Swollen Heads & High School Boys

The Waiting Game

"Oh, so now you're just going to up and leave!" she screamed at me. I stood there and took it. This was an inevitable end, and she knew this was coming sooner or later. It was way past over due.

"Denise, you as much as I know that this is unhealthy for the both of us," I explained slowly to her. I was a coward, I knew it.

"You know, he won't want you!" she said angrily screaming from the bed as I was leaving the dorm room.

"I know."

* * * * *

I just had to go and be the strange one. I wasn't normal like my Dad, my uncles, not even my cousins, which I had so many of. They all were crazy over chicks, and chicks digged us.

We had the McKoy tall built genes, sleepy grey eyes, jet black hair and tanned skin caused by days laboring on my grandfather's farm. Oh yes sir, all the ladies were just dying to sink their teeth in to get a taste of the McKoy men. There were enough women to choose, refuse and get confused with, but not me. I wasn't interested in any. No, I was interested in what my father referred to as Sin.

I even look stranger that the McKoys.

I say I'm strange because I ended up getting all the feminine features of my Mom. The men in my family were all muscular, as if they chopped lumber on a daily basis. With my girlish frame and soft spoken attitude, let's just say I was roughed up on purpose.

What made it worse, was when by the age of ten, I started liking boys, especially my neighbor's son Delmar. He was the absolute cutest thing ever to come to our town in ages. He was playing water gun with Denise, his sister. He was the only one out of the entire town that was actually smaller than I was, but he was also two years younger, so I guess it didn't really count. He was so adorable and cute, with rosy freckled cheeks and a dimpled grin that gave off that mischievous energy, bright blue eyes that smiled.

"Look at that woman, raising two kids. Where's her husband? She's raising that boy to be a ninny. Just look at him running around all carefree. Hardwork makes a man, I can already see what he's going to be," That's literally my Dad's whole commentary on seeing them. My cousins would say the same thing too.

I watched them from afar every day, since they'd moved in to the only other house close to us. Happily they played together as if in their own world. I, not having any brothers or sisters, just stared, sometimes wishing to be a part of the fun. Till one day, I guess the boy got tired of me staring and ran over to me.

"If you want to play, all you have to do is ask," he said handing me a water-gun.

I smile awkwardly back at him and looking down at my bucket of pig feed. "Sorry, I can't. I've got to feed the pigs and milk the cows, or my dad will get angry," I told him, wanting with all my might to just run wild and free like them.

"It'll be just five minutes. I'm sure he won't miss you in five minutes," the little kid said and sprayed water at me from his gun.

He giggled at my shocked expression and ran away. I took a hesitant look over my shoulders, before jumping the picket fence chased him around, spraying him with the gun. The girl him had stopped running with us, and just stared from the corner. He tried to get her to play with us too but she refused, ogling at the younger kid with eyes close to tearing up.

I remember my Dad scolding me for not doing what I was supposed to, and I kept out the fact that I had been playing with the neighbor. The ass whooping I received didn't hurt as much as it usually would have just because I'd finally spoken to this one person. It was worth it.

What was even better was when his Mom, Ms. Bern, came over to introduce herself; she was met by a slightly bruised-face Paul McKoy. "Oh my! What happened to you?!" she asked, her eyes horrified and her voice secreting worry that I'd never had shown to me.

"Um... nothing... I deserved this. I should've done my chores before playing water-gun," I said trying to make that worrying face disappear.

That only made her put her hands to her lips shocked. "No one deserves this."

"I'm so sorry! It was my fault wasn't it? I knew something bad would happen when I saw that man with fumes coming out of his ears," Delmar cried appearing from behind. I hadn't seen him tagging along side his mom.

"N-No. No such thing. Uh... uh... It doesn't even hurt, see," I replied a bit tongue-tied. I touched my bruise, gritting my teeth at the pain that shot through. "See? Not one bit."

He frowned, in a very similar form as his Mom. "So cute," I breathed with a smile. The phrase totally slipped from my mouth, and I blushed beet red like the horizon at the setting of the sun. "Uh uh .... I meant... your shirt." It was a stupid save, since he had on a plain white shirt. His Mom's stare was looking through my soul and she smiled knowingly at me, her eyes twinkling.

