Remark

Six Degrees of Separation I

Friday night, everyone literally looked like zombies coming from the dead trying to finish everything before morning comes. I’m not even surprised that most of my classmates are still trying to finish theirs. “Nami, can you go buy everyone an energy drink? You can get money from Henry. Then give him the receipt after.”

Gail ordered so I nodded and walked to where Henry was working. “Gail said to get money for energy juice.”

Henry nodded and walked to where his bag was lying, pulls out a large wallet and hands me a few dollars. “Give me the receipt okay? And are you sure you’re going alone? It’s already nine and the nearest convenient store from school is still a few blocks away.” He asked and I think about what he said. It was really late and even if I was a brave girl, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of the dark and maniac people whom I can possibly meet on my way there.

“Well I can always yell for help and wait for Shazam to come save me, right?”

Henry laughed. “But seriously, you need to go there with someone. You can ask Rubin if he’s available. Just take my advice, and don’t go without anyone w—

“I’ll go with her.”

I turned around and saw Jonah volunteering. “Senior,”

“Let’s go?”

Just like that, Jonah accompanied me on my way to buy everyone their energy drinks. It was dark outside already obviously. It was already nine after all and most of the shops in front of the school were closed already. We were just walking side by side quietly and I suddenly felt the awkwardness I first felt around him.

“You know the day you gave me Wabbles?”

I turned to Jonah when he started talking, breaking the silence between the two of us. “Yeah?”

“I actually had a fight with my dad that day.” I looked at Jonah who was just looking down the path we were taking. “I wasn’t supposed to come to school but the department’s my responsibility so I had to come even if I wasn’t in the right mood.”

“Like you were in a beast mode type of mood?”

He chuckles and bobs his head lightly. “The beast mode type of mood, yeah.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re okay with your dad now”

“He just gets too much sometimes and,” He finally lifts up his gaze but not to me, still the dark path we’re walking on. “Sometimes my vision gets dark and I become the devil inside me. I told you about not being able to do what I want right?” I nodded even if he couldn’t see me but he somehow predicted my answer because he continued talking. “I told him I’m continuing my music after taking up this course he wanted me to take.”

Music?

“But he told me that my dreams are trash and told that I should just focus on what’s ahead of me right now. I’m doing everything he wants me to but somehow he just can’t let me do what I want even after forcing myself into something I didn’t want.” I stared at him in pity. “Don’t I deserve at least the freedom to do what I want after being his puppet for five years?” He finally turned to me and his eyes were fiery and mad. “Well, seven until I really become one but you get what I mean,”

I smiled at him. “I think you’re really brave for still having the courage to stand up for your dreams.”

“Standing up for it is not as great as living your dream.”

I blinked at that and he was right. I guess his struggles were more complicated than mine. Having to deal with the course you don’t want is worse than having to deal with the requirements of the course you always wanted.

“We’re here,” He said and when I looked frontward, we already arrived in the store.

After getting the number of cans to the amount of people we had, we finally cashed out and headed back to the campus. We started off quiet again and I didn’t want him to talk more about himself because his life is just too miserable to hear and if it’s too miserable for me to hear, I feel so bad for that person. “You told me before that I was amazing,” I said and it caught his attention. “But I think if someone’s amazing here, it’s not me.”

He turned to me.

“It’s you, Jonah.” I added and smiled. I had to at least make him feel better after he just revealed all that to me. I’d feel guilty of not doing anything to make this better. “The fact that you’re still taking up the course for your father is impressive. I mean, I would run away if they’re forcing me to do something I don’t want. Not that I’m motivating you to do it.” I hear him chuckle. “But it’s really cool that you’re still doing it despite not liking it.”

He doesn’t reply and let the wind just whistle. “I really like you, Nami.”

My face got stiff. I felt like everything stopped the moment I heard those words. I wasn’t trusting my ears. I felt like they were broken because I feel like I wasn’t hearing things right. Therefore, I was convincing myself that I misheard him in some way. I kept my head down and wasn’t able to say anything back.

“You really stand out from other girls.”

I am mishearing everything I’m hearing right? I’m not on drugs though. Why am I hearing things differently?

