Feelings

Chapter 19

Lisa couldn’t believe what just happened. She quickly stood up as she brought her hand to her lips in shock. She went out of their room and rushed to Rosé’s door and knocked loudly. The door then opened by a frowning Somi.

“Don’t you know how to knock gently?!” Somi yelled.

“I need to talk to Chaeng, is she in there?” Lisa asked and Somi dramatically sighed as she called for Rosé.

“Chaeyoung, your annoying friend is looking for you again!” Somi yelled and Rosé showed up.

“What's up?” Rosé asked but Lisa didn’t answer her and she ended up being dragged away from their room where no one would seen them. “God, why are you sweating?” Rosé asked in disgust.

“I found Jennie.” Lisa said while panting.

“Well...that’s good news I suppose.” Rosè said, puzzled.

“She kissed me.” Lisa blurted.

“What?!” Rosé’s eyes widened in shock and she started bouncing happily. “Oh my god, are you serious?” Lisa was about to open her mouth but she was interrupted by Rosé’s gasp. “Wait, did she confess to you? Why did you run away? Don’t you like her anymore?”

“Okay, first off she’s drunk and I ran away because I was completely shocked and caught off guard. Second...”

“What...?„

“She’s my first kiss, how can I not like her after that?” Lisa lightheartedly chuckled.

“Aw Lisa, you’re so adorable.” Rosé nudged her best friend lightly and then later on gasp, realizing something. “Oh my god, you said she was drunk. Drunk people do things they wouldn’t do or say when they’re sober so that means...” She gasped again. “She has feelings for you too!” She cheerfully clapped her hands.

“I don’t know, Chaeng.” Lisa hesitantly said then sighed. “Just because she’s drunk doesn't mean she means it. She’s drunk, she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” She pointed out.

“Can’t you just tell her your feelings towards her and just get it over with?”

“I planned doing that...but every time I want to say something it wouldn’t just come out. I get nervous and I chicken out. I suck at this.” Lisa sighed. “Especially now that she kissed me, I don’t know how I should face her. Should I tell her that she kissed me? Should I just confess just like I originally planned? Or maybe just wait for her to confess first if ever she do have feelings for me? My mind is a mess right now, I’m a mess right now. Now tell me, what should I do?” She gasped for air because she was talking fast without even pausing.

“Okay, I’m not even good at advising but just breathe first.” Rosé said and Lisa did what she was told. “All I can say is you can do whatever you feel like doing. Don’t just wait because sometimes waiting leads to nothing which is much worse. So it’s all up to you. But I‘m pretty sure everything will be just fine.” Rosé smiled.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Lisa sadly smiled. “And one more thing. Remember Mr. Han? Our family driver?”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He found me earlier.”

“He’s taking you back?”

“I’m not letting him take me back to that hell.” Lisa sighed. “But he told me we need to talk. I’m kind of nervous about this. I feel like he has bad news to tell me but I'm not sure exactly what kind of bad news.”

“Then just talk to him.” Rosé shrugged.

“It actually feels like he’s luring me in an ice cream truck to kidnap me.” Lisa lightheartedly chuckled. “Anyway, I still don’t know how I should face Jennie. I’m getting nervous if she wakes up.”

“Everything will be fine okay. Me and Jisoo are here for you.” Rosé smiled.

Lisa returned to their dorm, her mind was still a blur. She couldn’t think clearly, she was still preoccupied by the kiss. She went to her bed and tried to sleep to at least clear her mind.

***

Lisa automatically opened her eyes when she heard Jennie groaned and she jolted up quickly. Their eyes met and Lisa quickly looked away from her gaze as her heart began to beat faster.

“Lisa?” Jennie recognized and she realized she was in their dorm already. “But... How?” She mumbled.

Lisa didn’t know what she’d do. She just wanted to disappear. But she remembered the piece of paper Han gave her and so she quickly pulled it out of her pocket together with her phone and dialed his number, impatiently waiting for him to answer the call.

“Uh...Lisa?” Jennie called. As if on cue, Han answered Lisa’s call and the latter quickly stood up and went outside, ignoring Jennie. Jennie sighed, leaning on the wall. Everything was so confusing for her. Why would Lisa ignore her like that? Perhaps she did something that Lisa didn’t like for her to act like that.

Jennie took out her phone and dialed Jisoo’s number which the latter picked up immediately.

“Hey Jennie, have you made up your mind?” Jisoo said.

“Surprisingly, I woke up not knowing how I got back in our dorm.” Jennie said.

“What do you mean?”

“Just come over, I’ll tell you.”

After that conversation, Jisoo came to Jennie’s dorm like a lightning bolt. She’s just excited and ready for whatever Jennie was going to tell her other than she was worried.

“Oh god, you look like trash. What happened to you?” Jisoo asked, suppressing a laugh.

“My head feels like it was hit by a hammer.” Jennie described as she massaged her temple. Jisoo sat on the edge of her bed.

