A Shadow's Embrace

“Guys, the announcement of our grades is out! It’s already posted at the Seniors Building!” I only glanced at that classmate, then returned my gaze to what I was reading. Soon after, I heard my classmates complaining and talking all at once. They literally just got louder. I don’t understand what they’re even complaining about if they really studied well, they wouldn’t have anything to worry about. But then again, instead of reading their lessons or doing advance study, they prioritized all kinds of distractions. They call it a way to pass time, entertainment until they completely lose focus on their studies. And I can’t really blame them for whatever choices they make in life. Because I’m not them. All I know is that I’m far, far different from them. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt the gap between us, even though we’re the same age. That’s also one of the reasons why I don’t have friends in this classroom. Not because I can’t get along with anyone our vibes just don’t match. While I’m busy preparing myself to study, they’re busy acting cute in front of their crushes and indulging in puppy love. Like, it’s totally fine if it serves as inspiration. But if it becomes a distraction? That’s definitely not okay. I mean, the main reason they go to school is to study, not to flirt. My train of thought was cut off when three of my classmates suddenly turned their attention to me. “Pres, have you already checked your grades?” I simply shook my head in response, still focused on the book in my hands. “Come on, Kira, there’s no need for Pres to check her grades. She hasn’t left the top spot since elementary! That’s why it’s obvious Pres is the unbothered queen!” I could only sigh at what she said. We’re currently in Grade 9, and just like she said, I’ve maintained my position as Top 1 since then. That’s also one of the reasons why I’m well-known not just among my classmates, but even among our teachers. When it comes to academics, I’m often invited to represent the school in various competitions. And most of the time, I’m the youngest among those chosen to represent Gregorian High School, one of the public schools here in Gregorio. “Do you want to come with us, Pres? We still haven’t seen our grades.” Why do I even need to come with them? I just glanced at them and shook my head. They immediately left, and I noticed that only a few noisy classmates were left in the classroom. I’m sure they’re already gathered there. That’s why I didn’t go with the three who invited me. I’ll just check my grades later. Most of our subject teachers haven’t started coming in yet anyway the first quarter just ended, and they’ve only recently released the final grades. In the meantime, I’ll stay here to read and take notes for my advanced study. I need to balance all my subjects. I don’t want to have any weaknesses or topics I don’t understand, especially when it comes to getting low scores on quizzes or exams. It’s not because I always want to be on top. It’s just that I need to maintain the image of someone who always is. I paused in the middle of taking notes when several classmates suddenly barged in, squealing. The noise was irritating painful to the ears. I rubbed my temples as more of them entered, laughing, screaming, gossiping, hitting each other playfully as they walked in. Honestly, it made me want to gag them and tie some of them to their seats. I stood up and decided to go to the restroom. It felt like I was about to explode any second, especially since I hadn’t even finished writing yet. I have a long patience but it felt like it was snapping. I couldn’t help but notice that whenever I passed by my classmates, they suddenly went quiet and stared at me. Was it that obvious that they were annoying me? Well, if I couldn’t say a word about my frustration, then I guess my face said it all. The restroom is located between the Juniors’ Building and the Seniors’ Building. You’ll pass by only one neighboring section, which always seems to be a gathering spot for students. There are always people hanging around the doorway or peeking through the windows. Honestly, I’m not even surprised anymore especially with all the screaming and how they react like worms sprinkled with salt whenever they catch a glimpse inside. Just imagining myself acting like them makes me sick. Sure, maybe we all have different perspectives in life but that’s exactly the kind of mindset I dislike the most right now. Especially when people say it’s “not normal” for someone to not have a crush. Huh? Does that even make sense? For me, what’s really not normal is having no concern for self-improvement or for the country’s issues as a citizen. Even the education crisis here in the Philippines, which