Clinging to Friendship

Chapter 4

“No! You are not going to-to control my life! I am almost 18 years old, almost an adult. You can’t tell me that I’m no longer allowed to be friends with him. That’s absolute bullshit,” I yelled at him, pushing myself up from the table in a rage.

“Are you arguing with me Kian Okoye?” My father asked, his eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, I am arguing with you. I do my best to please you all the freaking time but you’re so stuck in your gay-hating ways that you’re trying to get me to stop being friends with my oldest friend!”

“Kian, please don’t yell at your father,” my mom interjected. “He’s just trying to look out for you.” She attempted, but she didn’t seem to believe it.

“Well he’s kind of doing a shitty job of it mom!” I returned. She couldn’t honestly be trying to agree with him. I knew that she was much kinder about LGBT people unlike my dad. My sister who had just been playing around with her food looked up at this point.

“Yes, your mother is right, I am looking out for you. I don’t want you turning out to be like Kassidy. Thinking that you are a woman. Gay people are sick. It is true.” My dad stated. Spewing false facts like they were the truest thing in the world. It was crazy. People like that were crazy. How could people justify that a whole group of people were crazy for following who they loved?

“No, gay people aren’t sick! They are human beings, unlike you! A human wouldn’t try and make me stop being friends with one of my only friends” I glared, still yelling at my father. My fathers eye ticked. He stood up and walked over to where I was standing.

“Kian Jumaane Okoye. Upstairs now,” he whispered harshly. His fists were clenched, shaking. It looked like he was so close to beating me. I bit my lip, trying not to reply. I knew that he was probably looking for any reason to smack me across the face.

“Yes sir.” I turned on my heel and left the dining room. It felt like there was a lump in my throat as I left.

~

“f**k, f**k, f**k!” I was pacing in my room, back and forth, back and forth. I ran my hands roughly through my hair, occasionally yanking on the ends of my tight curls. I slammed my hands down onto my bureau and starred into the mirror. I looked crazed. My eyes were bright red, with the tears that I had been fighting so hard against. My hair was messy, so many strands out of place from my tearing at it. I was almost shaking from how angry I was.

I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, so I pulled away and slumped into my nearby chair. What the actual f**k? Why the hell was my father trying to tell me to ditch Layne? We had been friends for years. My parents had been friends with Layne’s parents for years. I’d heard the stories a ton of times from Layne’s parents. My mom and dad had met his parents through some dumb new parent workshop, and they all had hit it off. Which is coincidentally where Layne and I had first met. And we’d been friends ever since because they were friends. AND NOW. Just because Layne had been born Kassidy and transitioned to become Layne I could no longer hang out with him because of my transphobic father.

I had been trying so hard, been so careful to try and keep that Kassidy was Layne a secret so I wouldn’t have to deal with my fathers’ prejudices but the one time that he came over after his transition, I could no longer be friends with him. Damn them. If they think I’m willing to leave my oldest friend in the dust they’ve got another thing coming.

My phone buzzed pulling me from my thoughts and drawing my attention to that instead. I rubbed my hands over my face and slapped my cheeks. I had to pull my s**t together. I crossed the room and picked up my phone, there on the screen was a message from someone I didn’t know. Oh well, I swiped my finger over it, dismissing it. I then unlocked my phone and messaged Layne. I needed to apologize to him.

“Hey, Layne. I’m really sorry about what I said to you this afternoon. It was completely out of line, especially since you were trying to help me, and I am so sorry. Also, you should probably know that my dad has forbidden me from seeing you… Of course, you know that I won’t listen to that, but you definitely won’t be able to come over. I’m sorry that your first time being back at my house in a while ended up being your last. Again, I’m really sorry for what I said to you this afternoon."

That was a long ass text message but oh well. I really needed to apologize to him and some quick little “u still mad @ me? sry,” wasn’t going to cut it.

I waited a couple of minutes but when Layne still hadn’t responded I decided to check out the message that I had received from the unknown number.

“Hey, it’s Ji-Yeong. Got your number from Layne. Wanted to know when we could meet so you could help me with school.”

Hey great, now Ji-Yeong had my number. Perfect… Wait, how did he even get Laynes’ number? I don’t remember Layne ever giving it to him, at least not while I was around. But you know what… this might be a good way to pretend that I had a new friend. I had no idea how my dad would respond if I went against his wishes and he found out about it. He’d never once laid a hand on me but tonight had probably been the closest he’d attempted to. So maybe I could use Ji-Yeong as my buffer. That probably wasn’t the nicest thing for me to do but if I wanted to stay friends with Layne this would have to do.

