The Guy With The Diary

Chapter 5

NIKLAS

Another day with nothing to do. I was sitting on the floor of the living room, seeing a movie alone.

I stayed there till noon before Phil came out of his room. His face had lines and his eyes seemed dull. He had just woken up, I figured.

“Anything to eat?” He asked, speaking more to the little bar he gave his attention to than to me.

“Yeah,” I said.

Wait, was he crying?

I gave him a more thorough look and it was increasingly convincing that he was crying. If the lines of drying tear marks weren't enough proof, his heavy eye bags were.

I waited for him to sit before I asked him what the issue was. He seemed uneasy at first but managed to tell me that there was no problem. Of course, that was a lie. I asked him again and again. His answer remained unchanged until he stopped answering altogether and just kept eating his meal.

He was one of those people who were clearly suffering, but would never ask for help, or even accept any. A miserable fellow he was indeed.

I knew Phil had a good-ish heart, but I wasn't sure why he was always sad. I wanted to know, but I knew he would never tell me— willingly.

And so, I decided to break my own rules. I've been a good boy for many years now, haven't I?

I moved to where he sat, held his face and looked him in the eyes.

“Why are you always sad?” I asked. “Tell me everything, leave nothing out.”

I hated using my powers on humans, even compulsion which didn't always have to be bad, but in this case, I was trying to help.

He began to tell me everything, and man, was it a lot. I didn't expect what Phil said to me at all. My eyes widened as he spoke and I struggled to keep up with all he said.

From what I gathered, his stepbrother m*losted him when he was a little boy. Not once. Not twice, not ten times, but the whole year he spent in the man's home. He had been little so couldn't say anything, and till this day, he never got the courage to tell anyone. Not even his parents.

“Oh, I see,” I let out, holding Phil's face once more. “Forget you said anything to me.”

I left his seat and he kept eating, unaware of what had just happened.

This was very sad. No wonder Phil was always so moody and melancholic. He had gone through hell as a kid and still had hell living in his mind. This kind of explained why he couldn't keep friends or any relationships. Or a good conversation.

I could relate to his suffering as a child. No, I wasn't abused or anything like that, but I didn't have the best childhood. It seemed to me then that there was so much I had to learn in very little time. There were loads of things I had been made to come to terms with. I remember feeling so burdened because I knew that I had to keep myself in check. I had to.

It wasn't easy for Father to teach me all about the vampire way. The hardest part was explaining how I was given birth to. From what I learnt, that was impossible, yet somehow, here I was. I can recall telling my mother that I didn't ever want to get married. I meant it. There were many vampire girls, but I never liked any of them. At least, then I didn't. Hell, I didn't even like myself then.

Phil’s story made me remember the first time I had s*x. I recall telling some vamp guys that I would die a virgin. Why? Because I spent my whole life thinking of myself as a beast and I wanted no pleasure at all. I felt I deserved to be sad because I was a monster. And monsters shouldn't be happy, should they?

I lost my virginity when I was nineteen to a “girl” who was fifty-two years older than me. Don't cringe… it was pretty normal amongst vampires. Her name was Ariana. Ariana was very beautiful and looked like she was in her twenties. Her red hair went down to her waist and her nails, though artificially fixed, always made her appear tough and dangerous.

Before that night when she came into the Father's study, I had never thought of her in a s****l way, though she was a glamorous beauty.

It wasn't uncommon to find me in Father's humongous study all through the night, mostly looking at the books, and at times, reading. I liked the peace I got there. It was the one place I knew I would always be alone and find some quiet. Mostly, I would stay there scribbling on one of the many journals I had then.

We, vampires, didn't need to sleep and only do so when we felt like it. Sleeping didn't make us stronger or anything. It was useless to us, but funny enough, most vampires still slept at night to fit into the world of humans. Vampires did all they could to act human so we didn't seem weird in the crowd. For instance, many vampires still hit the clubs and bars drinking non-stop even though they knew they could never feel the effect of the drink.

Now that I wasn't back at home, I did my fair share of sleeping.

“Still awake,” Ariana stated as she walked up into the study, wearing nothing but a silk gown. Not even a pair of slippers.

“Do I ever sleep?” I asked, not even looking at her. “There is nothing to sleep for. There's nothing to do anything for.”

“Typical Niklas. Always alone and gloomy. Looking at the walls to see if they had the answers to all the many questions that have no relevance.”

I couldn't remember exactly what we talked about and I kept telling her how much I wished I was born human. I told that to everyone back then. Whenever I said anything about being born, they all acted like I was crazy but would never say anything.

I began to notice how beautiful she was. Beneath the gown she wore, it became noticeable to my little mind that she had nothing on.

My hands went under the table to caress the crotch area of my pyjamas where a not-so-little bulge had risen.

She said something like, “Are you just going to stare or actually get those hands on me?” Can't remember exactly how she said it, but it was something to that effect. And that was it. Every day we would meet and have s*x. This lasted for about seven months or so.

I took out my diary, about to start writing, when my phone rang. It was Mother.

“Hi, Niklas!” Mother greeted. “How are you doing? Hope you're staying safe?”

Mother went on to engage in some talk. Knowing her, I was certain she had something else to say. Mother did not call often. Or at all. At least, not unless she had something she wanted you to do.

Clearing her throat, she said, “I will like to see you as soon as possible.”

Suddenly, all the friendliness dissapeared from her voice and a coldness I was quite familiar with took it place.

“I will visit during the holidays.”

“We are not silly humans, we don't celebrate sh!t.”

“What if I want to be silly?”

“I didn't train you to be silly, did I?”

Taking a deep breath, I said, “I will be in a fortnight.”

“That is so far away,” she stated. “I need you here now.”

“How soon?”

“Two days at most.”

“Pardon me?”

She raised her voice a little while enunciating every word she uttered. “Niklas, it is of utmost importance.”

“I will be there in a week,” I said.

“Did you not hear me? I said I need you here in two days at the very latest.”

“I have a life here, you can't—”

She cut in. “I will be expecting you, Nik.”

She hung up.

Damn. To get home, I needed to get aboard a twelve-hour flight. Twelve hours! She was acting like where she stayed was an hour's drive away or something. Typical of Mother.

“I've been wanting to ask you this for a while,” Phil said, sitting on the cushion opposite mine. “It's fine if you're not interested. It's probably a lot of trouble.”

“What’s it?” I inquired.

“There is this bar my parents just got from an old man on the campus and they want me to run it.“

I already knew where he was going, but allowed him to say what he wanted to say.

He continued. “Of course, I will hire someone later on, but I still need to run it before that happens.”

“I will help in any way I can, Phil.”

“Thanks a lot, man,” Phil said and smiled.

He was in a good mood now, I guessed.

“Damn,” I let out, remembering that I have to prepare for a very long flight.

My phone beeped and it was a message from Mother. It said, ‘I will be expecting you, Nik.”

Damn.