directly affects us students. I was already inside a restroom cubicle when I heard two students enter. One went into the cubicle beside mine, while the other stayed outside. “Girl, I seriously have the biggest crush on him! I swear, he’s so perfect! I already feel like I want my title to be Mrs. Castilla!” said the girl outside the cubicle. “Go for it, bestie! I’ll support you as long as I get to be the side chick! You’re already claiming him anyway!” replied the girl in the cubicle next to me. I was about to flush the toilet when the girl outside spoke again, making me stop. “Oh stop it! He’s my husband go find someone else! He’s the only one who defeated Rhian, who’s always Top 1! This time, I know he surpassed her!” “So true, bestie. I wonder what that girl’s reaction is! Hahaha! She’s so arrogant!” “Same. Like, just because she’s always Top 1 doesn’t mean she can ignore everyone!” After that, I immediately stepped out of the cubicle. I wasn’t going to stoop to their level. The girl at the sink looked shocked when she saw me. We met each other’s gaze through the mirror. I looked her over from head to toe, then paused at her face when I saw she was frozen in place. I simply raised an eyebrow and excused myself to wash my hands. Moments later, her friend came out of the cubicle, equally shocked. They both bowed their heads and hurried out, even pushing each other as they left. Seriously the girl didn’t even wash her hands. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, remembering what they said earlier. I’m not Top 1? Is that true? It still wouldn’t sink in. How did that even happen? Then who’s Top 1 if it’s not me? That’s impossible. I’ve never neglected my studies not even once. I’ve always given my best just to stay on top. To maintain being Top 1. So why? What happened? I hope those two were just joking. I hope it isn’t true. Those thoughts filled my mind as I decided to head to the Seniors’ Building. Even before I reached it, other students were already staring at me, which only made me more nervous. I quickly went to the announcement board. It wasn’t hard to find my name since I was always at the top. But when I saw it, it felt like the ground disappeared beneath my feet. Ryecius Evyn Harzuan — 98.8% (Second Place) Seriously? My eyes immediately burned as I looked at the name that replaced me as Top 1. Mhuentier Zosimo Castilla — 100% Castilla? The name felt familiar especially the surname. I stared at it harder. What is a Castilla doing here? The Castilla clan has their own school, and they’re a well-known family in Gregorio. I’ve competed against a Castilla before, during a quiz bee the Battle of the Wise. That was last year, and it was also the first time I became second place, defeated by a boy with the same surname. It feels like I’m starting to curse that name, and I hate feeling this way. I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling, unable to keep looking at the board. Some students had already started staring at me, and the thought that they might see me cry irritated me. I walked away quickly, feeling like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I couldn’t hold my emotions back. That’s why I went straight to the library there were fewer people there, and it was almost break time anyway. Just as I expected, there was barely anyone inside except the librarian. I immediately went to my usual spot on the second floor, tucked between the bookshelves near the window. My vision was already blurring, and the tears I’d been holding back finally fell. I clutched my stomach as a dull ache formed, my breathing becoming uneven as my crying turned into quiet sobs. I curled up, resting my face against my hands on my knees. After a while, when I finally calmed down, I noticed a boy standing by the window, arms crossed, watching me. When our eyes met, I raised an eyebrow. What is he doing here? So he’s that Castilla again. His real name is Mhuentier Zosimo? I frowned in embarrassment, realizing he had seen me cry. Of all the people it just had to be him. “Are you alright? Um… I’m sorry. I was just on the other bookshelf when I heard someone sobbing,” he said cautiously, as if testing my reaction. I stood up abruptly and fixed my messy hair. But I paused when he suddenly handed me a handkerchief and a bottle of water. I only stared at them and walked past him. But he caught my hand and, without hesitation, placed the handkerchief and bottle into it. I was about to complain to say I didn’t need them when he walked away first. I could only tighten my grip on what he gave me. As he was going down the stairs, he glanced back at me, as if reading my eyes, then smiled gently and nodded. I stood there, stunned, watching him disappear from view.