Verge of death

Running away,

Time passed and there was no change in my life, I couldn't find any means of hope. Life would be this much unpredictable i never had in my mind. They'd send me every single day to the local gathering and asked me to learn and focus on what they are conveying. I already had spent a week in this condition in Waziristan. My sister was given a lot more respect and she was quiet expert in doing the speeches. She would at times scold me hard for not learning or taking interest in them.

The next day, it was quiet early in the morning and all other girls were sleeping. I heard that the terrorist had made the video of the journalist before killing her and it was quite viral on the internet. All those who had a cellphone would show the video to each other with terror in their eyes. Curfew was on the town 24/7, the streets were all bleak and there was no sign of life. I grabbed my abaya and went straight outside the house, i could see the kids in the streets rushing to a specific direction. I followed the kids and reached a crowd but i kept a distance between me and the crowd so that nobody could notice me. I could hear a lady screaming out loud laying on the ground with abaya on and there were two men, one holding her feet tight and the other had extension cord in his hand. They had covered their faces and were hitting the lady on the ground. Crowd had surrounded her and she was screaming out loud calling for God's help. I asked a little kid there why she was punished so he said it was the Their right to thrash women and that the girl was being punished for coming out of her house with another man who was not her husband. But some claimed the commander ordered the flogging to get revenge after the girl refused to accept a marriage proposal. God know what the actual reason was but the voices that were made by the girl were full of pain. She was only spared of hitting for a minute when her abaya moved a little bit away from her feet and they covered them back again. Later on i was told that she was dragged to the local building. This scene made me scared so much that i ran back into my house closing the door tightly behind. I couldn't stay in there even for a while. I felt like I am out of a heaven that everyone else is in and I am the silent observer of life around me, and I am not a part of it. I wanted to get back to the life that i had in the past. I rushed to the room and took the five thousand rupees that my mother in law had given me and my Quran memorization certificates. All i wanted at that time was to escape from them and thats what i was thinking about. I had decided to fight for my rights against my husband and my family. Of course, I couldn't fight the Terrorist- the government should deal with them but I will do what my husband and his family did to me, I will fight him but I will do it via the courts so i decided to run away. Without letting anyone know i came out of the house and asked a ricksha driver to take me to bus station. From there i took a bus to Peshawar and it was almost 7 hours drive. My certificates helped me to travel otherwise i had no other source of identification with me. All over my journey i thought that God has given me another chance to live my life again in a right way, and my heart soared, mending itself once again. I felt like i was saved and waves of happiness and relief was washing over all my pain and i could feel it soaked through my bones. From Peshawar i took another bus and headed to Swat where my home was. It was almost night time when i reached my home, knocked on the door and my father opened the door. I hugged my father tightly and told him that how much i missed them. He seemed happy at the beginning but after a while he pushed me a little bit backwards asking me where my husband was and why i am all alone. I didn't want my father to know that i ran away from my home, as he was strict by nature, so i had to lie to him that my husband dropped me at the bus station and he had to go for an urgent gathering so he'll be coming back a day after tomorrow. My throat was all swollen and I couldn't utter a word. My tears were about to burst but i kept a fake smile on my face and didn't tell my father what happened to me in the past five months. I went straight inside my mother's room while she was praying. I couldn't wait for her to complete her prayer and hugged her. While having my head on her shoulder rivers of tears started to stream from my eyes and within a minute her shoulder was all wet because of my tears. I kept on talking to my mother how I had been imprisoned, tortured and violently beaten by my husband and his family because she refused to work with them in their campaigns. She completed her prayer, rubbed her right hand on my head and said "I had this feeling in my sense that you wouldn't be able to bear their torture but i had no other option left, and your father had forced me to do this as zarmina was happy too, he thought. Forgive me if you can for what i've done to you my little doll"