She got up from her kneeling position, and ruffled my hair, careful not to touch the injury. "I believe I saw your Dad's truck pull away. Why don't you come over for dinner to get that equally cute face of yours fixed up?" My Dad wouldn't want me going over there, and even if I wanted to, my pain tolerance was only so much. "Don't worry. I'll bring you back before he even notices," she quickly added when she saw the look on my face.

* * * * *

In Senior year, s**t it the fan.

Real fast.

As it turns out, Delmar and Denise had a very bad relationship. Denise wasn't his real sister and I guess, she felt left out the more we hanged out together. She had been acting out, sleeping around, getting wasted and whatever else rebellious teens did. She was the epitome of a problem child. I'd never really known how bad it was, since we'd barely talk. Delmar was my main interest.

That day, I was waiting for Delmar to reach home from soccer practice. I had considered Delmar to be what people may call, a best friend. We had been together since the very first day. We hardly ever separated, other than our different classes and to sleep at our respective houses; mostly I just stayed over at his house.

Anyways, so I was waiting for him. Sitting in front of Delmar's computer, I turned it on and was face to face with a picture of him in a skimpy boxer briefs, showing off the results of soccer training, as the cold waterfall fell on his shoulders, causing his cute pink n*****s to bud. It was a picture from the summer we had gone camping.

Least to say, my mouth watered and I was instantly turned on like the flip of a switch. It was always like that with Delmar. My body just responded at anything erotic he did. Even if it wasn't meant to be erotic.

I groaned, hiding it under my shirt but I couldn't take it.

More than a little guilty, I begun wanking off quickly to the picture on the screen. I was feeling so turned on, that I found myself moaning out. His devilish smile stretched from ear to ear, with seemingly soft lips spreading smoothly over white straight teeth. Sexy firm legs, that I imagined would be wrapped around me. "Oh god, Delmar, so f*****g hot," I whispered under my breath as I rubbed myself harder.

Suddenly, an image of Delmar covered in my semen appeared in my head, and without warning, I ejaculated ropes and ropes of c*m; hot and sticky all over the keyboard. My body spasmed as I rode through the best climax I'd had.

"I always knew you were one of them," I heard someone said bitterly. "And over my brother; that's even more disgusting."

I was frozen in place. All color drained from my face as I saw Denise leaning against the edge of the door looking at her fingernails in a bored fashion. "Denise, it isn't what it seems," I tried to say, but of course, it was a stupid lie.

It was definitely what it seemed.

"What's Mr. Mckoy gonna say 'bout having his son being a filthy Homo?" her steely eyes smiled wickedly as she just walked away.

"Wait!" I got up panicking, roughly wiping the keyboard with my sleeves, before running after her. I ran into her room, and locked the door behind me as I saw her sat on her bed watching me with dirty eyes. "He'd kill me!"

Sensing that she didn't care, she went on, "Even if I don't tell your Dad, just imagine what Delmar will say?"

I stood frozen, afraid of what this girl could do. It was the first time I was actually scared to death, and I didn't know by which; having my father try to beat the homosexual out of me, or having Delmar hate me. The latter was my priority.

"Since I'm so kind hearted," she whispered walking up to me, looking up at my tall frame. Her hands slipped under my shirt, soft and small, but no reaction. "I want you. So why don't we go out?"

Exposing a hard smooth chest, with a nice set of six-pack abs, she came closer kissing it, but still, I didn't feel the way I did when Delmar would whisper stuff to my ear. How his smooth hands would pressure my shoulders down, so I would bend down a little to hear what he had to say to me, how his hot breath would brush against the thin sensitive skin under my ear.

She pushed me unto the bed, and I let her do as she pleased. I couldn't, get hard for her. All I could do was think of Delmar. I thought, how good would it be if these were his hands that roamed my body. My mind wondered how his mouth would feel if his tongue could trace around my n*****s biting me, licking me, tasting me.

"See, you can get it going with girls too," Denise purred triumphantly, unknowing that my hardness was caused by my thoughts of Delmar. "Not as hopeless as I thought." Her sighs didn't sound like how I imagined Delmar's to sound like. Everything she did, as much as I figured her trying, didn't make me react inside.

Nope. I'm more hopeless than I thought.

------------------

You know what the sad ? I've always thought she hated me for taking away her brother, but no, I was wrong. She was actually in love with me, and used a forceful way of getting me to herself. I saw it many times. It was so clear to see in the rare soft expression she'd sometimes wear, as she looked on in a daze through a window. Satisfyingly immersed in the lie she created.

