Wiped

A cyborg with panic attacks

- You are having panic attacks – he noted. Apparently it was male day today. We were still on the train. Nothing moved. - We are stranded – he added, addressing my unspoken concerns. - There is a roadblock, but they are working on it.

- Okay – I sat up. My head was spinning, and I felt dizzy. - Why? I should not be experiencing this. Cyborgs don't get panic attacks.

- Apparently you do.

- This is not funny Cuss-Bert!

- No it's not – he agreed, but his face lit up with merriment. - You should be in books or something. Under the title: abominations of medical science.

- You are the kindest person I know. Don't ruin it.

- Cryo, what's happening is that you are turning back to human. It started with the memory wipe, that is supposedly non-reversible, and now your whole body is dismantling. You are starting to feel again. In a medical sense you defy expectations.

- Brilliant. So what's next? I'll be taken to a menagerie and shown to the masses while a barker screams 'hear ye, see ye, a cyborg with panic attacks'?

- That is a very exciting opportunity too, but I was thinking about something else.

- Such as?

- Seeing that you won't drop this thing with Jack, maybe we can use that to your advantage. If he is your trigger, as we see him to be, why not continue with the reversal process? You said so yourself, they will try to destroy you in some way. Why not turn that to your advantage? They gave you a tool, use it.

- That will kill him.

I paused for a second. What will kill him really? When he looked at me in the Prism, only for a brief moment I saw something in his eyes. I saw that reservoir of life, that would wither and die if I tapped into it with my enhancements. And I saw myself too. The end of the road, where all this led to. That weird limbo state I was in.

But if I let him in - I had no idea. I never did that before, and the Halo was toast. The old tech, we had with us was less than ideal. I needed a lab, or something where I could get my hands on supplies.

The train started to move again, and soon the liners appeared too. They were programmed to deliver the messages this time, so each indiviual passanger was informed. The system was clever, nobody could say they haven't heard.

- So we are going to Oldtown, instead of G. Well, I've never been, that might be interesting, but I wonder why there would be a continuity problem in this line. I mean this is one of the most protected lines in Scarom – Cuss-Bert pondered.

- Don't read too much into it, it's more of a discomfort than anything. The lines break, this is not new.

- But Oldtown was where he got caught. There have been riots recently, and I think these things are connected.

- You know, at this point I wouldn't be suprised if a bunch of Handlers came in to take us to holding. Considering the topics we talk about.

He smiled at me broadly, and pulled up a small device. It was a masker. These things were illegal in Scarom, but partly due to this, extremely popular. Fringe groups used them, when they wanted to look inoccuous.

A masker worked in two ways. First, it jammed the conversation, but that obviously raised suspicion. So it didn't stop there. The second step was ingenious. It created a convesation of any topic using the voices of the speakers, selling that as a real chat to anyone who was listening.

I leaned in closer to observe the little machine. It was interesting, almond shaped, and as Cuss-Bert fashioned it, the whole thing was easily mistaken for a statement necklace. And anyone who knew him, also was aware of his fondness for jewellery through any of his genders.

- So you are a rebel – I summed up, but he shook his head.

- No. I'm just honest, and I like to be open.

- But this is illegal!

- And I live in the Prism. Not because I want to live there, but because I have to. It's not safe for me elsewhere. They call me a switcheroo, and if I'm not careful, they do worse things. You have your problems, and so have I. We both deal with them in our own way.

- Do you know him as well? - I pointed at Jack.

- No. First time I saw him was in your lab. I'm not a rebel, I'm only trying to survive. Just like everybody else is.

I looked at him and kept silent. He was right, obviously. It was my own fear that kept me from disobeying the system, and where did I end up?

- I know a place in Oldtown where we can get help – I said, after ruminating on it for a while.