Verge of death

My next destination,

The next morning when i woke up i found that my mother in law was doing some preparations for me. She told me to take my clothes out and pack up for going to Waziristan as soon as possible. My sister was also married to a man in Waziristan like five years ago and she had two kids too but she seemed all fine living with them and never complained of any thing. After few hours my mother in law handed me over some letters and told me to be very careful about the crates that were packed in a wagon with vegetables surrounded by it. I was happy but scared at the same time because i was going back to my homeland but i didn't know what was my next destination. My mother in law told me that I should be like my sister and knowing about her sacrifices, intelligence and hard work she decided to chose me for this purpose. She told me that i'll be returning back after a month after i am done with my business. We started traveling back to the border, even though the security was there but they were so expert in carrying the crates across the border that they didn't even troubled to check it. I had five thousand rupees given to me by my mother in law for transport and our meals and we were like five girls and two women. Stepping back on my homeland was the best feeling that i had in my life. We kept on traveling for hours and then reached our destination. They dropped us by a house where we entered and there were three rooms. The house was dead silent, Black and brown mold dotted the ceiling in clusters, evident of rain seeping through the roof. I quietly entered the dark living room. Windows covered with dust and dirt and a howl echoed through the house. After some time my sister came inside the room in which i was having some rest. As i saw her i ran towards her and hugged her tightly. Stream of tears started from my eyes and i couldn't stop crying as there was a lot more raw pain inside me that had eaten me away from the inside like a termite eating a wood from the past one month. My sister name was Zarmina and last time i saw her was like one and half year ago. She was happy to see me but i could feel some sort of changes in her entire personality. She was more calm and silent than before and it made me a little bit confused. I asked her if she can contact mom and dad and she said that she hadn't talked to them for past three months. She further asked me about how my married life was and i tried to explain every single night of my life. I also told her that i want to run away from this life back to where we lived, in the most beautiful place in all the world. I could feel that she was unresponsive to all my words, kept silent in the beginning and then she said that this is my life and i have to cope with it. I told her that Life isn’t just about taking in oxygen and giving out carbon dioxide. You can stay there accepting everything from the Taliban or you can make a stand against them. She scolded me and whispered slowly not to talk against them as its risky. I being stubborn continued on talking and saying we don’t have any option. We are dependent on them to learn the Quran. But you just use them to learn the literal meaning of the words; don’t follow their explanations and interpretation. Only learn what God says. His words are divine messages, which you are free and independent to interpret. She got closer to me, grabbed my right hand tight and pressed so hard on it and said "It 'll take your life, its been very hard for me to settle here in this society, don't create problems for me. I am with them at any cost and you cant do anything about it". In the mean time bombs went off when I was still in the room, so close by that the whole house rattled and the fan above the window fell down. I closed my ears with my hands and started crying but my sister seemed so calm as nothing had happened. I inquired her about her husband and she told that he had sacrificed his life and she was living with her kids growing them up for successful life. In my heart was the belief that God would protect me. If I am speaking for my rights today and for the rights of girls, I am not doing anything wrong. God wants to see how we behave in such situations. There is a saying in the Quran, ‘The falsehood has to go and the truth will prevail. I went outside the house putting my abaya on and inquired some of little kids about the blast, they said that it was a blast in local school. I further asked about casualties and they said that they don't know and they need to go there to get the left overs. I remained hopeful and believed in my sixth sense that there would be a day when there is an end to this destruction. What really cause me depression was the looting of the destroyed schools, the furniture, the books, the black boards were all stolen by local people and this made me feel like they were all dragging the dead bodies to further death. These organizations obviously had the support of unseen forces. But whatever was happening was not simple, and the more i wanted to understand the more complex it became. I wanted to continue my education and islam has given this right to us and says we should seek knowledge, study hard, learn the mysteries of our world and explore it.