Mixed Feelings

How Dare He.

After that night a few days ago, I really haven’t seen much of Lexie, she’s always with the girls and us guys were trying to plan a party. As being new in college isn’t always easy, throwing parties for the rich kids isn’t either. Saturday my parents are bringing up my sister, so that leaves me with Friday to throw the party and Saturday morning to clean before my parents get here around 11 a.m.  

“Are we all clear on the plan?” Jackson said taring me from my thoughts.  

“Party is Friday, starts after dark. Clean-up has to be done before 11 a.m. I get the food, Jake gets the beer, James gets the solo cups and whatever else we need in that department, and Jack gets fruity stuff because he missed this meeting.” Josh answered.  

“Yes, James will give everyone the money on Friday, he’s pulling it out in small increments so his parents don’t realize.” Jackson added.  

“Everyone set?” Josh asked.  

“Wait, what about Lexie?” I interjected.  

“What about her?” Josh asked.  

“Well after everything that has happened do you think it’s a good idea for her to be at a party with a bunch of college kids?” I asked again.  

“She’s been to parties before and I’ll keep an eye on her” Jackson stated.  

“Okay, so the plan is set. I’ll see you all tomorrow” I smiled.  

“K” everyone said in unison as I headed up to bed. Being that it was 2 in the morning and I already had a few beers in me anyways, I figured it was time for me to get some sleep.  

“Anyone awake?” I asked as I opened the door.  

“Shhh” They all hissed.  

“What’s up?” Ellie said pulling me to the kitchen.  

“I just didn’t know if anyone was awake” I laughed lowly.  

“Yeah, we are just getting into the third movie on our list” She smiled.  

“Okay, I’m going to bed. See you all later” I smirked and headed into my room, flopping myself down onto the bed. It all went dark after that.  

LEXIE’S P.O.V. 

“How you feeling Lexie?” Ellie asked as she walked into the living room.  

“Fine” I smiled.  

“Okay, what’s going on?” Layla asked pausing the movie.  

“I think James was about to tell me he liked me the other night, but Jackson walked in and the conversation was cut short.” I sighed, fiddling with my hands.  

“So you think he likes you?” Ella asked confused.  

“Well actually I have proof he does” I giggled.  

“Show us!” Layla demanded.  

I pulled out my phone and brought up the video I hid in a secret folder so he wouldn’t know I recorded it or kept it for that matter.  

‘Hey Lexie, I really miss you and I'm really f****d up right now so I feel like it’s a good time to tell you, I think you are beautiful, amazing in every way, perfect, even when you are mad, I think I really like you. Like like you not as friends or your older brother or anything like that but like you, but now that I'm saying this, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be together; maybe after college, after you finish college. Jackson wouldn’t agree with it and you start school again in a few months and I just don’t feel it is a good idea. Anyways, sorry for getting your hopes up with this. Kinda got mine up to.’  

The girls and I sat in silence for a minute, letting the video play and my thoughts scatter as my heart started to beat fast.  

“How dare he!” Ella broke the silence.  

“What?” Layla asked confused.  

“How dare he tell her he likes her and then ends it with maybe after college.” Ella said angrily.  

“Listen, it’s no big deal, okay?” I smiled.  

“No, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind! JAMES!” Ella yelled storming off to James room.  

“What’s wrong?” James said panicky as he swung his door open.  

“You tell her you like her and then say ‘oh maybe after college, sorry for getting your hopes up?!” Ella yelled.  

“What?” He said confused, slowly the gears started turning and it started sinking into his head.  

“Lexie, I took the phone from you, I watched the video by myself locked in the bathroom. How do you know about it?” James pushed past Ella to me.  

“I screen recorded it. I should have maybe watched it alone first but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Don’t worry my hopes weren’t too high or anything.” I plastered a fake smile on my face.  

“Lexie I just think it’s not the right time for us, okay? You still have a lot of living to do as well as I do. After college when things are straight and we are both single then it’ll be different okay?” He pleaded.  

“James, it’s no big deal. I’m going to be transferring schools and meeting new people so maybe it’ll never happen and I'm completely okay with that. It was a silly crush nothing more, Jackson never needs to know and we never have to talk about it again.” I said sternly. I’m not mad or even upset. This really puts things in a new perspective. I don’t think it’s such a bad idea to not be together now, or ever honestly. It’s not like I’m in love with him and James is a great big brother. I'll never know the difference if he doesn’t ever want to be with me.  

I pulled out my phone and erased the video, I walked back to the living room and played the movie, Ella followed with me but Ellie and Layla stayed behind to talk to James. Shortly after they rejoined us in watching the movies and everyone passed out shortly after the 5th movie. I couldn’t blame them though it was 5 a.m. I laid on the floor next to them and just looked at the celling hoping for tomorrow to be better. Weather James wanted me to know what was said or not I knew now and that’s all that matter.  

