Mixed Feelings

The Start

After I told James and Jackson, I tried to kill myself things were quite for a moment, I enjoyed the peace honestly. I thought there would be screaming and hitting like mom, but I knew Jackson would handle it better; James on the other hand I didn’t expect his reaction.  

“Who?” James said angrily.  

“What?” I asked confused.  

“Who” He gritted his teeth.  

“James, you are an adult. They are still minors” Jackson said walking towards him.  

“I don’t care Jackson! Who Lexie! Tell me f*****g who!” He yelled as Jackson pushed his now standing body against the wall.  

“Calm down James, it’s okay” Jackson said lowly.  

“Jackson how are you so f*****g calm!” He yelled in his face.  

“Because right now my little sister is scared and needs help. And I have to be the calm one for this apparently.” Jackson said releasing James.  

“Okay, now I'm going to talk to Ellie and Layla about therapy we can get you” Jackson said leaving the apartment with just James and I.  

“Why didn’t you call me Lexie?” James asked  

“Because, you needed to be a teenager while you could and I didn’t want to take your last night from you” I smiled.  

“Lexie, you call me whenever you need to, okay? You know this, I’m always here to help you down from whatever ledge you are standing on” He smiled, his boyish charming smile.  

“I know, but it was your party, James.” I said lowly.  

“Lexie what else happened that night?” He asked.  

“After I did it or before?” I asked  

“After” He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw.  

“I woke up in the hospital, Clair found me and called 911. When mom got there, she was mad because I took her away from the party, she slapped me in the face and told me I needed to stay with Jackson, and she put me on a train here.” I explained.  

“Have you checked your phone at all?” He asked embarrassed, his face turning red. 

“No, why?” I asked confused. I checked my phone, text and messages but I logged out of snapchat that night before I did it.  

“Just a question, can I see your phone?” He asked.  

“James what did you send me?” I asked smirking.  

“Nothing Lexie” he protested.  

“James” I glared at him.  

“Fine, I may have drunkenly snapchatted you last night and I don’t remember it all.” He said lowly.  

“We can watch it together?” I smiled.  

“Sure, sure” He smirked. I knew his plan so I started screen recording without him knowing it before I sat beside him. I had over 100 snapchats from people I didn’t even know.  

“Wow, that’s a lot” He laughed 

“Yeah” I smiled. Pretending some of it wasn’t bad.  

I finally found his name and I forgot I changed it from James to Stud Muffin.  

“Who’s Stud Muffin?” He asked with a smirk on his face. My face turned as hot as French fries out of the deep fryer.  

“Oh um” I smiled trying to play it off.  

“So that’s what you think of me?” He said teasingly.  

“What, no” I lied.  

“Open the snapchat Lexie” he said playfully.  

“Okay” I scoffed.  

The first one was just a goofy picture telling me to be good tonight, the second one was a picture telling me he missed me, the third thing was a video, ‘Hey Lexie, I really miss you and I'm really f****d up right now so I feel like it’s a good time to tell you, I think you are beautiful, amazing in every way, perfect, even when you are mad, I think’ just said the words were about to leave his mouth he grabbed the phone and ran to the bathroom locking the door behind him.  

“James!” I yelled.  

“You don’t need to hear the rest of it!” He yelled and then covered the speaker.  

I sat outside the door for a few minutes waiting for him to come out.  

“Are you snooping in there?” I asked confused.  

“No” He smirked as he opened the door.  

“Finally!” I scoffed and took my phone back; he didn’t know it was screen recording so I turned it off and slumped back down on the couch. 

“Are you mad at me?” He asked  

“No” I said irritated.  

“Lexie, I just didn’t want you to hear it from the video, I wanted to tell you in person” James smirked.  

“Yeah? Then tell me now” I scoffed.  

“Lexie, I think-” he started to say but got caught off guard when Jackson entered the room.  

“Okay, so we have something set up for tomorrow, so I'm going to order pizza. Lexie go unpack and get ready for bed. Ellie is going to help you change your bandages in a little” Jackson smiled. I huffed and puffed.  

“What’s her problem?” Jackson asked confused.  

“I really don’t know” James smirked looking over at me as I walked back the hallway. This could've been it. I could’ve had James. Stupid Jackson. Always a c**k block!