There are Two Gods in Heaven

"If they seem aggressive, beat them up first, if they are armed, destroy them." That's what he told me before the mission started but even though I wanted to, I couldn't follow his orders. Running away from that place as fast as possible, I turn left and right irrationally through the empty alleys and the dark streets, although there is nothing behind. Of course, they didn't need me at all, they were there for him. "Now I've f*****g done it!" I sigh facing upward. Shining brightly in the sky, the white crescent reveals a high wall, the dead end of my run. Slowing down, panting, I lay my back to it and let myself fall on my butt. What I thought were raindrops that curved down a coil of my hair was actually my own sweat. Opening a button of my shirt to let the cold night's air cool down my body, and exhaustion mixed with a bit of irony turn my panting into small laughter. "I messed up so hard it's actually hilarious," I contemplate. Remembering the events, I don't think anyone could have fought and survive anyway. But even I knew that dying for that man was more important than saving my own life. Indeed, my first mission as the Prince's bodyguard has ended in immense failure. I DIDN'T PLAN TO PLAY IN GHOST IN THE SHELL! "His Highness the Prince's bodyguard, code name: Darius." "His Highness the Prince's bodyguard, code name: Esmeralda." "His Highness the Prince's bodyguard, code name: Artemis." "Ah, it's my turn? Sorry, the last bodyguard, it is I, code name is Diana." I feel so stupid now that all those serious people's judging glares are on me, but all those ceremonies are beyond me. I couldn't care less about sounding serious and trustful, I'm not here because I want to. That being said, that Prince is way too scary. First of all, he looks like he's a 70-year-old devil with a cane, and that's scary. Nobody would expect a Prince to be an old man, right?? I mean that word has a very young and knightly tone, and when I heard I would be in contact with the actual Prince, I didn't expect him to look like the concierge or something. What's ALSO scary is that he looks like he's about to smite my existence out of this world with his thunderous eyes, and that's very scary. Regarding the three other fellows in that room, they look average. The kind of people you'll find in any book. You have the big muscles. The big brain. And the big boobs. As for me, I'm the big i***t. We are all standing in the luxurious suite of a way too high budget hotel, a fair distance from each other, in front of the old man who seems pretty in shape, but while I am looking for a convincing escape plan from this skyscraper, the Prince actually murmurs something. "Artemis and Diana…", he says. Well, yes, even I noticed this stupid thing. Artemis and Diana are basically the same goddess from Greek and Roman mythologies. Except that looking at her, uh no I'm nothing like this succubus. "Yes...?" she inquires with an obnoxious voice. What? Everybody is looking at her now. I can't believe this imbecile thought the Prince was calling us and not just pointing out the fact we have the same signifying name. Oh no, now I feel very insulted, this black leather i***t is an even bigger i***t than me, and in no world, I will let her and I be associated! I don't know how these guys got recruited, I basically got involved because my sister is indebted to the bone and sold me to this shady-looking high-risk high reward company a few years ago. The kind where you have to sign way too many insurances for it not to seem extremely unsafe. I honestly thought it was some kind of weird fetish brothel with code names and b*****e and at that point, I was ready to accept p**********n, but then they actually formed me into infiltration, hand and armed combat. Some weeks in, I still thought it was a very realistic form of sadomasochism training. And then I followed the indications for my first mission, so here I am teaming up with folks I don't know so we can be the Fantastic 4 for an old man, whom I'm not even sure is a real prince anymore! God, I wish my name was a cool Russian one like Esmeralda, I could play the Black Widow and smash people's necks with my legs and wouldn't that be hot and awesome? Wait, was it Russian? Whatever, now I'm stuck with Diana and I really hope the w***e who owns my alter ego's name will get smite by the almighty old Prince's glare, thank you very much. Unfortunately, that Prince did not kill anyone with his eyes and my hopes for him disappeared in a few seconds. He's so old anyway, and why would he ask for people like us and not some powerful knights trained in a castle or something? It should be mentioned that I never fought with anyone before my training, except that time in middle school when that girl called me a w***e so I tore her hair up so violently that it bled a little. Uh, that was