The depths of lexica's love

I awoke to the sun streaming through the curtains warming my face. Tossing the blankets off I let out a grown. It was the week before I started my first day of grade nine, this should be an exciting time for me but I am not like most other kids, I do not have a loving mother and father to support me though this transition in my life. I am an only child of an alcoholic mother who has been in and out of my life for as long as i can remember, I don't know where my life would be if I didn't have my grandparents. shuddering at that thought I get up and make my way to the bathroom. You should know I have asked my mother on several occasions who my father is always prying she would tell me and always getting the same response ( i don't know who your dad is). err.. it's so frustrating hearing them words time after time. I am sure there is a reason why she wont tell me the truth. I just cant help thinking that finding my father will change the way I am living my life now, that I will be instantly welcomed and loved. I brush my teeth going through my same routine reminding myself that I am strong. I take another look at myself in the mirror and square my shoulders time to start my day. I walk throughout the house checking the rooms to see if mom was passed out in any of them, I have been caring for my mother and picking her up off the floor for years. She's never had a man long enough for me to share the burden of caring for her. Once all the rooms were checked i sighed knowing that she didn't make it home. I always worry not knowing where she is or if she is safe. I decided to call gram and see if mom was at her house before i started my chores. Grabbing the cordless phone and heading down stairs I dialled grams number and walked to the living room flicking on the 65 inch tv for some back ground noise. I don't like how quiet it is in the house. Dropping down on to the sectional I toss my feet up on the coffee table and stare blankly at the tv screen with the phone to my ear. I hear the soft voice of gram come thought the other end of the phone. "Hello" "Hey gram, how's your day going", I asked while flicking through the Chanel's on the tv "Lexica is that you?" "Ya gram its me," "how is your day going?" I ask again "My day is good," she spoke softly. "let me guess your calling cause she didn't come home again and your hoping she is here?" gram questioned me. I sighed in to the receiver "you would be correct gram," please tell me she is there. I sat silently praying in my mind that she was there and safe. "I am sorry dear," she didn't end up here last night, i really wish you wouldent worry about her so much your the child not the mother. I could here the disapoint ment in her voice and had to remind my self to breath if I contuined the train of thought i was going I would be a weeping mess on the phone. "Lexcia are you still there?" "yes," sorry gram was just thinking. I replied a little distracted. I tossed the tv remote on to the couch and gave her my full attention. "Papa said to tell you he is coming into town today to pick you up around two o'clock we have something we would like to discuss with you." "ok,". "I will make sure i am ready, love you gram." I hit the end button on the phone and tossed it on the couch, I went to the kitchen to make some toast I needed something in my belly I could hear it growling. Once I finished my toast and cleaned up the kitchen I went up stairs and gathered all my laundry tossing it in the hamper. I took my clothes down to the basement to start my laundry. With laundry started I sat in the recliner in the cold dingy basement. I grabbed my favourite book (TWILIGHT) out of the side pocket of the chair to read while waiting for my laundry. I quickly got into my book, falling into the comfort of my own imagination. The washer beeped interrupting my reading, reluctantly I got up from the chair and switched the clothes from the washer to the dryer then went back to my reading. The dryer buzzed when it was finished causing me to grown, I didn't want to put down my book. A few more pages won't hurt I told myself as I snuggled back in the the recliner. I reach the next chapter in my book and dog ear the page so I can pick up where I left off next time and slid the book back into the side pocket. After folding my clothes I trudged back up the stairs with my laundry basket in hand I checked the clock to see what time it was. s**t, papa will be here in five minutes I cursed my self for starting laundry when I knew I should of left it for another day. I tossed the basket on the sectional in the livngroom sprinted up the next flight of stairs to check myself over in the bathroom mirror. My curly hair was a little wild today I didn't have time to straighten it. Digging through the vanity drawer I found a hair tie and pulled my wavey curles up into a flip bun at the top of my head. I dashed to my room which was right next to the bathroom and grabbed a pair of joggers and a hoodie. Struggling to get my foot in the pant leg I grumbled to myself as I hoped on one foot. As soon as I was dressed I grabbed my purse and went down stairs ensuring the back door was locked before I went out front