Deepest Desire

I SIT here alone, alone and broken. I read the letter repeatedly; each line thoroughly even though I have read it more than ten times since this afternoon. I want to stop but I can't. I want to tear this paper into shreds but I cannot bring myself to do this. This feeling that I never wished to experience; this feeling, this pain that I only thought was only be seen in fiction and is overdramatic but here I am all broken and being more dramatic than the film actors. I want to scream but I can't. I want to cry but I can't. My bloodshot eyes have given up already and it no longer can withstand it. My throat is sore from all those screaming and arguing with my parents. My body is numb from sitting on this cold concrete floor; I don't even know for how long I have been sitting here holding her letter. My left cheek is still aching from the slap my mother gave me this morning. Do I deserve this? Is it so wrong to be in love? Love. It is just a four-letter word, right? It is just a word. Only a word. If only it was true. If only this word did not hold so many emotions, if only it was just a word, if only. My heart is shattered in pieces, just like the broken pieces of glass lie around the room. The more I pretend to be strong the more it hurts; it hurts like hell. The hollowness inside my chest makes me feel nothing now; it is as if my soul is been taken away with her, far far away. She is gone now and I do not even know where because I am not allowed to know. It all started six months ago... no, no, a years ago when this sassy yet cute girl jumped into my life, crept inside my heart, and became everything of mine. By the time I can know, it was too late, too late to stop myself from falling from her.