“I can smell the alcohol.” Jisoo scrunched up her nose. “But why?”

“I just thought maybe if I drank a little I would write something poetic for our song.” Jennie said and her eyes widened, she quickly looked for her notebook but it was nowhere to be found. “Oh shit.” Jennie said as she heaved a sigh. “I think I left my notebook.”

“So...you just called me to tell me that you got drunk and you lost your notebook?” Jisoo said.

“It’s not just a notebook okay.” Jennie sighed again, her head hanging low. “My heart is there.” She mumbled.

“You know what, I’m sorry if I’m being sarcastic and savage and all but I do care. Just tell me what’s happening, I know you want to tell me something.”

“The song I’m writing...it’s for Lisa.” Jennie said, almost whispering.

“What?” Jisoo gasped. “So...you like Lisa?” Jisoo said, her lips curving into a smile.

“Please keep it a secret.” Jennie pleaded, looking into Jisoo’s eyes.

“Your secret is safe with me.” Jisoo assured her as she tap her hand on her chest. “So you do, huh?” Jisoo teasingly said.

“I can’t blame my heart for that.” Jennie shrugged. “But I don’t think she’s interested in me.” She sighed.

“If you only knew.” Jisoo said under her breath and glady Jennie didn’t catch what she said. “What made you say that?”

“She ignored me when I was asking something. I don’t know where she is now, she just walked out without saying anything. I think I might did something last night that she didn’t like. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have let myself get drunk too much.”

“Well I guess the only good thing about that is you’re finally here, you’re back.” Jisoo shrugged with a sheepish smile.

***

Meanwhile, Lisa was at the park, waiting for Han since the older man told her to meet her there. As she was waiting, she felt guilty for just leaving Jennie. She didn’t mean it but she thought being away from her for a while would let her think of something smart to say to her once she got back to their dorm. She didn’t realize that Han was already sitting beside her, she only noticed when he cleared his throat.

“Mr. Han, I’m sorry I didn’t notice you there.” Lisa bowed her head apologetically.

“It’s alright.” The man warmly smiled. “I’m really glad you gave me a call and decided to see me.”

“I had to.” Lisa said with a bothered expression. “What are you going to tell me anyway?”

“It’s about your dad.” Han revealed.

“What about him?” Lisa furrowed her brows.

“He wanted to see you.”

“See me?” Lisa scoffed. “What a joke. He kicked me out and then now he wanted to see me? No, I’m not doing it.” Lisa sternly said and looked away.

“He wanted to see you before he goes blind.” Lisa slowly looked at him again with a hardened look on her face.

“Is this a bait or something because I'm telling you I’m never going back. They disowned me remember?”

“I’m serious. He has hypertensive retinopathty. It was already worse when he found out.” Han said and Lisa thought for a second before giving him an answer and then she sighed.

“I’ll...I’ll think about it.” Lisa said in a low voice.

“Just give me a call okay? Your mom misses you.” He softly smiled, giving her shoulder a squeeze before standing up and leave.

She took a slow walk back to their dorm, still thinking how she would say to Jennie.

“Okay Lisa, there’s no need to chicken out.” She told herself as she took a deep breath. “Now let’s see, what should I say to her?” She thoughtfully said. “Jennie, I’m really sorry for the way I acted before... Argh! I can’t! I don't know what I should say!” Lisa cursed herself and kept thinking and saying out loud what she should say to Jennie until she didn’t realize she was already at their door. “Here goes nothing.” She took a deep breath before opening the door. But before she could even grab the doorknob, the door opened itself and she was shocked to see Jennie in front of her. “J-Jennie!” Lisa said in shock.

“Do you have anywhere to go again?” Jennie halfheartedly said.

“N-no. I’ll stay.” Lisa stuttered and when she noticed that Jennie was still standing on her way she cleared her throat. “May I come in?” Jennie sighed and stepped aside to let Lisa in. Since their beds are just across each other, they sat on their own beds, facing each other. “Jennie, I—”

“Did I do something? Aside from asking the other day about you and Tzuyu?” Jennie interrupted Lisa, which the latter didn’t expect Jennie to be straightforward.

“First of all, I’m really sorry for the way I acted that day. Everything just got into my head. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” Lisa sincerely said, her head hanging low.

“You brought me back here, didn’t you?” Jennie asked and Lisa just nodded, still not looking at her. “Why can’t you look at me? Did I really do something? Like last night maybe? I can’t remember what happened, I’m really sorry for whatever I did to you for you to be distant towards me.”

“No!” Lisa lifted her head and made Jennie startled. “You didn’t do anything for me to be distant. It’s just me...being awkward. I can’t look at you because I’m awkward.” Lisa said in a low voice, almost like whispering. “I have so much in my head right now, I don’t know what I should say.” Lisa softly chuckled.

“Lisa.” Jennie stood up and sat beside Lisa. “I have a favor to ask you.” Lisa looked at her.

“I want you to watch me perform at the College Day. I have something to say.” Jennie softly smiled.