I, on the other hand, stayed as a way of protection. I'd been brained-washed into believing Homosexuals were dirty. Beaten by my Father for being the way I am. My masculinity wasn't up to par to what he was expecting. In the end, I gave up and moved out, thankful for the inheritance my mother had left behind for me. Being with Denise, was like a way to keep my desires in control before I ended up hurting Delmar, and staining him with my filth.

I just had to go and be the strange one.

I hadn't been staying over at his house after Denise and I laid out our bed of thorns. It was impossible for me to do so, knowing that he was only an arms length away.

A night came with the two of us staying up way past bedtime. Delmar and I were playing Call of Duty on his 360, and truthfully, he was kicking my ass.

Denise and I had had a very particular nasty fight when I tried ending things with her, and she had stormed out of my apartment. Not before threatening to kill herself or get me accused of r**e if I left her. I was living in literal hell. I couldn't risk an accusation such as that. I had to get away to my own safe haven, which was right by Delmar side. Right where his presence resided.

"So you and Denise?" he asked in a light tone, bumping me with his shoulders.

In my head, I had this obsession about saving him from myself. I wouldn't lie to him, so I choose to to just not answer the question. "Truth?" he asked as he paused the game.

"Truth," I acknowledged. It was our thing to say, when we were about to say something serious. You know, just so that the other one knows; since we both joked a lot, with sarcasm being our second language.

"Out of all those jokers out there, I would rather you be with her," he said awkwardly rubbing his neck with a dry laugh, "I just don't understand though. What do you see in her crazy ass? What I'm trying to say is, I know my sister, she is not the nicest of persons, and you are, well... Pauly." He sighed as if his words didn't sound right to him. "Paul sincerely, you're one of the purest, nicest guys I know, not to mention shy. I just wouldn't want you to get hurt."

That actually made me laugh a little, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Pure? What part of me was pure when all I wanted was to bend him over and stick my tongue everywhere it shouldn't be? What part of me was nice when all I wanted to do is to lose control without hurting him? "I ain't shy. I'm examining my prey," I threw back smiling.

"Oh you are?" he teased lightly, but I felt like he could see right through my act, when he added "but you have this weird haunted look in your eyes when you are with her." Here he laughed lively; innocently even. "You know, I thought she hated your guts, who would've known huh?" We were silent as he resumed the game and we played for a couple minutes. "Anyways, I, the best friend, refused to get parked. I did saw you first."

I was somber. Delmar was darn spot on, but to me he sounded as if he was jealous. Could I dare to hope? "Are you envying me or her?" I asked without thinking, but still flashed him a smirk in between kills.

"Ha Ha. It's your fault for abandoning me. I had to hang out with Michael all this time. That's suppose to be some type of offense in the BFF-Guy-Code-Book somewhere," he countered. "Sometimes, I don't know what goes through that head of yours."

While that sounded innocent enough, I could hear some deeper meaning behind his words or imagined them at best. Was he really jealous? Did he maybe harbor some feelings for me? I was flipping out. Even if it's just an inkling, I didn't want to lose out. Maybe... Maybe the Gods were finally looking down on me.

"Aww, aren't you being pretty cute right now. Just admit it, you miss me," I goaded to get some spark out of him. I needed to know if there's anything between us that I could work with. Anything at all!

"Oh. Just go jump of a bridge," he shot glaring at me playfully, and reached out to fumble with my controller causing me to get shot by a Sniper in one of the buildings.

His arms were bigger than mine, his calves were shapely and firm thanks to all that soccer practice. While I had little to no muscles, I still had more in the height department and stole his controller out of his hand lifting it high up in the air. "Very funny, now give it back." I shook at my head knowing my way to baiting him out of his plush cushion seat. Anything to bring him closer to me.

"Get it back pretty boy!" I baited. Waving it some more, and watched him getting assassinated on the screen and shooting at his team members, getting yelled at by the other online gamers. "You gotta work for it shorty."

"You gonna pay for that now," he shouted attacking me.

We started to wrestle for his controller. He was way stronger than I was and he was heavier, so I couldn't really do anything worth bragging about. All I did was waved the control in the right directions until soon I got him under me, both of us heaving and laughing out loud at our childish antics.

