unexpected

I just wanna be rich.. I'm so sick of this life. why does it have to be like this. I have to work so hard, non stop till the day I die. I have to work to go to work.gotta sleep so I can work so I can eat so i can work. what kind of life is this. I don't like it. I don't want to live like this. Besides, what is it that I can do? I don't know.. what do I want to be? no clue. What are the steps I should take towards my goal? I don't know either. I have no clue... Today I woke up as late as possible, because I don't have any money left and I don't have food at home so I should sleep so I won't feel hungry. But that's alright cuz I'll get paid in 4 days, so I just need to survive these days with whatever I have. My boyfriend sent me 45dhs so I can buy some food for these days.. I got some eggs, bread, tuna cans, noodles and coffee.. I'll try to survive with these until then.. I ate the bread today so it won't spoil. and I'll have eggs with some rice tomorrow. I just remembered that I had to buy some onions but I forgot and I can't now.. but that's fine I'll figure.. tomorrow I'll have the meat in the fridge. I'm glad I still have it. I should sleep early so I won't feel hungry I don't wanna eat something now and have nothing later. although I should've thought about this before when I just got paid and spent all my money on meaningless stuff. I even lost a 100 and did not even react. as if I won't need it anyway. But right now that 100 would save my a*s. I wanna smoke but I don't have any cigarettes. Yet, that's not a bad thing. I should quit anyways. It's costing me a lot, money wise and health wise. my face looks like s**t now, it's all acne and scars and I just don't know what to do with it. I wish I could peel it off. take away all the scars and the acne in there. it's scary I am ashamed of showing my face now. I've never been ashamed of my face until this day. It's just horrific. my chest is not happy either, I'm coughing an old man's cough. A very sick and tired old man. a man in his bed wishing for a peaceful death. wanting to see his children for the last time before he closes his eyes. he says goodbye and coughs that tired sad cough... I'm laying in my broken bed just like that old man, a dim room, with the window open and the view of the dark sky. I'm using my side bed lamp because the main one broke yesterday. I'm not sure if it's the lamp or something else. I'm looking at my closet and thinking I should fold my underwear.. yeah that's all I have in my room; a bed a side drawer with some books in it and a lamp. facing my closet and a window.. although I have a nice view of a river in the morning and the city's lights at night. I have a small rug in the room and a bed cover with 3 pillows and a blanket I bought recently. ow I forgot the guitar that is not mine and always sitting in the corner but never been touched. I discovered that I'm not a drinker cuz even though I have no cigarettes and no work tomorrow I'm still not drinking the tiny John Walker my boyfriend left me last time he was here. I opened it sniffed it and didn't feel like drinking it. Isn't it impressive. Should I drink it ? should I call someone for cigarettes? or should I just keep writing?