Denying Destiny

Again and Again and Again

I arrived late for our Civ Rev class kasi hinintay ko pa yung photocopy ni Lian habang nag aaral sya sa classroom namin and since natawag na ko sa recit. Killian was already shuffling the class cards at mukhang tapos na din sya sa attendance when I entered the room.

"I guess attorney Lopez wasn't kidding about you, Ms. Valdez." Again, he said it with his usual voice full of amusement as I passed him. "Sorry, attorney." I tried smiling sheepishly kahit di ko sya tinitignan as I found my seat and sinimangutan ko si Lian at inabot yung mga photocopy nya sa kanya.

"Thank you. Ano yung sinabi nya sayo?" Tinaasan ako ni Lian ng kilay always so curious. I whispered sarcastically, "Wag na daw akong mag pa late ulit para sayo."

Killian positioned himself sa tapat ng table nya and half-sat on it. "I believe we'll start where we left off in the Family Code today. By the way, feel free to raise your hands either to volunteer or ask questions." He reminded our class who most of them are stressed from all the shuffling he was doing.

Bumunot sya ng class card and napakapit si Lian sakin and I shook off her hand. OA, ang dali dali pa ng Family Code, she should be praying to be called. Jusko parang di ako kinabahan last meeting. Well it was different. Di naman yun dahil di ko alam yung mga sagot or di ako nag aral, it was more of the unwelcomed butterflies sa tiyan ko. And the challenge in keeping a straight face.

Nagulat yung mga kaklase namin nang biglang natawa si Attorney Roxas ng konti when he looked down at the class card on his hand (okay di exactly tawa, it was more of a smirk na may konting tunog. Grunt? Do gwapo guys even grunt??). "Ms. Valdez." I couldn't help the surprise plastered on my face when he called me and Killian glanced at me clearly seeing my reaction. Damn why couldn't I control my facial reactions??

Binalik ni Killian yung class card ko sa pile and started shuffling again. Lian groaned from her seat. The class is definitely dying from anticipation. Why do professors do this??? Recitation is enough torture.

Then bumunot ulit sya ng class card. Stressed na si Lian sa tabi ko. Killian shook his head once more. "Again, Ms. Valdez?" He showed the class card na nabunot nya. It was really me. Again. What the hell.

Tanggalin mo na sana yang classcard kong sumasali pa sa pag papahiya sakin! I wanted to tell him. Awow. As if. "Do you want to recite again? Fate seems to want you to go through another round of questioning." He gave me his boyish smile and I just chuckled and shook my head.

"No? Sure ka na dyan?" Killian stared at me waiting for my answer. "I would rather use my immunity sir." I answered and smiled a little.

Tinabi na ni Killian yung class card ko para hindi na nya mabunot ulit. Like what I was thinking. When he called one of our classmates, bumulong si Lian sakin. "Mars! Fate daw!" May matching pag siko pa. "Shut up, Li. Mamaya matawag ka." I whispered. That seemed to shut her up and nakinig na din ako sa recitation and Lian started reviewing her notes.

Nahihirapan akong wag tignan ang professor namin na nakapose nanaman sa desk. Well he wasn't really intentionally posing pero dahil mukha syang model, it felt like that. If phtographers suddenly appear and flank him, I wouldn't be surprised.

I looked around and I can see all the girls staring at him. I knew he wasn't entirely oblivious to the fact on how the girls in his classes react, but he does a good job ignoring them. So I just tried to concentrate on watching my classmate reciting.

After our class, Max called me sa cellphone while papunta kami sa parking. "Stace, pwede kayo ni Lian later?"

"Saan?" Knowing Max, it was another celebrity bash or party or some fancy thing.

"Bawal tumanggi. Friday ngayon wala kayong excuse! Sa club sa BGC, tara." Max said and I made a face. I hated clubbing. It was too noisy and full of drunk people. Well, full of people. Period.

"Friday ngayon tigilan mo ko Stacy ha!" Max knows me too much to understand my silence. "Asan si Lianna? Sya kakausapin ko para kaladkarin ka!" Max continued with a loud voice and I handed my phone to Lian as we reached the parking lot.

