Lost Cowboy

Chapter 5 - I\'m Sorry

Jessie’s P.O.V

Midnight Thunder is a monster, one ton of muscle and unbridled fury. With a coat as black as coal, this bull was a nightmare. An unpredictable and ruthless beast, he’s always searching for a target. He never followed a pattern out of the chute. The beast has sent more riders to the hospital than that has ridden him. Why today? f**k, why did I get drawn against him?

I sat in the dressing room, rereading my notes, getting more frustrated every time. There wasn’t a proper way to prepare for a trash bull. He’ll throw everything at you, including the kitchen sink, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll do it again. I stuffed the notebook into my bag in frustration before exiting the dressing room. I pulled my hat off and ran my fingers through my hair. Damn it, why is this getting to me so much? Any other day, I’d take everything in stride. Then I’d cowboy up and ride. But ever since that dream, I’ve been a mess.

I meandered my way to the horse stables to check how Sunny was getting along this morning. I walked up to the stable gate and laid my arms across the top. My chin lowered and rested on my hands. She was double-checking the buckles and making sure everything was tight. She noticed I was there and flashed a smile my way. The corners of my mouth lifted into a smile as I continued resting my chin on my hands.

“Are you OK, Jessie?” she asked as she brushed the horse’s mane.

I thought for a moment, “I honestly don’t know.”

She c****d her head at me.

“Now I know you’re not alright. Usually, you have a cocky response,” Sunny said.

I shrugged and continued watching her. My mind began wandering as I stared. I spent many days working in horse stalls with two people. That was a lifetime ago now.

“Jessie, did you hear me?” Sunny asked, smacking the brush on the stable gate.

I shook my head.

“Sorry, I got lost in my little world,” I said.

“You need to snap out of it. You better focus today,” Sunny scolded me.

“I take it you found out,” I said.

Sunny nodded.

“Yes, I will not lie, but I’m worried. You have not been yourself today. You need to get your s**t together and cowboy up Jessie,” she prodded.

How do you suggest I do that? I chuckled.

“I could slap you around for a while,” she grinned.

“Oh, I might enjoy that too much,” I smirked.

She threw the brush at me.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, you perv,” she groaned.

Lucky for me, I ducked before it hit me in the face. Sunny glared at me as I let out a big belly laugh. I grabbed the brush and handed it back.

“I will be fine. Don’t forget. I’m indestructible,” I grinned.

She shook her head.

“And there’s the arrogant Jessie we remember,” she sighed.

I opened the gate and walked into the stall. My arms wrapped around Sunny from behind, and I squeezed her tight.

“I will be fine. No bull will ever get the best of me,” I boasted.

She gave me a sideways glance and turned back to her horse. She didn’t believe what I was telling her. Hell, I wasn’t sure I did either. My lips landed on her neck, causing a small whimper to emanate from Sunny.

“I’ll go so you can get ready,” I said and left the stall.

I made my way to the stands and found Frank. Without saying a word, I sat in the seat beside him. He turned and glanced at me, the concern plastered on his face. He never spoke and shifted back towards the arena. I’ve got to focus and bury any doubts creeping into my head.

I sat and watched as the barrel racing finals began. Because of Sunny’s position on the leader board, she raced near the end of the schedule. I passed the time by critiquing each rider as they completed their rides. I had spent countless hours at Willow’s practices. Watching her taught me as near much about barrel racing as bull riding. There it goes again. It’s been six years since my thoughts have gone to her. Now she has popped up three times in two days. I shook my head, trying to remove my thoughts from her. God, how much longer until Sunny runs?

Sunny was up, and I leaned forward in my seat, resting my elbows on my knees. She took off, pushing her horse as hard as she dared. As the horse rounded each barrel, Sunny spurred it onward. She rounded the last barrel, smacking the horse on the rear with everything she had left.

“You new leader, Sunny Hart, with a blazing 14.55!” the announcer relayed as the crowd roared.