disgusting. She had a big hole on her head since then that she tried to hide with a new haircut but it was so ugly that she shaved it entirely. People actually went from mocking her to being nice because they thought she might have had cancer, and she received presents with "good recovery" on it, not that she hated it. Wait, wait, wait, this geezer has been talking for a few minutes now and I didn't listen at all! I can't believe I got distracted by Chemotherapy, what a ridiculous way to miss on important events! "-so if that's the case, then you may as well leave now." What did he say? Should I ask him to repeat? I'd really like to know the conditions I need to fulfill to be able to leave now!! "Excuse me, your Highness? I did not follow the last minute, please could you say it again?" What the f**k?! It's Boobies again, and damn what a helpless person she is. Not listening at a time like this is so ridiculous, and she dared ask the Prince to repeat. "That's fine, I only said that if you're not ready to die, you may as well leave." "Oh yes, me! Me! I'm not ready to die, sir! May I leave?" ! I knew that getting punched wasn't the best feeling in the world, but did you know that an iron reinforced cane could hurt much more? Ah, I feel like my arm is broken. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. The odd thing is that the girl next to me is hurt as well. But she didn't say anything, did she? Maybe it's the pain but I can't recall which of the two of us said something so stupid as rudely. I hate that old man now, why would he offer us to leave if he hit us in return?! "DARIUS, STOP!" Someone shouts. SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR "If you break it too much, we won't get the information!" What the hell is going on? Why is there so much noise here? Wait who hit me? What I thought was an iron reinforced cane actually was the iron reinforced arms of the very luxurious and expensive hotel's room service robot. This is ridiculous! The mission hasn't even started that I got caught off guard by the modern evolution of a vacuum cleaner. Now that I looked at it, said vacuum cleaner, which is around 1 meter and a half's height, has clearly malicious intentions with its angry red alert eyes, that scream "I vowed to destroy humanity," which makes me shiver even though it is currently being secured by Mr. Darius' big muscles. "It's definitely controlled from a distance. That, or it has been pre-programmed before we came in." adds Miss Esmeralda, as if she has done that her whole life. Well, good for you, smart ass, but for normal people like me we just entered the 'what the hell' zone. And when I woke up this morning, I didn't plan to play in Ghost in the Shell! THIS ROBOT CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT! As my first job in this new agency, I have to escort a Prince as a mission. I'm used to another kind of work, what a pain. But that one pays well and I really need that money. Thinking is not my forte but I'll find a way to do it without messing up. The names I go by are usually more scary sounding, like Vritra or Bashmu, or even the letter Schwa, but today it's Artemis. A goddess of the hunt. Sounds fitting. In this beginning of Fall, I put my leather outfit and my reinforced boots on and take my "bow" with me. I follow the company's instructions and arrive at the top floor of a prestigious hotel. The highest tower in the surroundings. Unfortunately for them, with its mere 60 stairs, it's not the highest tower in the city since that's the Stargazer, twenty kilometers away but twice as long. I've heard many things about this hotel, the Meritocratic, but I had never set foot inside before. That being said, I've set foot in many luxurious hotels for my jobs so I'm not really impressed by this one. I thought the Meritocratic was paid by our agency to close their eyes on all our stuff, but two clerks at the reception ask me to leave my "bow" before going further. This is ridiculous, I hate having others keep my stuff because I'm worried, they forget who has left it in their care and then someone else barges in and says that it's their own very convincingly… And then they would give it to them and I would be f****d and this thought alone makes me want to cry. But I follow the rules and leave it behind, not without showing them the scariest look I can before walking away. I push the button for the elevator and finally get to the rendezvous point. At the 60th floor, after a short corridor, there is only one entrance for the deluxe suite, and after knocking like I've been ordered to, I push the door and get inside the lobby. Apparently, there are other people waiting there. A muscle head and a head muscle? Both have short and straight blonde hair and they seem pretty friendly. It's like they know each other, I can tell that because they're murmuring