Only You

The party was already in full swing when I got changed out of my long-draped wedding dress. The two women that accompanied me were as quiet as a mouse. And if it weren’t for the clicking of their heels, I wouldn’t remember they were here with me. “Thanks, I can manage from here,” I try to sound as polite as I can to the hotel staff just as they open the doors for me. I don't want to ruin anyone's mood. “Enjoy,” they chimed with bright smiles as I take a step forward, “Congratulations on your wedding, have fun!” they added and closed the door behind me. Taking a deep breath, I make my way into the noisy, loud, and festive ballroom. A few guests greeted me as I walked by and also gave their congratulations and everlasting wish of happiness. Happiness huh... Now that's something that I don't see in my wedding life. At least, not in the way I wanted to be happy in a marriage. “There she is! The beautiful bride!” my dad and father-in-law chirped when I came into their line of sight. Putting on my best fake happy smile for them, I strode over. “Hi dads, sorry I took too long,” and gave them both a kiss on their cheeks. My dad held me by my shoulders, a proud look on his aging face, but I could not say anything as I smile in return. “Oh its fine, Rowan was patient, weren’t you son?” and I took a glance at the man behind my father-in-law. Rowan, my now legal husband stood with our moms with a smile. But I knew better, although he was smiling like me, he too was hiding the fact that he didn’t want this. He never did. He had made it clear the night before. I watch as he kissed both moms on the cheek and makes his way to me, “Let’s get the party started I guess,” he mumbles as he takes my hand and we cut the cake, gaining cheers from our guests. The reception proceeded as planned, small speeches were given out by our parents and close friends. But still, I did not feel like smiling. It was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life, yet it already felt like hell. I never wanted to have a wedding like this. A few of my students performed for me and even that couldn't make me smile genuinely. I felt bad for them. They worked so hard to impress me on my big day. They were so excited when they met Rowan back then, who introduced himself as my future husband. We mingled, entertained, and converse with the guests, acting like any normal newlywed couple. It went on for an hour or so till I told him I was tired. He left me by our table and left to talk with his colleagues or friends, I don't know. Sipping on the wine they provided as I look at the smiling faces of our guests, I wish for the reception to end right now. I just want to sleep. I don't want to be here. “Worn out already?” a deep voice resonated behind me, making my heartbeat increase and palms sweaty in an instant. That voice. “Ryan,” I breathed out when he sat next to me, a small boyish smile playing on his handsome face. His deep grey orbs penetrated through me, as if he could look right through me. “You look beautiful angel, my brother is a lucky man,” I didn’t want to imagine it but I wanted to believe he was sad with the words he uttered. Yet his tone was indifferent. “It could’ve been you,” I whispered out, hoping he’d hear but instead he got up suddenly and gave me his hand, “Would you mind giving me a dance? You danced with your dad and mine, how about with the groom’s brother next?” I hesitated, looking around, everyone was happy and smiling. No one knew of the turmoil I had inside. As I let my eyes roam, I saw my parents dancing happily on the dance floor next to his. Then I met eyes with Rowan for a moment and he gestured for his brother’s hand for me to take. Why? Why are you like this? “I haven’t even danced with Rowan,” I pivot, biting my lips and he smiled. “I know, so let me dance with you until he comes and takes his rightful place with you,” his tone a slight regret yet his eyes never stray away from my face, an emotion I'm foreign to. “Okay…” I sighed and gave in. We walked to the dance floor and smiled at our cheerful parents dancing but as we do, I could not get myself to smile as bright. “Smile Sofea, this is your wedding day. You have to smile beautiful,” he leans closer but not to the point where it would look scandalous, his eyes watching me as he always had when we were together. I tsked at his simple words, “Smile? How can I smile when I married the wrong brother?” his eyes held a flash of regret before they close and open, the emotions in them gone. Despite what I saw, he grins like a kid, “You married the good brother, I am wrong for you. From the start, I am wrong,” but I didn’t want to hear that, I’ve had enough to last me a decade. “Sure, as if saying I met the wrong one from the start,” I look forward and kept my face neutral. Seeing him so close after him being distant for a few months, before today, was hard. His hold on me was firm, tight, and protective, as he always had. But I know now it doesn’t mean anything to him anymore, at least I don’t mean anything to him anymore. I guess I never did. “Smile, I love your smile, don’t stop smiling, please,” his hand pulled my face up. For a moment there, I wish that this reception wasn’t for me and Rowan. But was for us instead, me and Ryan. And he was the one dressed in the three-piece classic black tux, not in a grey shirt and black pants. “Can I have my wife back? I realized I haven’t danced with her,” a deep but slightly huskier voice greets our small stare and I tore my eyes away. Ryan let me go and I stood there as they talked, “Of course brother, congratulations again,” they exchanged a few more words and I wanted nothing but to cry at the moment. I felt like an i***t. “Sofea?” Rowan gently pulls my chin to face him and I offered him a sad smile. “Let’s dance and end this reception, I’m tired,” with a soft nod, he sways me around the dance floor. The music shifted to a slow, sensual, and romantic song. Rowan pulled me closer and made me rest my head on his shoulder. “I know you and I don’t want this, but don’t let our parents see your tears. You can cry once we get home,” he kissed the top of my head and I just replied in the form of hugging him closer. “I’m sorry Rowan, I'm so sorry,” were the only words I could utter but he shushed me instead.