Undesirable

Jennie was excited to start her new life in her new campus. Now she wants to leave the campus. It's like torturing her everyday. All the 20 years she has spent has never been miserble like this. She never did think that she'd go through such a painful time. All the years she has lived seems so meaningless after ending things with Greg. She never thought that she'd bring out those words. She know she can't say them specially if it's a face-to-face conversation. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, specially Greg. But, how could he went along with that accepted that. He was supposed to say; he was supposed to stop her. He didn't disagree when she finally sent the text saying it's hard for her and she's suffocating, so let's break-up. He knew how hard it was for her, because she was going through depression and the medication didn't help her to calm down most of the times. She's been crying ever since she started to take medicine to help her over thinking things and crying for no apparent reason. She tried her very best to be happy and spend time happily with her now ex-boyfriend, Greg. He used to be a sweet guy, who cared for her; who used to be there for her, no matter in what mood she was. Maybe her mom was right. He stopped losing interest in her when she told him she's been treated for depression. Was he ashamed of her? Is that why he stopped holding hands with her or didn't hug her when she was crying? Is that why he started criticising her clothing style, even though she tried her best to look beautiful in different kinds of dresses; she even wore shorter dresses or dresses which showed bit of her cleavage, for him, even though it's not her style! He used to take her hand in his hand and place a soft kiss on her knuckles. He used to give a simple kiss her temple or on her lips, when he walked her over to her shared apartment, which was down the alleyway by the campus they went to. Her roommates often made fun of the parting of her and Greg at the gate; "Seriously, when are you getting married or move in with him?" in a funny tone. Yes, they always thought Jennie and Greg would be those college sweethearts, who'd get married right after graduating. Not just them. She also believed that they will. He has been talking about their future. His mom has been sending her sweets sometimes. In fact, his family and her family knew about their affair and they were rooting for them. How could such a sweet guy turned into a heartless bastard?! Has she been expecting too much from him? Is it her fault? Should she never have begun this relationship? Or should she never mention about breaking-up with him? Or should she never have told him that she's suffering from a psychological disorder? If she could turn back time, maybe she'll be able to avoid all bad things and mistakes and live happily. She wanted to kill her self, because all the memories have been torturing her endlessly. Even in her dreams, she saw her falling down through a dark pit or was it a tunnel? She fumbled in the darkness searching for even a straw to hold her from falling down any further. Even though she wanted to kill her self, she couldn't do it. She thought it'd be painful. It can't be that much painful than this, could it? This is like killing herself bit-by-bit and everyday, like a routine. Is this karma? What has she done to suffer like this? Waking up everyday to face the reality; the bitter truth; the endless agony in her mind. She felt as if she's trapped in a cell in the dungeons. No sunlight. No water or food. No fresh air. No hope. No wings. Only tears are there. She know she has lost so much weight. On her way to being a living skeleton. No interests at all. She wore dark long clothes; preferably pitch black. Head hanging down, wearing big spectacles to hide her swollen eyes. It seems she has forgotten herself. She didn't even bother to look around or to appreciate the weather. Just the ground has got her eyes on it. It was easier that way. Her roommates tried to cheer her up, but most of the times she shut them off saying she's sleepy or tired and moved into her room. She felt lonely and miserable. Always at the verge of tears. Even tiny things could make her cry. She tried her very best to sit far away from her ex-boyfriend in the lecture halls. None of her roommates followed her major, so she was always left alone in a seat beside a hard cold wall. She's seen Greg smiling and talking with others, seems like he's totally fine and happy to be away from her. Why couldn't she forget him and move on like him? Why is it so harder for her? It's been about 5 months, but she still can't forget her past. She's left with pain. She's only reminded of the painful things. Like how he reacted to her sobs. Like how he criticised her. Sometimes, she wished she could escape reality; to live in another world or maybe aliens could kidnap her. Would she be able to forget the pain and live if she had an imaginary friend? Or should she date someone new to forget everything and move forward? Hopefully, someone will come along to make her happy?