into each other's ear. The guy is around 2 meters tall with 100 kg of muscles. Probably the kind of person who needs to get shot around 10 times in different places to get taken rid of. It's almost like they have a "revive" skill in their character build. The girl is the hot secretary know-it-all type with high heels and long glasses. A goody-two-shoes with pretty green eyes, who can probably name the 20 first decimals of pi backward in an instant if asked, and I wouldn't be smart enough to tell if she said various random numbers with so much self-confidence that they can only be true. They both wear formal looking suits as if they came for a job interview in a business agency but they most likely have Kevlar jackets hiding underneath. I would like to make sure of it by feeling them with my hand but I realize that fondling someone else's body without notice might seem extremely awkward. I just noticed the back of an old man's head floating above the comfy armchair, in the living room, facing the large window. The skyscraper's height gives a great view of the city at night, and with the docks nearby, I can't help but think it would be a great place to do my work. Knock knock knock. "OOF! I'm not too late, thank God!" The last person who came in … looks outrageous! What idea of fashion does this person have! She looks like she's wearing everything she has found in a trash can. Her oversized shirt is badly rolled up inside her skirt, and she definitely doesn't know how to wear a tie, so why is she using one? And what's that? Sports pants? Under her skirt? And running shoes? That being said, her face is not too ugly, with her slightly curly and long black hair and her big glasses… She could look kind of cute after a relooking, and if she removed the baffled look in her eyes. The ribbon on her hair and her earrings were the only ornaments that didn't look totally out of place on her body, even though they actually ARE out of place for this kind of job, what the hell was she thinking? "Your Highness, all your guests are here." The voice came from the unplugged phone on the low table, lying next to the armchair, on which the old man is dozing off maybe. So, he finally stands up and approaches us with the help of a beautifully carved ivory cane. He wears a very fashionable and expensive brown suit with waxed black shoes, and if I cross him in the streets, I would think he is some kind of super-skilled British secret agent, or a time traveler from a steampunk 19th century Victorian era, since he only misses the top hat, the eyeglass, and that fancy pocket watch with a chain. "Four? So that's the most they could send us? I know our budget is tight but still, they're not taking us seriously…" he sighs. "Come into the living room and state your names!" ... Now that hurts! "What happened?" Asks a voice nobody but me can hear. Shut up! Because of you, parasite, everybody here must have thought I'm an i***t or something! "It's Abhi, can you hear me?" SHUT THE HELL UP! At the other end of my earphone, a young boy's voice is speaking non-stop, asking obvious questions and being an annoying brat since the reunion started! Flashback: "Good evening, Schwa, it's Abhi, I just woke up." This kid is finally awake, but the reunion has started so I can't answer that it's already 9 p.m. "I notice on the radar that you're already at your job, should anything interesting happen, don't forget to fill me in." "Artemis and Diana…" "The top floor is guarded by 21 surveillance cameras, and the suite is a sort of high-tech fortress. It is the highest skyscraper around so you shouldn't expect snipers or physical interventions. Look around you, is there a robot of any kind?" "Yes…?" I notice the cleaning robot standing behind us and answer aloud by reflex. Shit, what a mistake, I didn't mean to speak now. "If they're going to attack tonight, it must be by hacking it. They might render the cameras useless and use the robot to engage hostilities. As long as there is only one, you don't risk anything. I see on the heat signal that there are four more people around you, so maybe you should let them tank the aggro and watch from afar. By any means, don't break it, we need the information it can give us, so if it can get immobilized, you should keep your rifle for—." Why does this brat need to speak so much! I missed half of the conversation now! "Excuse me, your Highness? I did not follow the last minute, please could you say it again?" There you go! With that he should understand that I can't listen at the moment. "Bitch." I smile. End of the flashback! This robot punched me in the back with the strength of a professional boxer! Good thing I'm not the only injured one or I would feel like a clown, even though being as bad as that girl doesn't sound glorious either… "DARIUS, STOP!" Esmeralda shouts. SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR