Let Me Be Who I Am

Chapter 5

Rhena POV:

I am in my father's grave now, standing in front of his grave I am confused what to do. After his death I never wanted to see him, the hatred I had was too deep. I know it's unhealthy for my mental state, but it's hard for me to forgive him. At Rain and Tamara's insistence, I finally told my brother what really happened that day before our parents divorced.

Hearing my explanation, my brother finally understood where my hatred for my father came from. It is not easy for me to come see my father. Even though he was buried 6 feet underground, seeing his name on the grave still carried anger and hatred in my heart ...

"You need peace, for that you have to forgive papa" said my brother. He's right. I need peace in my mind, this anger and hatred is destructive. Finally, after gathering my courage I came here.

"Halo papa, its me Rhena, its a long time since we last meet each other... I'm sorry pa, sorry I never cared about you. Sorry I never wanted to know about your whereabouts until big brother found me. Sorry it took so long for me to come here... But pa don't blame me for what I did, it's your fault. Why pa, why did you have to get drunk that day and beat mama really badly. Why did papa give mama a reason to leave papa?... I miss you pa, i miss our old memories when we had fun together as a happy family. Now I only have big brothers in my side, big sisters hate me for being gay. What can I do now pa, if possible I want to go back to the past and change everything ... "I stood in front of his grave and crying.

Rain POV :

"Do you think she will be okay baby" Ara asked me

"I don't know honey, but she needs this." We both saw Rhena from afar and saw her standing in front of her father's grave. After successfully returning from the dead, I search for her and my daughter. 5 years of fruitless searches, I almost gave up until that day Ara and Leon called me and said they found Rhena and my daughter. What a coincidence that Rhena's brother is the mate of Ara's brothers.

The first time I saw her after 5 years in the supermarket that day I had mixed feelings. With the disguise necklace I had, I used it to disguise my face so that it wouldn't be recognized by her. There are many things I want to say to her but the first question I want to know how my daughter is doing. Overheard her conversation with Ara that my daughter is in our house made me impatient to go home and dragged Ara without saying goodbye to Rhena. I know it's bad attitude but I want to see my daughter. 

 5 years It's been 5 years since I last saw my little daughter, the last time I saw her she was only a few months old. Never once did I expect that day would be the last day I saw my little daughter. That bastard he killed me just because I talked to a foreign man, he even dared to accuse me of cheating behind him. Doesn't he think I just pushed his daughter out of my p***y? The man he is a pediatrician, I just asked him how to take care of a newborn because this is my first experience. 

My little daughter, she has grown up well. Hearing her call Rhena mommy, made me very sad, that call should be for me. I know Rhena deserves get call mommy from Alina but I can't lie if I'm jealous of her and want Alina to call me mom too. So far, Rhena has been taking care of Alina and for my daughter, I am just a stranger. It hurts to admit but that is the bitter truth I have to accept.

"How can we help her" Ara asked me with a worry in her voice.

"My love, don't worry, if she needs help she will tell." I kissed ara's forehead to calm her down ...

"Are you going to tell the truth about yourself?" Ara looked at me.

"She already knows that I am Nadia, what more truth should I say" I pretended not to understand what my fiancé meant.

"The truth that you are no longer human since my friend managed to bring you back from the dead and the truth that Rhena is our second mate."

"How can I do that, we just meet each other after A long time and we just got back together. I don't want to scare her with that information."

"But we have to tell the truth, I know you are very happy with this information. Knowing your old best friend and also your first love is our second mate" said Ara softly and looked into my eyes. Just like what she said, i am very happy to know Rhena is our second mate.

"Let's see where this relationship leads before telling Rhena the truth."

"Okay baby if that's what you want, but remember whatever happens I will always be there for you and also for Rhena. You two my mates, I dedicate myself to help you two whatever happens in the future"

"Thank you my love. I cant stop say thsnks You found me that day and brought me back from the dead. Even if I was no longer human now, I still thank you for giving me a second chance to live."

"Say thanks to my friends, who brought you back from the dead."

"What do you think the two of us should do in return, your friends said it's not free."

"Let's think about it later, maybe my friends said that just to scare us both. It's been 5 years and they haven't turned up asking for repayment for the help given. Let's focus on Rhena, she needs us both now."

"I really hope that whatever they want for the repayment is not too difficult for us to do."

