The Guy With The Diary

Chapter 9

BELLA

“Enough is enough,” I yelled, drawing the attention of a neighbour whose heart seemed to have left her chest for a moment.

I couldn't blame her. It wasn't every day one got to see someone yell at themselves like an absolute nutter.

On the real, this was getting out of hand. It was beginning to ruin my study at CustoDia— and this wasn't me overreacting. This was so bloody annoying. Why did I feel that way around him every time?

I mopped my wet cheeks with the sleeve of my blouse. Sniffling and trembling, I picked up my phone and dialled Maggy. It was time I told someone, and who better than Maggy?

Before I could call Maggy, Jason rang me up.

“How did it go, Bella?”

“It went fine… no issue at all.”

Sounding quite happy, Jason said, “So he's attending the next meeting?”

“Ugh, I guess… probably, I mean, I don't know.”

Jason got off the phone a while later and Maggy walked in with a stack of books in her hands.

“You seem to have put on some weight,” said Maggy, slumping down beside me, her books still in her grip.

“Man, I have got so much sh*t to do. I don't even know where to start.”

She went on to tell me some other stuff and I couldn't pay any attention. I was thinking— when I say thinking, I mean straight up hurting my damn brain. I didn't know what to do at this point. It was becoming clearer by the moment that I liked Niklas. I liked him so freaking much that it was ridiculous to even think about.

Yes, I adored Luke, but I felt something else for Niklas. Something different. Something more. It was as though my life had become a silly rom-com. This stuff only happens in the movies. I have loved Luke my whole life— and I still loved him. But right now, I needed to get my feelings in order.

“So what do you think about Phil kissing me again?”

Jerking my head back as my hands clutched the base of my neck, I yelled, “Y’all kissed again?”

Rolling her eyes at me, Maggy muttered, “Yeah, I've been explaining the whole thing for the past ten minutes or so.“

Damn. Hadn't heard a thing. See? This Niklas of a dude was literally a problem.

“You kissed again?”

“Sadly, we did.”

“Sadly?”

“You think I want to date Phil? Who would want to date that guy?“

“But you keep kissing him.”

“Bella!”

“Just saying.”

Maggy inhaled deeply, dipping both of her hands between her thighs. “It’s really complicated. At least, more than it should.”

I drew closer to her. “You know you can get off the act now. It's becoming clearer and clearer that you like this dude.”

She didn't say anything, but I knew she agreed with me.

“And I think he likes me, too.”

“You sure about that, Maggy? A few days ago he was just a cunt.”

She stared at her hands for a while and then threw them in the air. “Girl, I don't know and don't want to take it seriously, you know.”

“If you say so,” I said. “It's never wise to rush into anything.”

“Not like you know anything about relationships.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Duh. I'm literally in one.”

“You were just lucky to find someone like Luke. I mean, you were both incredibly lucky to find each other.”

Noticing I was already beaming with a smile, I said, “No lies told.” I patted her on the shoulder. “But until you stay with a guy for more than five years, I will keep giving you advice.”

The phone rang and it was Mom calling.

Mom spoke with excitement, barely allowing me to say anything at all. “I have everything planned out already. From hiking to seeing movies.”

The semester was just days from being over and I would go home. As expected, she had loads of stuff for us to do.

“Mom, it's not even going to be four weeks,” I informed her, chuckling as I spoke. “Don't tell me you're bored already.”

“Bored? Oh, sweetie, that's not the case.”

She went on to tell me how she had joined another book club. Now, this was surprising because I never knew people could be part of more than one book club. Also, she said Agatha and Melissa, her friends, have recently been taking her to a church. She had joined yet another group there.

“Mom, I got to go,” I said as I saw Luke walk in.

“You look different,” Maggy said to Luke, staring at the new way he styled his hair. “Preferred it the other way.”

“Bella doesn't think so,” Luke said, sitting beside me.

Maggy got a call and told me she had to leave to see ‘him’.

“Have a very good time with him,” I let out, flashing a smile at her. “God knows what might happen this time.”

