Master Gallagher

Called them delusional

—

Perfect now, I'm going to resemble a swollen balloon. I thought as I realized that, I had a tiny bump. Not very noticeable to the public eye but only because it's my body.. I see a difference. A week had passed, I wasn't exactly doing my best but I was trying. It's hard to try and forget about someone when their mother is constantly lurking around and still convinced that what you share with her son is purely innocent passionate love. I beg to differ. No matter how many times, I tried to explain to her that it was not like that, she wouldn't take it. Lady Martha was just as convinced as I used to be. William watching me all the time from a distance was not romantic, he was being a stalker. Nothing about this situation was romantic, she didn't seem to think so. I had only started helping out at the cotton field as of recent but it only lasted a day before I was pulled out by a very angry Mrs. Gallagher and her shadow...

Hector.

"Panashe, I do not think—infact I have no doubt in my mind that this would make my son very upset."

Here we go again, did I have to walk around with the sign stupid for people to stop thinking that there was ever more to anything between myself and that man.

It was just s****l labor on my part.

"Lady Martha, I am perfectly capable of working, I'm pregnant not handicapped." I did not mean to come off as rude but I was so angry at William that anyone close to him felt like a threat to me. Also my anger made me bolder, too bold for my own good.

"I know that but I will not allow you to work out there while carrying my grandchild not on my watch."

Two grandchildren coming.

Lucky you!

I wanted to say but immediately cut my tongue. I shouldn't be bitter, Lady Tracy's child is just as innocent as my child and I should not condemn it because of the parents.

"I do not know what William said to you but please Lady Martha. I want to go back to my normal life, where I am suppose to be. I have no desire to speak of your son or hear about him or how he thinks I should live my life."

She was a bit taken aback with my response. For a moment, I could not stop thinking... Panashe what have you done now?

"I understand that you're hurt.." she said softly. I could not handle everyone feeling pitiful for me. It happens, these things happen. It's not shocking. I was well aware that everyone besides my deluded self knew that this little fantasy would sooner or later come to an end now that it had, they couldn't let it go. I actually thought that...

Stupid!

"I'd like to return—"

"If you do not talk about this, it will silently eat you up."

This is why I had been called for tea here?

"I am perfectly fine with not talking about it."

"Tracy is only five weeks pregnant—"

Perfect while I was in Elliot's arms, he was busy too. That's when I was five weeks in.

"I do not want to speak of her." I said almost immediately. "She is his wife and I'm the one in the wrong here."

"My son—"

"Lady Martha, please I'd like to return now."

"He left with a heavy heart." She continued putting her cup of tea down on the saucer. The urge to roll my eyes was at it's highest. The urge to click my tongue and walk away was this close—

"That's very sad, I should get going now..."

"He loves you and I'm aware when he returns, he will prove it. Not just to you but to everyone. It's a risk he is willing to take."

I nodded, knowing that what would come out of my mouth would not be very respectful or welcoming.

"If you think William will let you go that easily then you're wrong. Just putting it flat on the table as it should be said."

Of course, he won't let me go. He mentioned buying me from his father, I'm practically his property. It would be such a shame if he just let me go after spending money on this easy s*x giving—

I closed my eyes, I did not want to get heated up or say the wrong things. He aggravated to the point that, I felt so sick... I lost my appetite or I felt nauseated.

"Panashe, I know you feel betrayed and angry and so much more but don't let it fuel your love for William into hate. It's not healthy for you or the baby. When he returns you can talk it out. Communication always, just don't assume..."

Oh I do not know where I will be when your son returns but it's definitely not here. I told my myself.

When I finally figured that she would not let me leave until I agreed with her. I played along.

"You're absolutely right, Lady Martha. I'm sorry for the outburst. I love William, I think we can both get past this. I know he loves me too."

She let out a wide smile.

"See.." She stood up to give me a hug. I rolled my eyes when she couldn't see then faked a smile. "I jumped into conclusions, I suppose.." I added.

That was how I managed to escape this tea party. I didn't understand myself lately, I had went from the most sweet genuine respectful loving girl to this cynical, sarcastic, scornful and sardonic girl who thought the worst about anything and everything. Figured if I stopped having expectations, it would always hurt much less.