“I think it started when I heard you complaining about your first day and no, you’re not imagining things or hearing other things because what you heard is what I really mean.”

My eyes widened and I finally turned to him. “You can’t like me, Jonah. I-I’m with M—”

“I know,” he cuts me off then smiles. “That’s why I’m saying he’s a lucky guy to have a girl like you. I’m not really the type to keep my feelings bottled up and I’m pretty straight forward about things. I’m telling you because I don’t want you to be surprised when I unconsciously do things that might show my affection. Like a while ago, I came with you because I wanted to be with you,” I gulped. “Not because it’s my obligation to keep everyone safe,”

I was so speechless. It just keeps getting more awkward and uncomfortable every time he says why he likes me. Even thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since I was with Mark, I’ve never received confessions ever again.

“Well maybe a little of that but for the most part, it’s you,”

What would people say about me again if that showing of affection happens? I feel so uncomfortable right now. Like something wasn’t right. I guess it was all clear now why he’s being too kind to me.

“You don’t have to feel awkward, Nami. Would you have preferred it if I didn’t tell you how I felt and confused the hell out of you when I start acting like I like you?”

I guess not. “I,”

He laughed. “Don’t worry. If you think that I’m desperate to have you end whatever you have with your boyfriend then stop. I’m not planning to break whatever relationship you have with Mark. I’m not competing against your boyfriend right now. I mean, it’s only competing when he starts to feel threatened right?”

I felt bad hearing these things he’s telling me about Mark but he sounded cool and I’m not denying that even if I’m with Mark. It’s one of the few coolest lines I’ve heard anyone told me. “You’re being very mean, senior.”

“I’m happy we’re friends Nami and I’m contented with that. You don’t have to worry about not feeling the same for me. After all, I knew you were with someone. I’ve considered those before going up to you like this and confessing my feelings. For what it’s worth, being friends is better than nothing. If anything, I’m lucky that I even get the chance to talk to you like this. Other one sided admirers can’t even talk to their crushes.”

I laughed and shook my head. “You’re a good comedian too.”

“I think it’s what they call charming.”

I’ll just have to refrain myself from remembering that Jonah Fedler, Architecture department president, Jonah Fedler likes me. I’d have to delete everything he told me today before I start feeling the discomfort he made me feel the moment he confessed. Then again, I won’t be able to stop my brain from thinking about it because this is what they call fairytale if I wasn’t in a relationship with someone else. Girls would die for him and here I am, wasting yet another man I can’t have because of Marcus Lee Dyer.

“Let’s have lunch together. I’ll wait for you in the cafeteria okay?”

Saturday, we were in the middle of fixing everything in place for the booth and it was finally lunch time. Ever since Mark called me this morning telling me to have lunch together made me look forward to twelve in the noon. I was expecting he’d be in a table when I reach the cafeteria but he wasn’t. I only see students who were enjoying their meals with their friends and there I was, walking around searching for a vacant seat patiently waiting for the man who called me here.

Ten minutes passed and he still wasn’t here. I looked around me and the students who came earlier than me, even those who just came in, were already leaving. “It’s a little odd to see someone sitting in the cafeteria and not have anything in the table. Is that normal here? Sitting inside the cafeteria just to hang around?”

I turned around and quickly stood to bow and respect Jonah. “I was waiting for someone.”

“Fair enough. You do know I only gave you guys thirty minutes for lunch right? And you’re already an hour behind the given time. I may like you but it doesn’t resort you from obeying the rules I give,”

I nodded and let out a small chuckle. “Of course,” I look back at him. “I just—” My phone suddenly rang and I was more than relieved when I saw Mark’s ugly picture flashing over my screen. “IF YOU DON’T COME HERE IN TWO MINUTES, I SWEAR TO GOD—”

“I’m really sorry, Nami. I can’t have lunch today. Our president said we don’t have time for that because we still need to finish everything.”

“Well you could’ve at least tried to tell me earlier so I wouldn’t have been waiting for you like a complete i***t? And I would have eaten by myself instead of starving waiting for someone who can’t apparently come!”

“I’m really sorry. I’ll wait for you later. I’ll walk you home.”

