BROKEN BUT BEAUTIFUL

December, 2nd 2009. hmm...how can I ever forget that date. After 39 weeks of pregnancy and almost 24 hours of labor induction , this tiny baby of 2.9kg was handed over to me in swaddling clothes at exactly 9:29pm. Boy! Was I overjoyed, my only thought was the many plans for this child, how I was so going to give him a better life than I ever had, teach him how to treat women and i was determined to making sure he was anything in this world he set his mind to. I am sure many first time mothers can relate. As I held my new born son in my arms, I remembered our late night conversations when he was still confined within me, how I would scold him when he kicked me hard or report his daddy to him when he would make me sad. The emotions just washed over me so much so that I didn't notice something was wrong with the child. I didn't notice that he was bald and his facial features weren't what most people would label 'cute' for a newborn. I was too overwhelmed with this fairytale process that I could actually bring a life into this world ...IT WAS MAGICAL. When we were done in the theater, the nurses led us back to the general ward. As we got in , other mothers came to greet us but I observed they were looking at the baby oddly but I shrugged it off and attributed it to the fact that maybe it was because he was bald and I was certain the hairs would grow after all he was like what ....thirty minutes old?. Just about then, one woman who had been on bed rest while we were on admission walked into the ward..she already had five children of her own and was pregnant with the sixth and that was why she was in the hospital. She was very happy to see us and made straight to carry the baby, as soon as she lifted the baby, she screamed; 'my dear, this child is not well, can't you feel his temperature'? Pulling my hand to the baby's forehead. At the time , I didn't know the difference between normal or hot, so I just looked at her askance like 'how aunty'. She dragged me towards the nurses station and hurriedly placed the baby in one of the nurse's arms , yelling ...'please nurses check this baby, he's not well!!'. The surprised nurse took the baby and started checking for pulse, temperature everything imaginable. Lo and behold after everything, they didn't find anything wrong but the child was still very hootttt! They called in the paediatrician , he did all he could that night also and when they couldn't find anything.... They resolved to placing him on antibiotics and observation. Hmm....Imagine a child of barely one hour and he had already started his life with antibiotics. It was agonizing to watch as a mother. Did I tell you that I couldn't lactate the whole time, so he was given just water to sustain him. At that point , I was exhausted inside out and I could barely even stand because I had lost so much blood during the course of the delivery and the stitches from the internal wounds I had was horrible but nothing in this world was tearing me away from my child. I was determined to stay strong for my child. And that's is how my journey began. Two days later, we were discharged from the hospital with specific instructions to continue with the antibiotics and on ways to manage the baby so he doesn't get infected by bacteria because that would complicated everything. When we got home , the situation got worse, the baby wouldn't stop crying , firstly because he wasn't eating , I couldn't lactate and all the while we were feeding him water; secondly, he was hot but we kept him covered in thick shawls because we couldn't expose him to the dangers of too much breeze seeping into his under developed lungs. Haaa.. it was one of those days in my life I just wanna wipe out completely like it never happened, it was sheer torture! The crying got so bad that the neighbours suggested we took him back to the hospital. Precisely two days after we were discharged from the hospital, we took him back, the paediatrician on duty was alarmed by the fact that the baby hadn't eaten in four days, so she hurriedly recommended baby formula and as soon as the child was fed , he slept. I think that was the first time he actually slept since he was born. But that wasn't my concern, I complained about the incessant heat he was emitting because it worried and scared me at the same time but the doctor assured me that when he finished the antibiotics he'd be okay, so we were discharged again. We got back home in time for his christening and named him (Shawn Inemesit Emem Effiong Charles Udoh). Two months passed and his health improved slightly but the doctors still placed him on antibiotics. I don't know why but I am assuming it was pretty convenient since nobody really knew the cause of the ailment, they just thought it was an unknown bacteria and constantly administering antibiotics would take care of it in time. I even lost count of the bottles of antibiotics we bought but seriously, we could have started a pharmacy just selling antibiotics and made a small fortune from it if we wanted to #LOL. The drugs drained us financially and otherwise because he finished a bottle which cost about 2500 at the time every three days. But that wasn't my worry, my concern was to see my child alive and normal, I won't lie though , the situation drained us emotionally and otherwise and we were barely hanging on the thread, even his doctors felt the stretch too because they couldn't put a name to what was really wrong with him , I could see the worried looks on their faces everytime we had an appointment. But Shawn was an extraordinary child, he was determined to live by all means and he was stronger than any child his age I have ever encountered in my life. I vividly recalled one episode when he was just about three months old, he was wailing and it was really loud so much so that I became confused; I had done everything I could and so I dropped him on the sofa and started crying too , I just didn't know what else to do with him anymore...this boy lifted my hand and placed it on his head, just to show me he was hot and needed me to dab him with a wet cloth.....THREE MONTHS!!. God, I will never forget. That was how determined he was to live and that is the kind of bond we share till date, we don't need too much words between us we just understand each other. And just when I was adjusting to the situation, trying to get a hang on what I was up against, the four months maternity leave was over and it was time to resume work and that was when the real nightmare began. BROKEN BUT BEAUTIFUL.(part 3) ************************************* I started hunting for daycare centres in my area where I could keep Shawn till I got back from work but as unbelievable as it may sound , nobody would take him. Even though I went as far as opting to pay more just to entice them to take him for the duration I was away, after one glance at the baby all I would hear is ' madam, we are sorry we can't keep him, please check somewhere else.' Luckily for me, one of my neighbors who accidentally met me at one of the daycare centres and saw my frustration decided to watch him for a fee of course (God bless your kind heart mummy Oge) I don't know what I would have done without you in those early days. Work started but I could hardly concentrate in the office. I would go to work with my heart in my mouth everyday, calling almost every other minute to make sure he was okay. God! The anxiety. One day I was in the middle of a meeting when my phone started ringing , I checked and it was mummy Oge, I rushed outside and something kept telling me something was wrong. I was scared shitless. 'Hello mummy Oge good afternoon, sorry I nor see your calls before I bin dey meeting' ... I said in a shaky voice, she was quiet for a while the next thing she said was 'mummy Shawn abeg dey come' and the line went dead. A mother's worst nightmare. I died a million times over , I tried calling her back and she wasn't picking. I don't know how I got from Ikoyi where my office is to Surulere that day, all I remembered was that I told my immediate boss something was wrong with my child but the rest is hazy. As soon as I got to mummy Oge's apartment , I met a small crowd in the sitting room but I couldn't find my baby so I started screaming. They held me down and told me he was okay but that he only convulsed but was resuscitated and was sleeping at the moment. Hmm...that was the start of the convulsions. I started asking questions , looking for anyone who knew anyone who had seen anything like this before, nobody had. I started reading up on every childhood ailments/conditions but none of it fit the description of what was happening to my child and the doctors still had no name for the ailment. In my desperation, I was introduced to a local herbs seller (alagbo) for children, she gave me some roots to cook for him that it would help with the seizures and heat , I did but Shawn vomited everything, haaa! comman see crying, I think I started crying at a flip of a hat after the birth of that boy. #LOL. And then, everyone around started urging me to get pregnant again , maybe the siblings rivalry would make him well. I prevailed on my husband and after much persuasion, he agreed for me to get pregnant again. Shawn was just six months old.