Rhena POV:

"Are you okay Rhe" asked Ara while holding my hand tightly, clearly visible and in her eyes. After I finished visiting my father's grave we picked up Alina and now the four of us are on the playground just like Alina wanted... Ara and I were sitting on one of the benches while Rain and Alina had fun enjoying the bond between mother and child... We told Alina the truth and it was surprising that she accepted it so easily... Rain had removed her necklace and was wearing het true appearance... It's still strange for me to accept the fact that my best friend is still alive, it's not that I'm not happy but I need time to get used to seeing her alive and well... I cant call her Nadia again but i must call her with new name because she doesn't want to be called by her old name.

"No, visiting my father's grave for the first time made me feel uncomfortable. It's strange to see that man now buried 6 feet underground, how he caused such a great mess in my life with his drunken habits" I replied in a small voice, my eyes still swollen from crying too much at my father's grave before.

"Everything will be fine, it's different from before. You are no longer alone now, you have me and Rain. We will always be there for you." Ara wiped the tears that unconsciously came out.

"Promise"

"I Promise, we will never leave you"

"Keep your promise Ara, because I don't want to lose the girl I love for the second time, not anymore. I love you Ara, you and Rain. You may not believe my words because we both just met but I'm telling you the truth. This feeling, It also surprised me. I never imagined I could fall in love again after losing Rain for the first time, but this is what happened. Not only did I get my best friend who was also my first love back, but I also fell in love for the second time with her fiancé, Its you. I know my confession is too sudden but please believe me what i said. it's just that I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not anymore. "I said as I looked into her eyes.

"Rain is right about you, you are always honest. I've never met someone who is honest like you." She looked at me with a smile.

"I'm not always honest, if I was like what you say, I would tell Rain my true feelings when we were still living in our old town. Because I was a coward, I lost her. Because my fault Alina had to grow up without the love of her birth mother. All the damage has been done. "

"Hey it's not your fault, at that time you only did what you thought was right. Don't blame yourself too much for everything that happened, you need to learn to forgive yourself."

"B-but i-iam a coward, i-if ..." I couldn't continue my words when Ara's lips gently kissed mine. A kiss that was meant to stop me from talking bad about myself. My body stiffened with surprise by the sudden kiss, she took my ladder put it on her waist and my hands automatically hugged her waist. We keep kissing and I feel her tongue lick my lower lips but i dont know what that means. Ara was getting impatient and biting my lip slowly making a groan in surprise at what she did. She took the opportunity to slip her tongue into my mouth. The kiss is getting hotter and hotter and I can feel my body very aroused and my core getting wet. The two of us gave up kisses out of need for oxygen and gasped for the kisses we shared.

"If you don't stop saying bad about yourself I'll kiss you again and again here" she gave me a firm look.

"Maybe I should do it again if it means you'll kiss me again" I said softly

"oh baby if you want me to kiss you just say, i never reject your soft lips" she said with a wink ... I blushed with her answer.

Third person POV:

"Ma'am we found them" one of the detectives I hired told me the news I had been waiting for long time.

"Where are they?" I asked curiously.

"Here Ma'am, both of them are in this city. According to the information I got, that girl came to this city 5 years ago, and that man has lived in this city for a long time."

"Good job, I'll transfer your salary." I smiled at the photo the detective had given me. Finally, after being separated from my children, I will meet my children too.

"Who is this little girl" I asked, pointing at the little girl in the photo

"That's your daughter child Mom"

"I have grandchildren?" I asked, not trusting the information.

"Yes ma'am, she is 5 years old"

"My little girl is now be a mother, oh my God how is it? Will she accept me back in her life." I could not hold back my tears anymore, feeling guilty for leaving my children when they still needed me in their life. I was worried that it was too late and the two of them would reject me.

"Calm yourself, maybe she will accept you like your eldest daughter did." My husband said.

"She is different, did you not hear what my first daughter said. My youngest daughter she cannot control her anger and it is not easy for her to forgive people who hurt her."

"If she can't forgive you now, don't give up. Try to keep apologizing and show that you are sorry. One day she will surely forgive you for what you did in the past."

What my husband said it sounds so good to be true, I really hope my little girl will forgive me. I remember she really like me more than her papa and she always with me and cant leave my side. It was my fault to go and leave my children but at that point I was hurt. Seeing my husband drowning in his bad habits made me very tired. After the divorce I wanted to take care of my children but at the same time I also wanted to feel my freedom. Desperate for economic pressures I married random men just to survive. Until one day I really got tired and left my children. My husband is now the fourth man I have married, I don't know if my other two children will accept him as their new father or even hate him.

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A/N

Rhena's feelings are the ones I experienced when I heard the news that my father passed away on February 5, 2021. My sister cried until her eyes were swollen but to be honest I don't feel sad about his death, its really different from my grandmother's passed away October 2017. When my grandmother died I felt very sad and it took me a long time to recover from the sadness.