Wiped

Panic at the disco

The men lined up outside the club gate. All dressed sharply, their clothing designed to emboss their features. Thin fabrics, the bold patterns drew my eyes to the front of their bodies, their muscly chests, and thick manhoods.

Cuss-Bert, as she walked in her female glory basked in the attention of the waiting males. Noone even glanced at me. We stepped through the gate and the music mixed with the smell of sweat and raindrops hit me harder than I expected. I felt a sudden urge to run, but I couldn't.

The same feeling came over me, this weird disconnect between my perfectly functioning body and my panic driven mind, ready to die. The world started to swim before my eyes, and while I saw everything clearly, to me inside it all felt distorted, nauseating.

As we walked through amongst the dancers to the back office, I lost my balance, and had to grab on Jack, floating behind me.

The energy surge was immediate. This time I saw the sparks flying, and the floor clear out before I found myself among the trees.

The man was there too. Smiling, loud teeth, exceeding his face. Light seeped under the door, and I sat in darkness.

- Who are you? - I screamed at him.

- Don't close your eyes! You have to see him – Jack streched a hand towards me. - Get up! Look!

He pulled me to my feet.

- I can't! - my voice, hoarse with effort but weak with fear came out as a paniced groan.

- You can, just open your eyes! Open them!

I sat catatonic staring at a giant surgical lamp beaming into my face. Nothing worked, not the inbuilt shades in my eyes, designed for just such an occasion, not the rest of my body. Time slowly cascaded through the haze enveloping me.

Tears ran down my face.

- I don't see anything – my lips moved independent from me.

- Where are you? - the voice was familiar.

- 25 clicks east from North A. But I don't see anything.

- It's ok. Who are you?

The tears kept falling. When was the last time I cried? Not since the memory wipe.

- Am I being wiped again? - lips still detached from my being.

- Who are you? - the voice grew insistent.

- Orchid, Lille, Iris, Cryo.

- Stop playing! Who are you?

- I don't know!

- Open your eyes! See! Who are you?

I was back in the forest, but this time not alone. Jack stood opposite to me, light summer fabrics covered him barely more than necessary.

- Who am I, can you tell? - I asked him. - Can you help me?

- You don't know? - his voice was playful, a deep, dark, brown baritone. - If you don't know, how should I?

- Please!

- Did it happen here? - his voice changed suddenly. It was serious, almost grim.

- Did what happen here?

- You have to remember! You have to open your eyes and see. Stop turning away. There is no pain here, it is lost. You took it from yourself! See it! He can't hurt you anymore.

- He can. He is too powerful. And I should not know. It was not meant to be seen. Not by me, not by anyone. It was supposed to be a secret!

- Are you sure? Why were you there then? Did you open that door? Did you open your eyes?

- No!

- Stop whining!

- I can't see!

- You can! You have to.

But there was nothing. Dull white walls shone around me. Darkness gathered in the distance. The man with the loud smile lingered in the corner. I felt his presence, but I had no way to move and look at him. For some reason I thought of the trees again, and I found myself in the forest.

I knew this place. I knew the trees, I gave them names as a child. Time passed and some of them diappeared but most stood the same.

- Who am I? - my voice sounded hoarse – Where do I belong?

Jack stepped out from behind a nearby tree.

- Do you really want to know? - he asked.

I opened and closed my lips, gasping for air.

-I..., I... - no words came. He leaned in closer.

- Open your eyes! - he whispered, and the sudden energy jolted me awake.