The Guy With The Diary

Chapter 4

BELLA

Today was a free day for me. I had nothing to do. Usually, I loved me a lazy day like this, but not this time, it seemed.

This was the problem. I couldn't get that bloody guy out of my head. I knew this wouldn't make sense so I kept it to myself. But it wasn't easy at all for me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. I saw him as though he was before me, holding a diary in his hands. I can visualize his complexion, his height, his build… his everything! I remembered how he sat, how his head was tilted a little to the left as he wrote into his diary. I couldn't play his voice in my head, but that only meant I kept trying to remember what he sounded like.

“You look like you fought a bear in your sleep,” Maggy said, preparing breakfast for us both.

“I may have preferred to fight a bear.“

Maggy narrowed her stare at me. “Is anything the matter?”

Maggy and I have been besties for as long as I can remember, but there's only so much you can put a friend through. Besides, I didn't think I could actually tell her how I was feeling without sounding like an absolute nutter. I mean, did I even know how I was feeling? Could I manage, somehow, to put it into words?

How do I tell Maggy that I have… seemingly… fallen in love with a guy I saw on one bloody night? And then we didn't even have a conversation because the guy was both an angel and an ass, from what I gathered.

“No, I'm all good,” I stated, shoving a spoonful of cereal into my mouth.

“You know you can tell me anything.”

I smiled at her, deliberately blinking to make her laugh. “Of course, I do. I'm good, in fact, I'm great.“

“Good to hear,” Maggy echoed.

How I wish I could tell her that I was running crazy. It was seven bloody days already and I still thought about him. It was beginning to make me feel a kind of way. This guy whom I hadn't really spoken to, managed to change me and it was annoying how vulnerable I felt. It was like there was a mini storm in my head, and was truly a miracle that my little head hadn't found its way to the ground.

Knowing myself, I couldn't go crazy for any guy. Everyone who knew me could testify to this. Luke was the love of my life. We had plans… literal plans. After college, we were going to get married, have kids and pets, and just try our best to stick together. It has been working quite well for five years and prior to seeing that guy at the party, I had never thought about anyone else.

I downed a bottle of cold water after I had eaten my breakfast, went to my room, looked into the mirror, and literally laughed at myself. I was Bella f*cking Thompson. I was confident, assertive, and strong. Now I hated being like those girls who tried to convince others that they were different, but I knew I wasn't one that fell easily for guys, or at all. Luke and I were meant to be and nothing under the sky could make me think otherwise. No one could make me think otherwise. Not even if he looked like he dropped from the heavens.

“So we are going to forget about that guy and go into the campus and have ourselves some fun,” I said to myself as I put some make-up on.

Just as I got onto the campus, a vibrant guy stopped me and asked me if I would like to join some student support society that helped convince students to take their mental health seriously.

I was always down for stuff like this. Many might not be interested, but damn, I was. I told him I was honoured to be part and put my name down.

“I'm super happy that you're interested,” the guy said.

“I’m sure you have loads of people putting their names down.”

He looked at me and brought his gaze to his feet. “Sadly, no. You're the sixty-first person to join and I've been doing this for about months now. It has been about a week since the last person joined.” He held onto some brown paper he had in his hands. “It was some smoking hot dude with the whitest skin I have ever seen.”

Wait… what?

“Smoking hot?” I let out, without realizing I was saying the words aloud.

“Yeah, he is. Like very good-looking.”

“Oh, so…” I took the list from his hands and my eyes ran down to the bottom of the last page.

The last name just before mine was “Niklas Dalima”.

Very pale skin and hot. Man, did the shoe fit?

I handed the list back to the guy, got myself some coffee and started heading home. I didn't feel like being outside anymore.

Laying flat on my bed with my back against the cushion, I wondered why this was happening to me, and why seeing a good-looking guy was beginning to become a problem for me.

Then I heard a noise in the kitchen so I figured Maggy was still around.

“Making something to eat?” I inquired as I saw Maggy breaking some eggs on the counter.

“Yeah, I got hungry. Want something to eat?”

“No, I'm good.”

Should I tell Maggy about him? Maybe my dumb brain needed someone telling me that I should stop acting like a stupid f*ck. Fine, I would do it. Maggy was the sweetest person anyway, so nothing could go wrong.

“Maggy, do you know one very white guy who's like really handsome?”

Yeah, I regretted saying it after half the words came out of my mouth. I felt my brain cells wailing in shame I spoke.

“What?” Maggy inquired, quite alarmed.

“I wanted to know if you knew some dude I saw at Phil's party that day.”

“So he's a dude, white and really handsome? Bella, I'm afraid you're talking about half the dudes in this country. Okay, maybe not half, but still that could apply to an awful lot of dudes.”

“You know what? Forget it. I just wanted to know… uhm, where he got… yeah, where he got his shirt. I loved his shirt and would love to get it for Luke. But it doesn't matter now.”

“Awwn. You and Luke are like the most adorable lovebirds ever. I'm always so damn jealous. Like nothing can ever go wrong between you guys.”

Maybe you shouldn't speak too soon, I thought to myself.

Maggy left a while later for the library. I was left having the apartment to myself. I needed the solitude, no doubt.

Luke called.

“Can I come over?” he said over the phone. “I have been busy for the past three days or so. We have barely spoken.”

“Yeah, I think I noticed.”

“You sound so low, you're sure you're alright?”

I cleared my throat and tried to sound more like myself. “Yeah, I'm great, it's probably the service.”

“Okay, I'm coming over right now.”

For the first time in forever, I wanted to say no. Hell, I wanted to yell “no” and smash my phone on my forehead. I baldy wanted to tell him that I didn't want him to come over right now. I didn't want to see anyone now. Especially him. I had to make sense out of my thoughts and him coming over now wasn't what I needed at all.

“Is anything on your mind?“ Luke asked as he got into my room and hugged me as we laid beneath the sheets.

“I’m good.”

“You are not saying much, you know. It's quite unlike you.”

Still laying, I turned my back to him and got his hands off me.

“You know if anything is bothering you, you can always tell me.”

I kept mute. Man, I just wanted him to let me be. I needed some me time right now.

He kissed my ears and slowly brought his lips to my neck as though he had all the time in the world. I felt his erect c*ck poke my buttocks through his trousers. Gently, his hands made their way to my thighs and I knew too well just where they were going.

“Stop,” I let out.

I turned to face him, but the shock on his face was stunning, to say the least.

“Is anything the problem?” Luke asked.

“No. But I'm not really my best self today, as you might have picked up by now.”

“Maybe I should let you be alone,” he said, his voice very low and calm.

“Luke, that will be amazing. Just what I need now.”

“I will be going now.“

He laid a kiss on my forehead and left the apartment moments later.

That was Luke. Very considerate and respectful. Now if only he knew I needed some alone time so I could think about Niklas Dalima. If that was even his name.

Man, I was a total mess.