Maggy shook her head, seemingly unable to stop herself from grinning. “You know you're crazy, right? We are not even that serious. In fact we aren't a ‘we’.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Luke inquired, shifting his stare from Maggy to me. “Tell me. I like me a good story.”

Pulling him closer, I said, “Nah, this one is just for the girls.”

Smiling, Maggy left. I wasn't sure I wanted her to be with Phil, but it wasn't for me to decide. Maggy hadn't been as lucky as I was with boys, so I hoped she wouldn't meet someone who would hurt her.

“I like this hoodie,” I let out, fixing my gaze on him. “It looks perfect on you.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Yeah, it looks really good.”

Pulling the hoodie off and moving closer to me on the sofa. “You can have it.”

“Thanks, but I wasn't asking for it.”

He pulled off the shirt he had underneath. “And this too.”

“What's up with you?” I asked, cackling at how slow and serious he was at doing everything.

It was when he pulled his trousers and underpants off, that I caught up with what was going on.

Carrying me into my room while I was fully clothed and he had nothing on, I held on to his member downstairs. Though I found it quite unlike Lucas, as he usually started with kissing and oral before getting into the business. Well, he skipped it all today as he got into me as soon as my body hit the bed.

Pinning my shoulders to the bed, he pounded into me. I always loved how he would grip my waist as he pushed into me.

And then it happened.

You know one would think someone who was being intimate with the love of her life wouldn't be able to think about anyone. Well, that clearly wasn’t the case here. What made it worse was that I wasn't thinking about the guy who was driving into me, breathing shakily like a grandpa having a cardiac arrest.

No, I wasn't thinking about Luke. My mind quickly went to the very first moment I laid my eyes on Niklas. It was funny how my brain had drawn a vivid image of that moment. It was as though I had a painting of him reclining on that pool chair, his diary lying on his lap as he wrote into it.

I don't think I have remembered anything as clear as this. I didn't know whether to find that impressive or scary.

Breathing raggedly, he pulled out and fell on the bed, lying beside me. I turned so I was facing the room ceiling just like he was.

Luke's hands found mine. “You are amazing. You are always amazing.”

I turned, smiled at him and continued staring at the ceiling.

“Bella, can I ask you something?”

Nodding my head though I knew he wasn't looking at me. “Sure. Anything.”

“You know, you were acting weird a while ago. It got me a little bothered. Okay, maybe a little more than a little bothered.”

I squeezed his right hand which was still in mine. “I didn't know you were worried about me. I told you that you never have to worry about me.”

“And I remember telling you that it isn't possible. I love you, Bella. I figured that you were still thinking about your father.”

Oh, sweet, sweet Luke. If only he knew that I have been thinking about one guy who couldn't care less about me.

Wiping my very dry eyes— for no reason, I said, “I can't stop thinking about him. I know it's been a year already, but it still hurts.”

“Bella, I understand. And I want you to know that you don't have to beat yourself over it because it has been a year. A year is too small of a time to forget your father. Hell, you will never forget him, but you have to move on.”

Luke went on to tell me how strong I was. I just kept mute as he talked, telling me that my father would want me to get over him so I could get on with my own life.

Now he was making me feel guilty because I had lied to him. But it was a necessary lie. A very necessary one at that. It wasn't like I could tell him that there was this smoking hot, pale-skinned guy that I couldn't get out of my head.

“I want you to remember it,” Luke stated, coming over me and sitting on my crotch though his knees still supported his body. “I want you to remember that, come what may, I will always love you and be by your side. That is, as long as you want me.”

As long as you want me? Jeez! Those words brought tears to my eyes. Tears of guilt. I haven't cheated on him, but I have never felt so underserving of his love. He was here doing more than he should. Being here for me always. And what was I doing? Thinking about some dude who didn't give a flying f*ck about me.

“Why are you crying?” Luke inquired, his eyes wide open. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, you didn't say anything wrong. It just hit me, you know, how lucky I am to have you.”

“You are so dramatic,” Luke voiced, pulling my cheeks to cheer me up. “Well, I know for a fact that I'm the lucky one.”

Digging my hands into the hair behind his hair, I pulled him into a kiss. While locking lips with him, I made a promise to myself— yet again— that I would never forget how much Luke meant to me. Never!