He didn't wiggle out of our position, and suddenly our eyes locked. Our breaths getting caught in our throats as our eyes peered down to each other. I visually saw him gulp, his Adam apple going up and down.

"I've been paying, for a long time," I breathed more to myself that to him. My head swam but I was trying to pull back the reigns before doing something stupid.

His thick brows furrowed as he stared at me confused, biting into his lower lip unconsciously; my control snapped. My lips crushed his with an urgency that I didn't know I had. I wanted to taste him before he disappeared if this was a dream. He pushed against me in shocked protest, but moaned into my mouth nonetheless.

I took advantage of his gasps and licked my way to his tongue, which battled unwilling against mine. I claimed his lips, sucking them between my own, before he started giving in responding with an eagerness of his own. I was taken aback as he bit into my lip, causing me to moan into his mouth.

Then he really did pushed me away when he felt my hand slipped under his shirt. My fingers lightly brushing over his n*****s. He pushed me so hard, that my head connected with the edge of a nearby table, with pain igniting the back of my skull.

"Why did you do that?" he hissed angrily, his face flushed and cheeks flaming red. He had pressed himself unto the wall furthest away from me; gripping his shirt in the front. It was obvious from the tent evident in his pants that he had felt it too. That he had felt that ungodly, unmistakable spark from such a simple kiss.

"Because I wanted to. I've always wanted to," I replied getting up, noticing the red on my fingers after rubbing the bump on my head. Mentally self-banning myself from his home, I looked back into Delmar's confused eyes. "I'm sorry," I sighed, my voice cracking before I was out the door in under a minute.

* * * * *

He started hanging out with the popular kids, as he should have done from the very beginning. As for me, I just faded away from his side. I didn't pursue, and swallowed my rejection with dignity. I didn't approach him, nor did he approach me. Not like I expected him to. I could go on and on about how much it hurt not being able to go back to being friends, but I'd convince myself, that it hurt less than to just stay his friend, yearning endlessly in one agonizing cycle.

So now, after summarizing a little bit of the past, in as little words possible, it brings us back to where we started. I had just learnt that Paul had gotten a scholarship to Australia. Something soccer related. Why did he choose such a far out University is beyond me. Did he really want to get as far away as possible from here? Was it because of me?

Either way, I'd had enough with this unhealthy relationship Denise and I had. Everyday it ate at me, till I literally couldn't have any sort of intercourse with her. In fact, I hadn't even touched her since that last night with Delmar.

"Oh, so now you're just going to up and leave!" she screamed at me. I stood there at took it, because I knew this had to end somehow.

"Denise, I feel empty. You knew from the start that I couldn't love you. Believe me, I tried." I explain slowly to her. "I can't do this anymore. We've broken each other's spirits Denny. There's more to existing; we need to learn to live. I need to... move on; just like Delmar's done. I suggest you do the same as well."

"You know, he won't want you!" she said angrily screaming from the bed as I was leaving the dorm room tears streaking down her face.

With him going away, there's no reason for me to stick around. I wouldn't be able to smell his essence every time I visit Ms. Bern. He wouldn't be at school. He wouldn't even be in the same country or continent for that matter.

"I know," was all I could say.

* * * *

I didn't go straight to my apartment after leaving Denise's dorm.

Nope. I went bar hopping from place to place to place. Drinking every thing alcoholic. I'd never been a drinker, but I needed to get wasted.

I didn't want to reminisce any more. My alcohol tolerance was surprisingly pretty high, since it took me 3 bars to finally start getting a buzz going. Before the night was done, I was seeing doubles and was kicked out from three pubs. After I had enough, I caught a cab to my apartment. My eyes barely seeing the time which seemed to be just after 2am,

Looking at my bare small apartment, I entered with heavy feet and totally s**t-faced. As soon as I reached into my house, I crumbled unto the floor in front of the couch, hugging my crying form in the dark. By Gods, I'm one of those emotional drunks, I thought to myself. Even so, I cried silently letting the tears fall freely unto my cheeks, sniffling once or twice to try and catch my breath.

"Paul?" Great, now I'm hearing voices, I thought as I wiped my face. I could've sworn I'd heard Delmar call my name. "Paul?" I heard more clearly, my head jerking up. My heart was caught in my throat, as I saw him coming into my apartment, turning on the switch, flooding the room with light.