“Hi, Ji-Yeong. Sorry about this morning. Despite how it seemed, it was actually nice to meet you. How about we meet at your house tomorrow?”

There, not that was done all I need to do was forget about those weird feelings I had felt for him this morning. My phone buzzed again, and I saw that Layne had finally messaged me back.

” Thanks for the apology. Now I know why you would never let me come over. Lol. I met up with your dad when he had gotten back from work. He was not happy when I told him I went by Layne now.”

Oh! That’s why he had brought it up today, it was because he and Layne had run into each other. Still didn’t explain why he had to be so shitty though.

“dude, I am so sorry. He didn’t say anything bad to you, did he?”

“Nope, he didn’t really say anything. Though I could see the disappointment in his eyes. Lol.”

Yeah, I saw that look every time he thought my grades were bad. He was pretty hard on me about my grades, since I was most likely going to take over his company when I was old enough. He’d say I couldn’t watch tv, leave the house or anything fun until my grades were up. He must not have seen my recent grades right now, a b-, otherwise my phone would be in his and my mom’s room.

“It’s cool. I don’t really care, I've been getting worse looks since I was 12.”

“I’m glad you don’t actually hate me. id rather not have someone hate me on my first day.”

What? Oh wait, Ji-Yeong must’ve finally responded to my message, I’d respond to him later. I didn’t really want to reply to him just yet, maybe sometime later. I looked at the time and saw that it was almost past 9. Damn. Had I really been pacing in my room, pissed off, about my dad for like 4 hours? Well not exactly 4 hours straight. I had had to do some homework in between or else my teachers would be pissed off at me too, but whatever. Today had seriously been such a long f*****g day and all I really wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.

I texted Layne, basically saying that I was heading to bed and I was glad that he had forgiven me. I also decided that I’d text Ji-Yeong back. I read his last message before replying.

“Alright great. See you in English and Trig tomorrow. Can you send me your address, so I can head over for your tutoring tomorrow?”

To be perfectly honest, I usually never went to bed at 9 pm, it was too early, but today was a completely different matter. It had literally been such a bad day that I just wanted to go to bed. I was tired, a little dead, and the only thing that was going to make me feel better was going to sleep.

~

My light was off, my fan was buzzing, and I was lying comfortably in my bed. The only thing that made this less than perfect was the soft knock at my door.

“Kian, honey? It’s me.” I huffed. Why the hell did anyone need to come up and bother me right now of all times? I was trying to go to sleep! The door opened, and I saw my mother’s worn and pretty face in the crack of the door. “Baby, can I talk to you?”

“Mhmm,” I grunted. Light streamed into my nice and dark room. I groaned again and covered my face with my blankets. The bed creaked as my mom sat down on my bed.

“I know that dinner was awful, but I brought you something.” I sat up and saw my mom holding a plate full of cookies.

“What are you trying here?” I questioned her cautiously. I wasn’t sure what she was trying to do and I didn’t want her to get upset with me if it was just her trying to cheer me up.

“What, can’t a mother bring some cookies in for her son?” mom asked, cracking a smile. I shook my head as I took a cookie from the plate. “Fine then, I brought you some cookies, so I can ask you to just pretend for your father. I’d rather not have either one of us deal with him being angry all the time and there’s no way I’m having you lose a best friend. That’s just ridiculous,” I nodded as I listened to her. She wasn’t wrong. “So, honey, do you mind, just pretending while at home that you are no longer friends with Layne? If you want to hang out with him at his place, I can help you out with that.” She smiled at me and took a cookie from the plate, joining me in eating them.

“Yeah, I can do that mom. Thanks for your help, and the cookies. You’re awesome,” I said, taking another cookie and eating it.

“Only the best for my baby… He asks too much of you, I swear.” That last part she muttered, most likely so I couldn’t hear it, but I caught it. “I love you, sleep well, honey.” She placed the plate on my bedside table and leaned over to kiss my forehead, hugging me tightly as well. Then she grabbed the plate and left my room.

She wasn’t always the best parent, no one was. What mattered was that she was trying her hardest and I loved her for it. I finished my cookie and curled up into my blankets. I stared up at the ceiling for a little bit before I finally was able to fall back to sleep.