I sighed and looked down in frustration. “You always order me,”

“Don’t be so sad okay? Frowning makes you an uglier princess which should stop progressing before it takes over your— MARK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! MINSEO— I’m hanging up. I’ll see you later okay? I’ll be there this time, I promise. Bye, princess.”

At that, I stared at my phone unable to believe that I just let him do that to me and the person who I heard from the other line sounded so bossy, I wanted to pull out all her hair for making things terribly hard for my beloved player.

“So?”

I looked at my side and still see Jonah standing near my table. I almost forgot he was just here a while ago and I just screamed at Mark like that in front of him. How embarrassing. “Yeah, I guess it’s no lunch for me today.”

He chuckled and deliberately shakes his head. “Nope. You’re eating. You can’t continue working with an empty stomach. Come on. I’ll be your lunch buddy today for your boyfriend. He owes me one after this. Tell him that.” He smiled and gestures me to climb out of my chair.

“No. I’m already an hour behind the given time remember?”

He arched his brows. “Well you can’t blame me for witnessing you blame your boyfriend for starving you to death waiting for his arrival.”

I was hesitant at first because it feels like I was using Jonah’s affection to receive special treatments from him and if I were to agree, I’d have to eat in less than five minutes to make up for the hour I wasted waiting for no one and I can’t eat in less than five minutes at this point when my stomach’s literally rumbling in hunger that makes me want to eat everything in the counter. I was really hungry so there’s no way I’m acting all shy and it’s-okay-I’m-fine attitude because as much as I didn’t want to take advantage of Jonah being my friend, and adoring me for some reason, I’m not saying no to eating.

When I had my tray full with food I both like and dislike, we sit over a nearer table and settled down. I started eating and felt more alive with every bite I take. I was too hungry to even consider how much fat it will contribute my already fat body. I keep putting different types of food inside my mouth and at that moment, I didn’t really care because all I was thinking was food. I couldn’t even think about how mad Mark just made me feel right now because I was enjoying the food so much.

I froze from eating when I hear someone laugh. I gulped the big sandwich I just bit and looked up to Jonah eyes wide. I almost forgot I was with Jonah again right now and I was eating like a pig in front of him. I looked away wiping my mouth with a piece of napkin before clearing my throat. “You can always unlike me after this. I don’t really mind.”

“Unlike you?” He laughed harder and I looked at him. He laughs so elegantly, like a girl. Maybe because he was raised to be a very proper son. “Only f*******: is capable of unliking not real people.” He states and I nod in agreement to his logic. “I can’t unlike you when I’m liking you even more after seeing you eat like that.”

I frowned at him and shove another spoon full of rice. “You have such bad taste when you have such good looks to match with better girls.” I mumbled between munching my rice. It’s disgusting and I know most guys would be turned off by now but he just looks amused and like he wasn’t disturbed and disgusted by me. Or maybe he was but he just wasn’t showing it.

“I don’t think so.”

“Forget it. Girls eat like this after starting to diet diet blah.” I rolled my eyes and shove more noodles inside my mouth. “You know what? They even pretend they’re not hungry even if they’re dying to eat! I’d know. Sophee does it.”

“Sophee?”

I nodded and remembered I wasn’t in senior year with Jonah. “My best friend. She actually flew to New York for college. She’s taking up fashion designing and she’s really pretty. The type that would blow you right off your feet.” I covered my mouth when something fell out of my mouth. I looked back at Jonah awkwardly before flashing a worn out smile. “Pretend you didn’t see that or you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I mean you don’t have to remember that but it’s fine if you can’t get that out of your head which mostly happens when you witness something unusally disturbing and disgusting, and unsually is not even a word and I’m talking too much – what?” Since when did I start blabbering so much that it starts making me feel annoyed at myself.

He snorted and obliquely looks at me like he thinks I’m weird or he thinks I’m a freak. “You are blabbering and it’s almost one so finish your food up before they tell me I’m being biased to you.”

My eyes widened and the food I was eating almost dropped from my mouth. “ONE?” I said gibberish from all the food I was trying to chew. With a look from Jonah, I instantly finished up my soup, my drum sticks and everything I wouldn’t think of eating myself. “I’m done,” I mumbled after shoving all the leftover in my mouth. “Let’s go,”