He looked down at me, a frown appearing over his pink lips. We didn't say anything for a minute. In my defense, I was drunk so I was still trying to wrap my head around a reason of why he would be here. "You're crying?" he asked softly with a wry smile, as he inched near to me.

Without meaning to, I scuffled a little away from him.

He had changed. He even had a goatee to boot, with a leaner frame. His hair looked freshly trimmed, and his face had matured since the last time I'd seen him. Strong jaw line defined his face and his once cute pink lips were now thin, and firm but visibly still as soft as I'd once tasted. He was definitely bigger than me by a lot; his level of attractiveness was breaking score boards and I just sat there unable to say a word.

"Why're you here?" I asked, my words slurred. I remembered how angry he looked that time, and steeled myself. "You here to degrade me or somethin'? huh?" I spat drunkenly.

"Your door was wide open," he said quietly and then took a seat right beside me. "Denise told me everything. Well, it was more like her screaming bloody murder at me."

"So what? Go away," I retorted. "You don't care, do ya? You're jus' goin' nway. Leavin' everyone. You're mom, your friens, your family, forgettin' everyone," I babbled, annoyed that my tongue was so heavy, making my words sound as if I was on Loopy Gas.

"I'm not forgetting anyone. Not my family, not my friends, not you... or that kiss," he answered.

I scoffed loudly, and in my state, it came out like a snort. "After receiving 3 stitches when you pushed me, I had no other option than to forget it. And you should too."

He growled this time angrily, causing me to jump shaking me 50% back to sober. "Don't you think I've tried?! I can't forget that kiss. You were going out with my sister for Christ's sakes. How would it look to outsiders, who don't comprehend the situation?" he asked whispering. "I can't forget the way you smelled or how soft you felt on top of me, or how deep and dark your eyes were. When I pushed you off, I've haven't been able to forget that hurt look on your face, and knowing that I was the one who caused it."

"I've never cared of what people think."

He wrapped me into his arms and took a steady breath. "Shh! I'm trying to explain something here," he whispered into my ear. Placing his forehead against mine, he exhaled a breath, fingers mingling in my hair. " I can't get you out of my head since that kiss, and I've wanted to see you since then."

"Why didn't you?" I responded. "I waited for so long... a-and now you're going a-away to Australia!"

He looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and wiped away a tear. "I'm sorry. Everything happened at the wrong time. You were with my sister. After what I did, I didn't think you'd want to talk to me anymore."

I wiped my haggard face and laughed bitterly. "I guess, we were both a little stupid."

Delmar's hand reached for me and pulled me into his side. I leaned against his shoulder and we stayed like that for couple minutes. Our eyes connected in the silence and he had me in his arms with his mouth on mine, hungrily forcing his tongue into my mouth. His kiss was sweet and gentle for second. Then it ignited like a match, starving. It sent so many sorts of sensation down my spine. The way he latched onto my tongue, and his teeth grazed my lips harshly, made my heart melt in a puddle. If I'd been standing up, I'd have fallen.

I leaned into his warm kiss, and let his tongue attacked my sensitive neck and ears, as I moaned involuntarily for him. A sound that I never knew I could make. Pulling me on top of his lap, I straddled him as we deepened the kiss little by little. I felt my hardness pressing against his abdomen.

His eyes widened and he stared at me with a satisfied smirk on his face. "Your facial expression now is absolutely priceless. I didn't even expected you to blush. Your cheeks, the tip of your ears, even your neck is so pink. Just a kiss and your already like that?"

As if he was one to speak. To what I remember, he was in the same state when I had kissed him. "Hey, no teasing; I didn't know you'd be this... this comfortable with kissing a guy," I said covering my face with my forearm.

"Oh, you'd be surprised about what all I'm comfortable with," he whispered seductively as he rubbed my erection through my pants with his big hands. "After all, don't you think I'd be curious? I do have internet, so I've learnt a few things. "

"O-kay," I moaned out embarrassed, distracted by his invading hand that was rubbing my northern region. "I think we need to slow down here for a minute," cursing myself as I said so.

He eased off of me, but placed his hand on my waist, his forehead on my shoulder. "I really care for you Paul. I hate to think that it might be too late for us. I don't know how this Soccer career is going to work out. I might come back, I might not. But I really need for you to know, that I care."