Lian and Max talked and from the excitement in the voice of Lian, I knew I had no choice. Well, pagbibigyan ko na si Max kasi usually less than 10 times a year lang namin sya nakikita in person dahil lahat kami busy at sa totoo lang madami na din akong natanggihan na parties nya.

When we arrived sa condo nagpahinga lang kami sandali then naligo na. We decided to have McDonald's delivery for dinner nalang para mas madali. Walang nasa mood magluto.

Lian had almost all her clothes laid down on her bed when I barged in her bedroom para itanong sya kung pwedeng mag t-shirt lang ako at rubber shoes. Na alam kong maiiskandalo sya.

"Ugghhh I can't find anything to wear!" Lian announced frowning and tinaasan ko ng kilay yung mga damit na nasa kama nya. I can't believe how much clothes she has here. Did she empty her closet sa bahay?? "Just pick one noh." I gestured at all her clothes.

"I can't just pick one! Mamaya makilala ko dun yung future boyfriend ko and he wouldn't look at me dahil sa suot ko. Unlike you, na kahit basura yung isuot maganda ka pa rin." Lian was taking this way too seriously. Well, like everything naman. "Except sa simangot mong permanente." Lian added laughing. Hinampas ko sya ng unan. "Gaga."

"Anong susuotin mo?" Lian asked me.

"Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam. Lahat ng nasa cabinet ko pang klase. Except for my jeans and basic shirts. I was actually here to ask you if siguro ok na yung shirt and jeans? Kasi sabi mo nga, kahit basura lang isuot ko, ok na." I hopefully looked at her. Kasing boring ko yung cabinet ko.

"Ay wait, I think I have something here. Di ko na yun nasuot kasi maliit pala yung size. In denial ako na makakadiet pa ko para magkasya sakin. Sayo na." Lian started rummaging her cabinet again. "Pwede to sa high waist slim pants mo na dark then wear your black pumps." She continued then finally threw something sparkly at me.

I held it up in horror. It was a black flowy spaghetti strap cropped top filled with black sequins.

What the hell. I've never worn anything like this. Pag parties I just usually just wear some sleeveless with mini skirt para maiba naman. Pero fine, ang boring nga kasi ng cabinet ko.

"Wag kang maarte dali! Try mo! With the shoes ha!" Tinulak nya ko palabas ng kwarto nya. I made a face at the sequined top.

Just to humor her, I tried it on with my dark fitted high waist jeans and black pumps just as Lian instructed me. I looked at my mirror. Wow, it didn't look as horrifying as I thought it would. Maybe perfect nga to for clubbing. Hindi sya masyadong nakaka conscious and Max will definitely love this.

When I went out of my room, Lian scanned me. "God ang hot mo Stace, damn! Napressure ako sa susuotin ko." Hinatak ako ni Lian papunta sa kwarto nya and inupo sa tapat ng dresser. "Dry your hair and use this. I'll do your make up after." Inabot ni Lian sakin yung automatic curler nya which I already knew how to use.

"Don't set it dun sa pinaka curly, I just want it ng soft waves." She adjusted the settings. "Wag mong iibahin yan." She strictly said. Okkkaaaay mom.

"Di ba ko magmumukhang bibingwit ng foreigner?" I joked and started blow drying my hair. "Gaga, basta making ka lang sakin! I think I need to wear a dress kasi naka pants ka na." Sagot ni Lian who started raiding her cabinet again for the perfect outfit.

Her words didn't made sense to me. Kahit mag terno pa kami, ok lang. Though it would look weird. Baka magmukha kaming promo girls.

After curling my hair while Lian was barking at me how to do it properly habang nagsusukat sya ng damit, sakto dumating na yung delivery namin. I went out to get it kasi busy pa rin si Lian sa pag pili ng isusuot nya. I can't believe going out is this complicated.

Nagulat yung delivery boy pag bukas ko ng pinto. Kinuha ko yung pagkain and handed him the cash. "Maam, artista po ba kayo?" Pabirong tanong nung delivery boy sakin. And I cringed.

I can hear Lian laughing out loud in her bedroom when she heard him. "Oo artista yan! Paautograph ka na kuya saka selfie!" I rolled my eyes. "Kuya joke lang yon. Yaya nya ko." I quickly took the change and closed the door sa delivery boy na nakatitig pa din sakin. It made me awkward.

