Clinging to Friendship

Chapter 9

I checked on Layne, trying to gauge what he was thinking. He definitely looked shocked, his mouth was gaping, and his eyes were wide. He kind of looked like a fish out of water. Layne most definitely didn’t expect that coming from me, especially from how adamant I’d been to him just a couple weeks ago. I also didn’t expect it. In my life, I’d always been straight, and my starting to like Ji-Yeong, in a non-friendly way, was really confusing.

“Um… Are you sure?” He asked and with that one question, I was really starting to regret it. Maybe this was a dumb idea after all.

“I really have no idea if I’m sure… I don’t know how it feels to like someone else. I’ve never really been interested in another person until now. But I actually think that I like him.”

“Who do you like?” Poppy asked, popping her head once more into Layne’s room. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard his door open. I was so glad that she hadn’t seemed to hear who I liked. She entered the room, uninvited, and plopped herself down onto Layne’s bed. “Oh, I bet it’s Lillian!” She exclaimed, attempting to pry into my life.

“No? Who is Lillian?” I asked her, but she just ignored my question. If I didn’t know her then my crush wasn’t on this Lillian person.

“Never mind. Doesn’t matter. Do you like Carol? She’s pretty cute!” Poppy kept prying. Bombarding me with questions about who it was that I liked. With each question and person, she brought up, all it made me want to do was run back home. But I’d gotten myself into this mess, so I might as well deal with it.

“Shut up Poppy. It doesn’t matter, can’t you just leave? Please?” Layne finally butted in, saving me from her barrage of questioning. She groaned but Layne stood firm. I smiled, feeling relieved that he was standing up for me against his sister. He grabbed her by the arm and pushed her out of his room, locking it once she was out. Which made me feel infinitely better.

“I’m sorry about that,” he muttered, sitting back down on the bed beside me. “So, what brought up you liking Ji-Yeong? I thought that you were straight. I mean you were always so adamant about being straight that I didn’t… Well… I’m not sure… I don’t know.”

“I don’t think I am gay. Like… there’s no way I can be, but every time I think about him or… or I see him, I feel weird about it,” I confessed.

“Do you have a problem with being gay? Because there is nothing wrong with it.”

“You know how my dad is… He tried to forbid me from being friends with you, after finding out you’re trans. I don’t even want to imagine what it’d be like if he found out that I liked another guy. He’s a very traditional person and… and… I might get kicked out of my house.” I said, finally telling him my fears.

“I thought the same thing… and I never told you this, but my mom was never supportive of me when I first came out. My dad was overjoyed that I had told him, and he now had a son, but my mother; she was furious and upset. I was her baby girl and she couldn’t accept that I wasn’t a girl but a boy.” Layne revealed to me. I was shocked when he told me he had come out he’d said that his family had been so supportive of him. But this was completely different.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought everything had gone well for you when you came out…” I kind of wished he’d told me the truth about it. I was so happy for him when everything went well for him at home, but that was a lie.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to believe that my mom couldn’t accept me. It hurt too much, so I just went into denial about it. But over the years my dad worked with her and I did too, to help her understand me and now she’s never been more accepting. I’m not sure if your dad would be the same way but maybe he will surprise you.” Layne said, rubbing my shoulder as he spoke.

As much as I’d love to believe that he could surprise me it wouldn’t happen. I’ve heard practically everything he’s said about the LGBT community. He loathes them and finds every one of them disgusting. I tried not to feel the way he did, but I was honestly disgusted with myself for liking Ji-Yeong the way I did.

“That’d be great if my dad could eventually come to accept me, but I sincerely doubt it. Practically every day of my life is filled with him talking about his hatred of gay people… I really want to be more accepting of any possible sexuality I might be… but it’s hard. It’s like his hatred is stuck in my head and I can’t get free of it.”

“I’m so sorry Kian... but you just trying to work through that internalized hate is really good. Besides, I know that you try your best to be accepting.” Layne reassured me. “You know maybe, in order to figure out what you’re feeling for him, you should go on a mock date with Ji-Yeong. To see if you like him that way or not.” Layne suggested. “That way, if you find out you don’t like him, you’ll know immediately.”

“No! That’s so stupid. You should go somewhere terrifying and do a test of courage!” Poppy yelled from behind the door. Layne and I groaned in annoyance. Really? Of course, she had decided to stay and eavesdrop. She was irritating that way. Why couldn’t she just leave and let be?

“You may as well let her in now… Sounds like she’s heard everything. It’s dumb to try and keep her out now,” I said dismissively to which Layne nodded. He left the bed and went over to the door, unlocking it, to let his younger sister in.

