she has this kind of experience pala, hmmmm, she is more than what I know...

"Condolence for your real parents, hindi ko alam ano ba ang pwede kong sabihin to comfort you maybe because at some point parehas tayo, I lost my memory when I was 15 years old , lahat ng memory mula pagkabata, I was diagnose to have a brain tumor back then and surgery damage my nerve sa brain, so somehow parehas lang tayong kulang-kulang!"

Kwento ko na natawa siya sa huli kong sinabi,

"Well parehas nga, kulang-kulang sa lahat that lead me to appreciate Digna, she was there for me, she makes me feel a complete person that memory is just a part of us but to complete us..."

"Because we can always make a new memory"

Sabi ko na nakatitig lang sa kawalan, alam kong nakatingin siya sa akin ngayon as I am seeing her in my pheriperal vision.

Hindi na siya sumagot sa huli kong sinabi but I have this question na gustong guto kong itanong....

"Hmmmmm tell me, Gabbie, do you still love her even now?"