to wait for papa. It wasn't long before I heard the rumble of his envoy pulling around the corner I went to the road so he didn't have to pull in the drive. I pulled open the door reached up for the grab bar and lifted my ass in, his envoy has a three inch lift kit in it which makes my five foot three ass have to jump in. "hey papa," I said turning to look at his smiling face once I was seated in the truck. "hey Hun," ready to go see gram he said as he put the envoy in drive. It was a quiet comfortable ride out to their farm, I sat listening to the music come through the small speakers, the farm came into view I looked over at papa with a big smile spreading across my face. He knew what I was going to say before I even had the chance to open my mouth. "yes," "gram has made your favorite chicken and dumplings you know she won't let you starve." he said with a chuckle as he went back to paying attention to the road. my mouth began to water and my stomach growled, I loved grams cooking. We used to spend hours in the kitchen cooking and baking when I was younger. I learned all my kitchen skills from gram. It's been a few weeks since I last seen my gram, excitement rose in me as we made our way down the lane. As soon as the envoy was in park I was hoping out the truck and sprinting up the stairs just in time for gram to swing the door open I launched my self into her waiting arms. There's our Eagle eyes she cooed hugging me tight and kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes loving her embrace remembering back to the time I got the special nickname. Eagle eyes is the nick name my papa gave to me when I was eight. It was a summer evening and we were out side in the far Feild where papa has his shooting range on the farm he was teaching me how to take apart and gun and clean it. when he cursed I remember looking up at him, he was mad because he had dropped the tiny screw he needed to put the gun back together. I watched him get more and more frustrated as he crawled around in the grass trying to find it. Gram walked over and placed her hand on his shoulder stoping his cussing. she told him she would go up to the house and get his tool kit not to worry it was just a screw, as she walked back to the house he went back to teaching me. I was trying very hard to pay attention but there was something in the grass that kept calling for my attention. "Lexica," are you paying attention to papa he questioned noticing I was distracted, "you," can't learn how to shoot if you don't know how your gun works both inside and out he lectured me. Finally I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't focus on papa with the thing in the grass calling my attention. I bent over and picked the twinkling thing up out the grass. "Papa" look I squealed holding the small object in my tiny palm. "well I'll be god damned, he cursed just as gram came back to the table with his kit. "what is the matter now?" she said placing the kit down. "look what Eagle eyes found," he said holding up my palm with the tiny screw resting in the middle of it. From that day forward anytime something was lost they called Eagle eyes to find it. I have grown to love this nick name it's the one thing I have that makes me feel important. "Are you guys going to hold up the door frame or can I get in and get some grub," papa joked trying to squeeze by us to get to the kitchen. Bringing me back to the present, I untangled my self from grams embrace, and followed them to the kitchen gram made us each a plate of dumplings then called the farm hands to let them know lunch was ready. Gram always made enough to feed an army, once everyone was in and seated at the table we said our prayer and began to eat. Most of the farm hands I knew as they have worked for our family for years but today there was a new face sitting with us. "Hi," I am Lexica I said to the new face just as he finished putting a fork full of food in his mouth. " who are you?" I watched him cough and try to clear his mouth. "Lexica" Papa chastised me for not using my manners and asking him who the new guy seated at our table was. "sorry," bitting my lip I lower my head to stare at my plate. After everyone was done eating and the table was cleared papa looked in my direction. "Lexica," it is not polite to interrupt someone while they are eating especially when they have worked hard all day. I slumped down in my chair feeling bad for not living up to Papa's expectations. "Now with that out of the way, this young man here he point to the new face across the table from me, is Lucas "Lucas tends to the horses and the barn." "nice to meet you miss lexica" he said extending his had across the table. "hi" I said sitting up appropriately in my chair giving him a smile and extending my hand to his. I noticed the instant our hands connected his were very soft to soft in fact, farm men usually have rough calused hands. I quickly realized I was holding his hand longer then nesasary and let go quickly folding my hands back into my lap. Gram got the guys all set up with their next tasks to be completed for the week and sent the guys back to work with one of her freshly baked banana muffins in hand. Lucas stopped at the front