After eating, I brushed my teeth and Lian did my make up complete with false eyelashes. I thought it was too much pero Lian was enjoying it. Para syang may Barbie doll.

"Li, mag make up ka na, pag late tayo magagalit si beks." I pushed her away from my face when she attempted to put on the loud red lipstick on me. "Ayoko nyan! May tinted lip gloss ako ok na yun." I shooed her away and tumayo na ko.

I decided na kailangan ko ng kahit isang yosi habang hinihintay si Lian and para sa lakas ng loob na mag club ng ganito ang itsura. Lian was actually incredibly fast in doing her own make up na parang masyado syang nahirapan sakin. She was wearing a dark plum fitted tube dress that was around 5 inches above her knees with a slit on her right thigh and she put up her hair in a sleek ponytail.

"Damn, girl. Look who's hot?!" I complimented my friend. Sa sobrang sanay na kong makita si Lian donning her usual business attire, I almost forgot that she used to be a fashionista. Kinain na kami ng sistema ng law school.

"Sana ganito itsura natin araw araw." Lian said lauging. "Wag ka na mag bag. Hawakan mo nalang phone mo and akin na yung cash mo. And fine pati yung yosi mo and lighter." Lian grabbed my stuff and we were out of the door after a few minutes. Lian convinced me we should just take a Grab para makainom daw kami ng maayos. Nakakatakot yon for some reason.

When I get drunk, I usually make a fool of myself. One time, nanampal ako ng blockmate ko na lalake then I f*****g laughed after I did it. Take note, eto pa yung pinaka tahimik at pinaka mabait kong blockmate. Actually, medyo crush ko pa nga yun. Hindi ako naka pasok kinabukasan sa kahihiyan. Until he insisted na okay lang sakanya. Gaaahhhd. Sana hindi yon maulit.

When we arrived, Max was smoking outside the club, waiting for us. "OMG ang gaganda nyo puta! Di naman kayo nagsabing gagalingan nyo!" Max said while surveying us.

"Baks, minsan lang kami lumabas. Kita mo nga yang si Stace, bawal yan sumimangot buong gabi ha. Bantayan mo. Sayang make up." Natatawang sinabi ni Lian habang nakaturo sakin. "I do f*****g smile." I said ng pasungit. Both of them rolled their eyes. "Yeah whatevs, wag kami." Max said.

"Madaming artista?" Lia followed up. "Konti lang. At siguradong mas magaganda kayo." Max absent mindedly answered and hinatak na nya kami papasok sa club.

Pinakilala kami ni Max sa mga iba nyang kaibigan. Halos lahat babae at mga bakla. Lahat part nung bago nyang movie na ginagawa, either as production staff, writers, and cast.

Lian drifted off sa may bar to look for guys, while I remained sa table nila Max doing shots.

"Ohmygod girl, mamaya maghanap din tayo ng boys for you!" Max said and I made a face. "Wag kang corny. Pang aliw lang. Saka sayang yung ganda mo kung nakatago ka lang dito sa inuupuan natin. Wala kang mapapala dito puro bakla yang mga yan!" Pasungit na sabi ni Max at tinuro yung mga kaibigan nya na tumungo sakin in agreement.

"Girl sayang nga ganda mo. Ayaw mo bang mag artista? Talent scout ako! I can make you famous like that." At pumitik yung isang baklang kaibigan ni Max for emphasis. "Nako, cannot be to. Future lawyer to. Kung di lang to nagaabogado, kinuha ko na tong artista, kung mag attitude to parang diva e." Sagot ni Max ng tumatawa, at sinimangutan ko sya. I took my shot. "Ang taray ni ate girl! Well if you change your mind, I can manage you. Kahit commercials lang." Sagot ulit ng friend nya. Jusko I don't even think I could act.

After a while, hinatak ako ni Max kasama nung kaibigan nyang mga babae na indie film actresses para magsayaw sa dance floor. Nahihiya ako, pero dahil di naman ako mag isa, at dahil din siguro naka inom nako, nawala din eventually yung hiya ko and I found myself loosening up and actually enjoying.

Okay Stace, parang college lang to, loosen up! And I found myself dancing to the beat of some dance song I absolutely don't know.