No one was as surprised as I was that he actually felt anything towards me and I felt like a total asshole for not trying harder, then maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time. Was it really this easy to have confessed in the first place? Thinking back, maybe I started getting a little melodramatic at the end there, and all of this could have been avoided if I had just confessed properly.

We nodded off somewhere around six in the morning. He had his arms around me as I balled up into his chest feeling the meaning of safety in his arms. When did he grow so much? I always thought that I'd be the top, him being so small and cute, but now he was literally a big man. Even if he was barely eighteen, his built had him looking twenty-one, and I being twenty and still looking like a damn seventeen year old. I, somehow felt this really nice sensation being held.

Maybe because it was him.

We spent the last week he had before moving, in each others company. And no. Not in bed. We mostly spent the time catching up and trying to mend whatever relationship we had left. We grew closer and whatever we felt kept growing and swelling into something beautiful. Well, as beautiful as it lasted.

On the day of his departure, Ms. Bern was in tears when she saw her son packed, and ready to leave at the airport. His bags had already been sent off to the plane. I met Michael, Delmar's friend and co-captain of the soccer team that day. He had given us a ride to the airport. All the while poking fun at the 'Princess', a name that he used to refer to me, saying that I had his shoulder to cry on after Delmar was gone. The three of us, making one last memory.

"I won't ask you to wait for me, but when I return, can we pick up back from where we started?" Delmar had asked as he was about to board the plane. The line wasn't long but I could definitely see some displeasing glares of those in it.

"Only if you return. Now go, you're holding up the line," I smiled sadly at him, and giving him a playful on punch to the shoulder. I didn't need every one to see how really gay I actually was for this damn guy.

He passed the detector, and I stood on the side watching his departing form. Suddenly, he turned around and bolted towards the metal detector and grabbed unto my jacket from the opposite side. Before I could object, he had pulled me into a surprise kiss. I heard the groan of disgust from people that were looking, but I didn't care, they weren't the one who won't be able to see their special person for three years.

"See you!" he shouted on purpose as he disappeared into the curve of the hallway leading to the entrance of the plane. I laughed shyly at his courage. Michael's expression was shocked, but he didn't watch in disgust. He just stared at my expression, which couldn't be described as anything but painful. I knew it deep down, that this might be the last time I saw him.

"Goodbye," I whispered knowing he would not be able to hear me. I could feel my face burning up with the blush creeping into my cheeks and ears, as I willed myself not to cry.

* * * * *

And well, that's it. He left. What's more is that I've been patiently waiting for him ever since.

Denise was a mess after that. She went to study in Detroit and now lives with her aunt. She tried to commit suicide because she claimed that I was hers, and only hers. She knew my heart belonged to Delmar, long before she manipulated my weakness. I did apologized, or at the least, tried my best to, but nothing good came out of it. She made her mark by saying that Delmar will never return, he'd love Australia, and I would end up alone.

In a way I believed her.

Sure there were tons of letters, and e-mails. I even bought a computer and installed Skype. Three years, became four, and then stretched to five. I still have hopes that maybe he'll come back. His mother believes it too since he calls her once every two weeks, but no calls for me. I tried to call once, but a girl answered. I couldn't try again afraid to hear something that I don't want to hear.

Michael, of whom I'd never really give a second thought of, became a good friend in Delmar's absence. He'd been really nice in being there during my break-downs and I have no recollection of calling him; he'd just always be there.

I was left warped and aimless most days, and Michael, who already knew more or less of my history with Delmar, knew how to bring me back from my episodes. Sometimes I get a certain feeling from him, but I'm pretty sure it could be my mind finding Delmar in him. I'm pretty sure it's just the loneliness.

If Delmar does return, I hope he still feels the same. What would I do if maybe he changed his mind and didn't want to be with me anymore? Or maybe, it was a sudden phase, egged on by pity for me. I guess that maybe Denise does have a point that he'd love being across the world, than in a small Texan town. I couldn't stand thinking like that, but my hope was starting to rust after seven years had passed.

Like the saying goes: 'If you love something let it go; Once its for you, it'll return'. Then again, there's another saying: 'Some times giving up doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're strong enough to let go'.

What we had was as beautiful as a budding flower, but unfortunately, it didn't have enough time to bloom. The question is, will it wither away, or will it grow and take root, like an oak tree would. With no answer to those, I'd still manage to somehow convince myself, that one day he will come back.

So till then, I'm stuck playing the waiting game.