door and turned around. "thank you for the great meal Mrs Cecilia" he said nodding his head then heading out to settle the horses in for the night. gram and I cleaned up the dishes while papa sat at the table with his coffee and crossword puzzle book. "Come sit down so we can talk" gram ushered me towards the table. I sat at the table with my hands folded in my lap I was a little nervous, the last time we had a talk they made me come live on the farm with them, my mom had taken off and I was to young to stay on my own. I watched as papa pulled a small envelop from his jacket that was hanging over his chair, he slid it across the table. "what is this I question looking at the envelope". "it's a gift for you" states gram. I open the envelope to find a card as I lift it out a key thunks down on the table. I look up at papa with anger in my face. " before you go all crazy on us again about how your old enough to be on your own, how about you have a look in the card." I took in a few deep breaths and opened the card, my mouth dropped open. Tucked inside the card was a visa card with my name on it. "oh gram, papa," there is no way I can accept this I said looking back and forth between the two of them. placing the visa back in the card and sliding it back to papa. "Now, you listen to me Lexica Marie," gram said firmly placing her hand on top of mine. "Your grandfather and I know that you don't want to live with us and that you want to make your own way in this world. We have no trouble giving you that independence. although we would prefer that you stay with us so that we can ensure you are well cared for, she pleaded. "I am very grateful for everything you've taught me gram," I said sighing. I am starting highschool next week and I like the fact that it's only a few blocks from home so I will be able to walk there and back I won't have to take a long bus ride causing me to get up early evey morning, you know how much I hate to get up early. papa interrupted our bickering, "Lexica that is why we are giving you the card and the key." I sat looking at him confused. "you are starting school next week, " he asked. "Do you have any new school clothes?." "Do you have any lunch money?." "Do you have a back pack and school supplies?." he fired his questions at me as I just stared back at him. "no" I replied in a small voice. I watched as he got up from his chair and Walked over to mine he got down on his knees beside my chair. I turned so that I could look him in the face. " please don't make me move all the way out here I begged". I watched the smile spread across his face "Lexcia that card is not to encourage you to move in with us again." "that card is to make sure you have everything you need because that sorry excuse of a mother you ha e is not doing her job." I stared at him wide eyed. "Because your mother is on welfare the rent to the house is paid directly," "I don't know how all the other bills are being paid but I can bet there is no food in that house for you." "so tonight you will be staying here" "tomorrow I will take you and your grandmother over to the neighbouring town and you will use that card to buy whatever you need for school and the house." "I will also stop at a bank tomorrow and get you money so you will be able to eat lunch for the week." "And I don't want to hear a word about it you will do as you are told due you understand me my child?" the tears began to flow down my face as I nodded my head in accordance with his orders. he stood up pulling me from my chair into a hug which gram was not long joining in on. After the long hug broke up I had decided that I would stay the rest of the week with my grandparents, screw mom I was going to enjoy this week before I went school it would make gram so happy anyway she loves having the chance to teach me things. "Gram would you be ok if I stay here for the week?" I seen the twinkling in her eyes oh no I may regret this I mentally face palmed myself. "of course you can dear, we can go shopping then come back and you can model everything for me and papa." "oh hell to the no you don't woman you keep me out of this papa exclaimed," "I am doing my job by making sure she is cared for you are not roping me into no dress up again." "you had me looking like a drag queen the last time, I was silly enough once to listen to you telling me all I had to do was watch the show." He started to chuckle and "look where that got me." I watched gram fight back her laughter "oh come on Hun" she said stepping towards him. Papa raised his hand to his ears "oh I think I hear the guys calling me better go check on them" as he dashed out the back door. Gram walked over and took me by the shoulders let's go check out your old room see if any of the clothes in their still fit you and get the bed ready. I followed her up the stairs to the last bedroom on the right. Walking into the room I noticed nothing had changed, gram left everything the way I had it when I moved back into mom's house. The books were still lined across the top of the dresser, the chair still placed by the window for proper reading light. The only difference was the single size bed was gone and replaced with a king size four poster