JAME’S P.O.V. 

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Layla yell whispered after she shoved me back into my room.  

“I didn’t want her to know about it.” I answered putting my head in my hands.  

“Well, she does, so what now?” They asked concerned.  

“I don’t know okay. I don’t have all the answers right now but when I find them, I'll run them pass you first!” I said annoyed.  

“James, it’s okay that you like her. No one is going to hate you for that, but you telling her you like her and that you don’t want to be with her all-in-one video was a little harsh. I felt sad and I wasn’t even the one you were saying it to.” Layla answered putting her hand on my shoulder.  

“Listen it’s college. The time for learning and mistakes all in one. It’s okay that you make mistakes. Just apologize for them. She may not look upset now but eventually it’ll kick in.” Ellie smiled at me.  

“I just don’t want to hurt her and being in college gives me a whole new world of freedom that I never had before” I answered honestly.  

“And we understand that more then you think but there was another way to go about this.” Ellie explained.  

“Yeah, like not sending it at all” Layla smirked.  

“I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t drunk. Truth is I partied a lot but my consumption before I start to really f**k up is about 10 shots.” I said honestly.  

“Okay, 10 shots is at least 20 drinks so 5 shots and 10 drinks tomorrow night, any more we take your phone?” Ellie smiled.  

“Deal” I sighed.  

“Okay, get some sleep.” Ellie smiled and left the room. I knew I should have checked that but I didn’t really have a chance to honestly. I could’ve just skipped everything but I really just wanted to see what I said since I could barely remember the night before, but in my head, I think the thought that I wouldn’t see her until next summer also kicked in and I wouldn’t have had to worry about it. Instead, I super f****d up. I laid staring at the celling for a while, hoping something would change or maybe, even maybe I could go back in time and take it all back.  

JACKSON’S P.O.V. 

The next morning the smell of food engulfed the house as I woke up in my bed. I honestly don’t remember how I got here. Last thing I remember is being down with the guys playing video games and then I got another drink.  

“Good morning” Lexie said as I opened my door.  

“What happened last night?” I asked confused.  

“Well let's see, you stormed in around 6 am yelling and waking everyone up about the best friends in the world and how you kicked ass at a video game. Then you puked in the sink in the kitchen and stumbled into the bedroom while simultaneously taking your pants off.” She explained.  

“Damn, and everyone saw it?” I asked concerned.  

“Everyone saw something” She laughed as she walked to the kitchen.  

“Food?” Ella smiled and handed me a plate.  

“No thanks” I gagged even thinking about it.  

“Hangover cure, eat them. If you throw up, you’ll be fine all day” Layla smiled handing me the plate again.  

“Thanks” I smirked.  

“Yep, also tonight; keep your pants on” Layla whispered in my ear.  

“Will do, thanks for the tip” I rolled my eyes.  

“Hey, where's James?” Jackson asked confused.  

“Oh, he uh left this morning. Didn’t say where he was going but told me to tell you the money is on his dresser” Ellie explained.  

“Huh, that’s weird” I scoffed.  

“What’s weird?” Lexie asked.  

“James always tells me where he goes, even if it was down the street or we were in the same place together.” I explained. It is odd that within the first not even full week of being here he changed completely.  

“Listen, I'm sure he just had something to take care of” Lexie smiled.  

I knew she was trying to make me feel good but something felt off this morning like she was walking on eggshells around me, James is gone with nothing but some money he left for the party. Maybe I'm just thinking too much into this but James and I have been friends for a really long time so I feel like he should have told me where he was going. He always has before so it just feels wrong, he didn’t this time. Hell, he will tell me when he has to use the bathroom. I scoffed to myself as I ate the eggs things about this. It’s a stupid way to think but I am an over thinking and always overanalyze situations like this.  

A few moments after eating the eggs and drinking some water since Ella says it’s important to do so, I went and got in the shower and rounded up the rest of the guys who started telling me stories of what happened the night before.  

“You were so awesome last night dude!” Josh laughed.  

“You literally jumped out of our window with an umbrella screaming ‘I’m Marry Poppins!’” Jack included.  

“Thanks for the visual” I laughed it off.  

“Anyone see James this morning?” I asked concerned.  

“No, isn’t he still in bed?” Jake asked.  

“No, the girls said he left early this morning and put money on his dresser for the stuff for the party” I answered confused.  

“Yeah no. He didn’t say anything to us this morning so no dude sorry.” Josh inclined.  

“Okay well, none the less let's get started on this list” I brushed it off. He would be back eventually, right?  

LEXIE’S P.O.V.  

As the party drew closer the more and more, I was getting worried about James, He has been gone all day, his cellphone is off, no one knows where he is or where he could be. The party is starting and people are showing up and he’s not even here to enjoy it. I sat in the corner making small talk with some of the girls as a distraction from him.  