When that announcement finished, I stood and hurried to the dressing room. I need an escape from the arena. I put on my spurs and chaps. Then I laid my vest on the chair beside me. It was a long wait before my ride, so I leaned my head back against the wall and lowered my hat over my eyes. I enjoyed a good nap before a big show, and since I didn’t sleep well last night, I needed it. It was my way of relaxing. I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting. I hope I don’t have another f*****g dream.

**********

“Nothing will happen to me. I’m too good for something to happen,” I boasted.

“Damn it, Jessie, that’s what I mean. You are human, you’ll make mistakes, and if you don’t take this seriously, that’s when you will get hurt. You’ve been lucky. But I’m scared that one day it will catch up to you. I love you, Jessie, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m terrified that one day something will go wrong. Then I have to sit there and helplessly watch. Please don’t do this.” she pleaded with me.

“This is my opportunity. I can’t give up now. I can be one of the best. Please, I want you there with me when it happens. I love you, but please don’t make me choose,” I begged.

The tears started streaming over her cheeks.

“I will not make you choose, Jessie. I’ll do it for you,” she sobbed.

My face dropped.

“Willow, please don’t,” I pleaded.

“I can’t go with you. I can’t bear to see you get hurt,” Willow whispered.

“Jessie!” Frank bellowed as he kicked my foot.

I jolted awake and pulled the hat from my eyes. I blinked twice, trying to adjust to the bright room.

“You’re next up,” he said.

“f**k,” I whispered as I rubbed my eyes.

These f*****g dreams need to stop. I hate reliving that painful day because I lost everything.

“Jessie, hurry!” Frank yelled again from the doorway.

I zipped my vest up and grabbed my bull rope. I hurried out the door, making my way to the chute. The massive beast was there and waiting for me. I climbed the fence and threw the rope over his back. Once I got it secured around the bull’s chest, I lowered myself onto his back. Frank held the tail end of the rope as I shoved my gloved hand in the handle. Once my hand was in position, Frank pulled on the rope to tighten it. The beast reared its head back. His gray horns came inches from striking me. Frank reset, pulling the rope tight and handing it to me. I finished wrapping it around my hand as the bull bucked and kicked the chute. He was mighty unhappy with me sitting on his back. I slid forward and rested my hand on top of the gate.

As I nodded, a voice popped into my head, “Please don’t do this.”

The gate clanged open, and the bull burst out with a fury. He started into a left-hand spin, kicking and throwing his head back. It was taking everything I had to keep myself centered on his back. He stopped spinning and hopped into the air. The monster fired a thunderous buck, causing me to lean too far back into it. s**t, not a good start. My momentum flung me forward, and the bull reared his head back. I closed my eyes, knowing the impact was coming. My face smashed against the bull’s head, dazing me.

My body went limp as the beast spun to the right. I slipped into the well. At first, my hand did not release. My worst nightmare came to life. I tried to gain control of my body, but my mind wasn’t cooperating. I heard the bullfighters yelling at the bull, trying to get its attention. One bullfighter had leaped onto the bull’s back, trying to free my hand. The bull swung its head towards me and hit my back with one of its horns, making me gasp for air.

My hand released, but my plight had changed little. I landed in the dirt beneath the beast. I struggled to keep my limbs from under the bull’s massive hooves, but it wasn’t enough. The bull’s front hoove landed on my lower left leg, and I felt a blood-curdling snap. I could only scream in agony as the pain radiated through my body. I wasn’t able to move. The intense pain was unbearable.

When I thought the bull had left, he flashed into my view. He had spun and was rushing at me. I couldn’t move because of the paralyzing pain in my leg. The bullfighters tried everything, but the beast lowered its head and rammed me into the chest. I gasped for air as the bullfighters surrounded me and finally got the monster out of the arena. The blackness crept in as the medical staff raced towards me. Willow’s sad face appeared to me as I was losing consciousness.

“I’m sorry, Willow,” I whispered as the darkness overtook me.