“You’re a huge f*****g pain, you know that?” He said, and she just smirked at him. Like the little demon, she was.

“Let me help Kian out with this part, you’re totally useless at dating,” Poppy demanded and insulting her brother in the same breath. She adjusted her glasses and sat down on the ground, facing across from me. I waited for her to say something, but she just continued staring at me. Then I realized she was waiting for me to say something to her.

“Alright then, what the hell is a test of courage?” I sighed, defeated. She smiled brightly and clapped her hands together, her pretty blue eyes glittering with mischief.

“I thought you’d never ask! So, you know how I watch anime right?” I grunted in acknowledgment and she continued, “Ok, in school animes sometimes they’ll do these tests of courage. It’s where they’ll go to a scary place, usually, it has a ghost story attached to it. But they’ll go to a forest at night, a cemetery or a school and then they all go through it, either in pairs or alone. It’ll be awesome! You can go with Ji-Yeong and the scariness will bring you together. It always works!” She said.

That sounded, like the dumbest idea ever. She was a smart person, I couldn’t believe she had suggested that.

“I shook my head and muttered, “You know what, I think I’d rather try out Layne’s idea and try out a fake date…”

“Fine,” She growled, “But when that doesn’t work we’ll go with my idea!” I rolled my eyes at her, laughing to myself as I did.

“Sure, sure. If that doesn’t work, we’ll go with your idea,” I restated which seemed to please her.

“I already have an idea for our test of courage! My friend Skye told me this story about our school,” she said proudly, “You guys are gonna s**t your pants!” Poppy continued basting. It was a little cute that she thought her little story was going to scare us. It might scare Layne, but it wouldn’t scare Ji-Yeong and me.

“We really don’t need to hear any fake story your weird Wiccan friend told you. We’re going with my idea and it’s GOING to work,” Layne grumbled. He sounded annoyed and it made complete sense. Poppy had interrupted us and when we’d kicked her out she’d chosen to eavesdrop on our private conversation. I was annoyed with her too.

“Fine then. But when YOUR dumb idea fails, you guys get to take me along for the test of courage,” she huffed as she climbed to her feet, “And then YOU are going to realize that I was right and you, Layney-poo, were wrong.” She fixed her skirt and stormed out of the room.

Once she was gone, Layne and I shared a look of exasperation. I sat awkwardly until Layne decided to speak up.

“We should probably plan your “date” now…” I nodded and bit my lip, hoping that maybe this was a dream that I could wake up from.

~

It was about a day later, and Layne’s plan was in full swing. I had stayed up all night the night before, anxious over the “date”. Right now, the only reason I was currently standing was that I was fueled by nervous energy. Currently, I was waiting at the entrance of the Eden Movie Theater, expecting Ji-Yeong to come by any moment now.

There was a fluttering feeling in my stomach that I hoped was me coming down with a cold or something, and not that I had feelings for a guy. This date should hopefully prove it! Layne had planned on Ji-Yeong and I going to see a movie, and then go eat at a local diner. Layne told Ji-Yeong he was coming along, but once Ji-Yeong and I were at the theater together a text message from Layne backing out of our plans would show up and that we should go on without him.

“Hey, Kian!” I perked up at the sound of my name and turned to who was calling me. There, a couple of feet away from me, was Ji-Yeong. He looked great, much better than how I was looking. I had huge dark bags under my eyes and I definitely wasn’t in proper date attire. Ji-Yeong, on the other hand, was probably the most accurately dressed for a date, with his nice black jeans, and deep red blazer. Over it, to keep him warm was a black military style coat and a giant scarf. His bangs hung over his face, instead of one side being slicked behind his ear like usual.

There was a huge grin on his face, and despite it being freezing outside, I felt quite warm. His smile though soon dropped, and he looked around me, searching for something.

“Where’s Layne? I thought he was coming as well?” He asked me.

“Oh yeah, sorry, Layne texted me saying that he had a family emergency and he can’t make it. But he said we should hang out without him.” That lie was so awful that I was sure he could see through it and tell I was lying to him, thankfully he didn’t seem to notice it and he nodded.

“Wow... I hope everything’s ok. Do you know what’s going on?”

“Um, no. No, I don’t really know what’s going on. But I’m sure that everything is completely fine.” I looked distractedly on my phone and saw that we were approaching the time that the movie would start. “Hey, we should hurry up. We wouldn’t want to be late for our movie, now would we?” He nodded in agreement. Without a second thought, I took Ji-Yeong’s hand and pulled him into the warmth of the theater with me.