‘Hey Lex, you busy?’ A text from an old friend.  

‘Not home’ a short reply.  

‘I know, I’m at Jackson’s apartment’ A world of worriedness washed over me and my face turned pale.  

“Lex!” I heard the voice. His voice, a voice I was inclined to forget; that I was trying to forget.  

“Lane, hey” I smiled as I looked in his direction.  

“Can we help you?” Ella said irritated.  

“I’m friends with Lexie.” He smiled.  

“Yeah, I’m sure” Ella said with attitude.  

“Hey Ella, it’s okay really” I smiled and walked over to Lane, Planting a kiss on check.  

“Oooh okay, have fun” Ella smiled.  

“What are you doing here Lane!” I scoffed as I pulled him into my room.  

“Your mom said you were staying here and I came to see how my favorite girl was doing” He smirked.  

“Lane, we fought before I left remember, I thought I told you I was done.” I said annoyed.  

“I know what you said Lex, but I figured a few days to cool off and we’d be okay” He smiled.  

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have attacked you like that after everything you had been through, I was only thinking of myself and I’m so sorry Lexie.” Lane pleaded.  

“Fine, you can stay tonight.” I gave in. I always give in. Not to just Lane but to everyone else. It’s not like he hit me or beat me, he was just worried about me since I tried to kill myself and all and I should have been more understanding. He’s nice and sweet and he was upset to, upset he almost lost me and I completely understand where he was coming from. Or was I just that stupid? I scoffed at the thought.  

“James hey” I smiled as I opened the door to my room.  

“Lexie” He sighed.  

“James” Lane said coming behind me.  

“Lane” He scoffed.  

“What now James, where have you been?” I asked following him to his room.  

“Frolicking with the daisies, like I do every Friday” he said sarcastically.  

“James, serious.” I said sternly.  

“I was just out Lex, don’t worry about it. Lanes here. Enjoy your time with me” James said pushing past me and heading to the drink table.  

“James, I wasn’t done.” I scoffed following him.  

“Yeah? Well, I was” He laughed sitting down next to Jackson, Lane following close behind.  

“Everything okay?” Jackson asked concerned.  

“Yeah, everything is fine on my end Jax” James smirked raising his brow for a second.  

“Lexie?” Jackson asked.  

“Yeah, Lanes here” I smiled not leaving my gaze from James as he tipped back a beer.  

“Okay, have fun. Not too much to drink, okay?” Jackson babied me. He babied me. I’m 17 and he is babying me. Not tonight. I’m done being treated like a child who hasn’t had it hard or hasn’t partied. Tonight, it ends.  

JAMES’S P.O.V.  

After a few hours of a drive, I ended up at the airport. I sat in my car for a while thinking if this was even the right thing to do. Maybe I should have just left well enough alone, right? Not everyone can be nice, I guess. I got out of my car and headed inside, hoping that this would help everything, if not everything then something at least. I walked to the waiting area for arriving guests.  

“James!” A squeal came from behind me.  

“Roxie!” I smiled as she jumped into my arms.  

“I missed you i***t!” She laughed.  

“I missed you to!” I said excitably.  

“Let's go get your bags.” I said picking up her carryon.  

“So, how is everything?” She asked.  

“Everything is good Roxie, how are you?” I asked sincerely.  

“Good, so explain what the plan is?” Roxie said as we got into the car.  

“You remember Lexie, right?” I asked slowly.  

“Jackson’s sister?” She c****d her head confused.  

“No!” She yelled.  

“Yeah” I said lowly.  

“You didn’t sleep with her, did you?!” Roxie slapped my arm.  

“NO!” I yelled  

“Okay so then what's the problem?” Roxie asked confused.  

“I sent her a snapchat when I was at a party, I told her I liked her and in the same video told her I think we should wait until after college.” I answered honestly.  

“Well, that makes sense, and it’s only four years so manageable.” Roxie agreed.  

“After she finished college” I winced at her sudden movement.  

“You are an i***t!” She yelled and slapped me again.  

“I know Roxie, the only problem is now she is staying with us for the summer” I explained, getting slapped again.  

“Roxie, if you keep hitting me” I scoffed.  

“It’ll make this whole thing a lot easier” she sighed slamming herself back into the seat.  

“Roxie help me out here” I pleaded.  

“James, I don’t really know how. Lexie is 17, so she understands her feelings for you at least enough. You should have just deleted the video but you didn’t so it’s time to do some recon.” Roxie rolled her eyes and shook her head in disappointment.  

“I’m sorry Roxie” I sighed.  

“It’s okay i***t. What are best friends for but to pick up your mess huh?” She half smiled.  

“Thank you” I smiled and we headed back to the apartment, making stops for food along the way. Roxie couldn’t go without the most famous fast food on the map and by the time we get back to the apartment I don’t think I'll even be able to drink.