bed. "OMG gram" I squealed as I walked up to the bed running my hand over the smooth wood. "I take it you like it then" gram said leaning again the dresser. " like it I love it" I gushed. " I will be sure to let Lucas know you appreciate his handy work" she said heading towards the closest and pulling the doors open. I traced the wood with my finger then joined gram at the closet. Looking at the clothing in the closet we discovered there was no way my curves were fitting into any of these clothes. "well I guess I better get a box so we can donate all of this stuff when we go in town tomorrow" "sounds good to me gram, I guess I will need to borrow one of your out fits for tomorrow and some pjs for tonight." "Papa may kill me if I try to wear this I say holding up a skirt that will just cover my bum cheeks." "Your right" Gram giggled " he would be following you with his shot gun slung over his shoulder ready to shoot anyone that looked in your direction" gram said as she left the room to go get a box. Twenty minutes later the clothes were packed and the new bed was made, I followed gram back downstairs I got her settled into her chair in the livingroom with her crochet and a warm cup of tea. I kissed her on the top of the head. "gram I am going to see if papa needs any help with anything" " sure thing dear tell him not to be out there to late she replied" not looking up from what she was doing. I head out to the barn, the sun is going down so I know it's to late for papa to be out at the shooting range. I walk in to the open barn doors, "Papa" I call with no response back. I hear a horse moving in the back pen and decide to go see what's going on. I flick on the low lights as to not hurt the horses eyes and walk back to the stall. the brown and white head to my favorite horse who I named whisper dips down over the gate. "hey girl" " I've missed you" I say while stroking her nose and resting my head against hers. "have you seen papa out her anywhere I ask her while she nudges her head at me. "I hope you know horses don't talk" I hear the deep voice behind me. "holy crap" I scram straightening up my hand flying to my heart. Whisper snorts her displeasure starting to kick the side of the stall as my fear picks up. Just then a hand claps down over my mouth and wraps around my waist I am pulled a few steps away from whispers stall, I hear a deep voice in my ear. " Clam down miss Lexica its me Lucas" I could feel his warm breath tickling my ear as his words calmed me a little. " Sorry your fear was working her up I didn't want to see you get hurt" he speaks causing warmth to spread down the side of my face. I got my heart rate to slow down and reached up tapping my finger on his hand. "oh ya personal space" he says a little louder he lets me go moving back quickly. I am to afraid to speak thinking the fear I was just in would make my voice all squeeky, I looked at him over my shoulder not moving my body. He stood leaning against the wood of the stall behind him hands tucked into his front pockets and face studying the ground. When I was confident I could move and speak properly I walked back over to whisper and clamed her back down brushing the side of her neck and telling her what a good girl she was. With my heart now at a normal speed I turned and walked the few steps over where Lucas was leaning. " we need to talk now I spit" grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him away from my now calm horse. we reached the open barn doors and I spun around facing him forgetting I was still holding his shirt causing me to bump into his hard chest, while my hand was pined between us I looked up into his face. hitching my breath I dropped my grip on his shirt and stepped back. " I'm sorry Lucas, Please don't tell papa how I treated you. I sometimes forget that I can't just make people do what I want." I watched his face waiting for that expression of confused anger to relax. He took a step towards me. "How old are you?" " What?" I asked tilting my head to the side. "Don't give me that innocent little girl act" he growled taking another step towards me closing what little space was between us. Gasping I take a step back, "I am sixteen" I say placing my hands on my hips. I watch his eyes widen for a split second then they fill with anger. " you should not be out here alone at night it's not safe" he scolded me. " you have no right to talk to me like that, I don't need another father figure in my life" I glare at him. pulling my shoulders back I took out all my built up anger on the handsome man in front of me. " you think because your older then me you know better, well let me tell you sir I have been through a lot of stuff and I have lived on this farm for many years, I am perfectly safe out here at anytime of night. Whisper is my best friend she would never hurt me. "you on the other hand I will have no problem hurting if you touch me again. My papa taught me how to use a gun and I know where he keeps them". By the time I was done my rant my chest was heaving up and down and my body was shaking. "your sixteen" I heard him whisper as he spun on his heels away from me. " where do you think you are going, I am not done talking to you yet.