The Life of Zara

CHAPTER TEN

My heart is racing. I'm feeling nervous and and excited at the thought of seeing Zara again. I haven't seen her the whole day since I dropped her in the morning. I don't know what is happening to me. I'm feeling guilty with my past actions. How can I be so heartless. I parked the car outside. Taking my steps double at a time I rushed to the door. I heard some sounds. I follow the direction it seems to come from. It seems like someone is crying. I stopped dead in my tracks. Zara is curled up. Rocking her body back and forth sobbing. She's trying to muffle the sound with her hands.

The sight is not pleasing at all. I feel my chest tightens. Anger started coursing through me. Who made her cry?

Trying to play innocent? You did worst. my inner self mocked and I wince at the truth.

I should make up for my past. We should start anew. I walked closer and knelt before her. Only then did she acknowledged My presence.

"Zara.." I tried to sound as soft as I could.

She gave me a blank look.

"Zara.." I reached out for her but she stepped away before I could touch her.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to comfort her one way or the other. I'm going to earn her forgiveness.

"Zara please talk to me. Who did this to you?"

"Why do you care? You are no different from the person that did this! Does it not please you to see me like this? The only thing I ever did wrong is coming into your life. She pushed past me and ran inside the house."

She's right. I'm no different. The truth hurt more than anything.

The only wrong thing I ever did is coming into your life.

Where did you come from Zara?

I walk inside the house. I made my way straight to Aunty Hafsa's room. But some one pulled me by my shirt.

"Mom.."

"What's on your mind? You didn't even notice me here." She scolded.

I scratch my head thinking of what to say. "I.. I was going to see aunty Hafsa."

"Aunty Hafsa or Zara?"

What's wrong with mom today? Why is she acting like this all of a sudden.

"Aunty Hafsa is calling you." Hawwa announced looking back and forth between mom and I.

"What's wrong?" She asked looking at me.

"Nothing.

Mom I'm going to see aunty Hafsa." She nodded and I left for her room.

"Aunty Hafsa" I called when I stepped into the room.

"My son ..." She smiled at me.

"How is work?"

"Work is fine. How are you feeling?" I'm worried for her. She's someone dear to me. I'm more close to her than I am with my mom. It kills me to see her like this.

"I'm fine my son. "

"I want to talk you."

"Yes. Aunt. Is something wrong??"

"No. Not now. Come to me when you're free. Not when the house is full."

I nodded my head. I wish she could just tell me what she wanted to say.

"You should take your wife and go home. It's getting late."

Okay. I prayed for her and went out.

Mom and going home.

"Hawwa call Zara for me tell her we are going home."

"I want to talk to you. Come see me tomorrow." My mom Stated pressing her lips in a thin line

"What's wrong mom? Can't you tell me now? What's wrong with everyone?" I frowned.

"Just come see me tomorrow. She went out of the room."

I walked to the car and hop in. I left the door open and didn't start the car. After what seems like 30 minutes Zara came in and opened the door. She sat down facing the window without a word. I close the door and started the car. The entire ride was silent. None of us said a word.

We both jumped out of the car. I made my way to open the door when I realized Zara wasn't following me. I turned to find her intently staring at the wall lost in her own thoughts. Why would she stare at the wall? Is something up there?

That's were you left her to sleep for a whole night on a rainy day her first day here.

Don't act like you can't comprehend why..

Yeah right. What was I thinking to have done that. How could I be such a demon. Hurting a girl that's already broken?

"Zara Lets go inside okay?" I can't shake the guiltiness from my voice.

She turned and stared at me with innocent eyes. They are red and puffy. She look vulnerable, broken and strong at the same time. My heart soared. I stared at her and all I wanted to do is mend her broken pieces. Comfort her and love her. Did I just say love her? Do I like her? I have always liked her from the first time I saw her. She was beautiful and attractive. But when I realized who she really is. How she slept around and caused pain to my family I was hurt and disappointed. My like turned to hatred and to disgust when I saw her with that guy.

When you look at her she's the definition of Innocence but she's far from being Innocent.

Can I really forgive her and start anew with her. Can I forget all I have seen and heard?

"Yaya Ahmed... "

It was so soft I could have almost missed it. I don't like how I feel when she called my name.

"Don't call me yaya (brother)

I'm your husband now."

"Let's go inside."

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She did not just did that...

Well she just did it!

I stared at her door trying to think of what just happened.

I practically almost begged her to eat dinner with me. I got us takeaway before picking her up. So she doesn't have to cook dinner. But when I asked her she turned away and slammed her door shut without a word. I feel disappointed. I want to feel angry but I have no right to with the way I treated the girl.

What I'm I supposed to do now? Eat and go to sleep?

Noway!!

I said I'm going to earn her forgiveness and I would not stop until I earn it. She's going to change her ways and I'm going to forgive her. It's going to be hard though.

I knocked on her door but no answer. I waited for another few minutes before knocking. She's not going to open. I turned the knob frustrated and the door cracked open to my surprise. I walked inside and saw her lying on the praying mat right on the floor.

"Zara... "

I realized she's sleeping and I stepped closer. The light is on and I can see her face. The lines of dried tears all over her face. I closed my eyes tight and opened them again. Her hand is holding on to the picture I saw earlier loosely.

This is a broken girl that's missing her family. She's living among strangers. Perhaps guiltiness is eating her up for leaving them. How is she coping with it? She's young and have made a mistake. I picked her and placed her on the bed. I look at her one more time and dragged myself from her.

The diary!

Nope. You're not going to touch that. It's her privacy. Curiosity is eating me up.

I suddenly want to know about her. Her family and where she came from. I definitely need to come see you aunt Hafsa. I let my anger to lead me on and I'm already regretting what I did. How could I hurt a girl? A young girl for that!

"Think of me like you would your sister."

I swallowed hard at the memory. I turned to leave when her voice stopped me.

"Don't leave..."

Did she just said not to leave?

Is she awake all along?

I felt happy and giddy. She said not to leave. She wanted me here. She's calling for me.

"Don't leave please..."

"They are after us..."

"They killed him..."

"There going to kill us too..."

I moved closer and knelt before her. She's sweating and her body is shaking. She's having a nightmare. I called her name but she couldn't here me. I began to shake her and call her name at the same time. I'm not the only demon in her life. She has another haunting her in her sleep as well. They way I saw her shaking and sweating trying to fight it off made me shed tears. She look so damn pitiful. How did she survived this nightmares. Most importantly why? What's the cause?

When I was finally able to make her wake she stopped murmuring and stared at me with frightened brown eyes.

"It's okay I'm:here." I murmured as I held her in my arms trying to soothe her. I don't ever want to let her go. She reached out and touch my face. When her hand made contact with my skin she quickly removed it and closed her eyes. Her long lashes fanning her cheek. She tried to wiggle out of my hold but I held her tighter.

"Don't try to fight Fatima. Just for now let me take care of you. Just for now baby. I'm not going to let you go."

"It's just me." After a few minutes she stopped struggling and stayed still in my arms.

"I'm going to read for you. It will calm you down." I placed my mouth close to her ear and began reading the Quran for her. After sometime she fell asleep leaving me going over the entire time I have been with her as I stared at her beautiful innocent face.