Before I left Lady Martha informed me that she would let me do house work. I would help the kitchen with washing dishes then she said after that, I could always come and rest in Williams old room until I returned to the commune. I suppose that was fine with me. I was not going to lie, my first day at the cotton field was hell, the white man in-charge of the field, Master Rupertson yelled constantly that I was doing it wrong or I was not doing it fast enough. The sun was scorching hot, the toilet conditions for my broken bladder? There was no toilet. I found it most uncomfortable relieving myself anywhere. I jumped whenever I saw any sort of insect even those that are not harmless. Other slave mothers called my mother a downcast because she had not taught me any survival tips for working in the field. My mom snapped saying she always knew that she would do whatever it was for me to work inside rather than here in the plots. My mother taught me how to cook not just cook but make white people food. I realized, she always knew what she was doing but I messed up. The slaves laughed so hard at me when I asked about snakes...

They laughed even harder when I said, what if you die? I was justifying my tiredness at this point. Someone responded then you get buried. My anger kept making me have pride saying 'no, don't return. It's fine you will get used to it soon.' No, I would not. My pride was beyond me. This was the worst.

I decided that after seeing Lady Martha it would be best, I go fetch my belongings. I was wearing my mother's clothes because I left all my hideous usual dresses at the house. It's actually odd that I was naive enough to think I could have a white man falling head over heels for me while my hair looked like the insides of a butternut, my dresses swept the floor, not to add my very very dark skin that resembled charcoal. Sure, I have big nice straight teeth but they are so yellow they look like a line of corn. The yellow is very visible, this poor man had to kiss that to get me to open my legs. That takes a lot of dedication. Don't call me a dirty disgusting slug just yet! For sleeping with a married man yes, but not for not brushing my line of corn. I brushed my teeth ever since I started residing here in fancy Marlborough with Lady Tracy and her husband but that would not take away twenty years of not brushing my teeth, the damage had already been done. It was never a priority before Liam taught me how to brush my teeth. He said 'Nase, you put it like this then brush brush brush brush up down sideways. My dad taught me that.' He was the sweetest little angel.

I missed him so much.

Liam, I miss him so much, don't mix those up. That last line could easily be misinterpreted.

Fetching my clothes was not as easy as I thought it would be. I assumed I would get there, get my things and leave. Lady Martha was so kind to have one of the men who worked at the stable to accompany me.

"Liam told me." Lady Tracy said as I put my things in a plastic bag. My heart raced. "We're both expecting!" She squealed, I let out an uneasy laugh.

"It's so sad that you have to leave."

"Yes, my mother needs me. She is quite ill, I need to take her place in the field."

"Very sad." Lady Tracy murmured. "How far long are you and Elliot? He came looking for you the other day but I informed him of your new address."

That was surprising.

"Eleven weeks." I replied.

"I'm five." She said.

"I'm having another boy, William was so happy."

"Oh, how did you find that out?" I asked.

"The usual method. I spread my pee on wheat and barley then waited several days to see if any crops had sprouted. Wheat means the baby is a girl and barley means it's a boy." She said excitedly.

That was very odd, I doubt it was accurate but whatever makes her sleep at night.

"I am really hoping baby two gets William's beautiful blue eyes. Liam didn't unfortunately..." It was well known that William's eyes were outstanding. It was the first thing anyone ever noticed about him. There were so bright and light ocean blue, in the dark they looked mesmerizing. I knew that because of my needed services that only occurred in the evening... mostly in the dark. 

I prayed my child wouldn't—

Have anything of his. Sure they would be be bound to having light skin but other than that, I prayed nothing else.

I continued clearing out my things and she continued talking, I zoned out until she said something that had my ears perked up. "It's weird to think that we always make our kids when William is drunk. He says the sweetest things and even recites Shakespeare poetry."

Of course.

I did not manage to see Mary because it seems she had moved back to the Durham mansion. I had been hoping to see little Liam so I could say goodbye, knowing very well, I would most likely never see him again. He meant so much to me and it would hurt to see him off without a proper goodbye. There was a new maid coming in to help lady Tracy since she is pregnant. I did not know her or what she looks like but I solemnly wished her all the best. I wished her more luck for when William returned with s****l hunger.

She would do well, William had experience now. Things would be much better at-least this time, he would not start off by raping her. He knows how to approach women now. He knows the right things to say. He knows what makes one a fool, he has had enough practice.