That inhuman screech isn't from the colossus but the robot. It makes my head hurt in addition to my back. "If you break it too much, we won't get the information! It's definitely controlled by distance. That, or it has been pre-programmed before we came in." "The hardware is barely injured." "We'll see, give me the time to plug my computer in." I can't care less about the meaning of all that commotion, the only thing I can think of, is that this robot can't get away with it! And so, I stand up and give it my best kick on what looks to be its head, conveniently lying at the height of my foot. Not that I couldn't do it if it wasn't. My body is very flexible! CRACK! And now my leg hurts too! But that wasn't the sound of my bones. "What the hell are you doing, you i***t!" says Darius who is holding down the body. The robot's head got smashed to pieces under my foot. Unfortunately, that was the place where we're supposed to plug the computer in… "Don't tell me you…" I can hear this brat facepalm in my earphone, just by his bewildered tone. Esmeralda who was getting her laptop out of her bag took a few seconds to realize what had just happened. "Hehehe…" I laugh awkwardly. Now I've done it… ULTIMATE WEAPON "c***k!" I try to contain my laughter, as the most ridiculous turn of events unfolded before my eyes, but at the same time, I'm pleased with it. This Boobies's sheer wits make her rise up in my estimations, and the amount of satisfaction this robot's destroyed face gives me is incommensurable. "Ha haha hahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I can't contain it anymore. As everyone's confused and baffled gazes fall, in order, from the deceased robot, to Boobies, to me, I keep going: "HAHAHA WOW!! What a move! I'm soooo impressed, for real! You didn't leave it any chance! Hell, I wouldn't have done it better! That kick was so cool, where did you learn to do that?! Here, high-five… OUCH! Wait, no high-five actually, my arm still hurts. How come this ambulant trash can hit so hard!" "ARE YOU FOR REAL?!" Now it's Esmeralda's turn to shout. "THIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND TRACES OF THE HACKING NOW?!" "Which of the two should I punch?" asks Darius with a terrifyingly serious tone. "Uh, not me, I didn't break it." Boobies on the contrary is not as cowardly as I am and took on a battle stance. "I've done it, come at me Schwarzie! I'll blow your head to pieces too." "Punch the two of them, they're equally irritating." Stupid woman, I would be confident if I had a bodybuilder pet too. "Don't punch anyone." The geezer finally decided to open his mouth, and his tired look betray the fact he didn't expect to monitor a kindergarten. "The hardware is located in the body. As long as it's undamaged, we can find the information." "I knew that!" puffs Artemis. I did not. "It is true but you made it impossible to plug my laptop in, and we'll have to entrust the robot to a hardware expert, and we'll only find the answers we're looking for in many days instead of minutes!" complains Esmeralda. "I know a trustworthy hardware expert." "Maybe you do but nobody trusts YOU." As they continue debating with each other, I can't help but think about what our enemy's purpose was. Why would they go all their way to hack a stupid cleaning robot which could do no harm? They most likely knew that we're all here tonight. What about … a decoy? While everybody is here, occupied with the robot, they could definitely infiltrate the building, silently killing everyone like in cool spy movies, and if they hacked a robot, they can hack video surveillance cameras, right? I know we're not allowed to but I wish I could ask this Prince what he has done to make such dangerous enemies. With all that in mind, I try to sneak out of the suite by the entrance hall. "Where are you going?" The Prince silently followed me. "I- Uh, I'm just going to look around if there is no sign of threat! No running away, I swear." I really hope he's not thinking I'm betraying them. His cold stare almost makes me sweat and I have no idea what he could do if he happened to want me dead. I can still hear the frenzied commotion in the living room and that just makes me want to leave as fast as possible. "If they seem aggressive, beat them up first, if they are armed, destroy them." Destroy? Isn't that too brutal? But that means I'm allowed to go. I nod silently and see him walk back to the living room. As I step in the corridor, I shiver at the thought that all the stairs below might be filled to the brim by armed professional killers. And as I silently close the suite's main door, I can't help but whisper a goodbye to maybe the last people I'll ever see. My last thought goes to that girl with a hot body who didn't hesitate a second to blow the s**t out of this stupid robot. It was a short meeting, but certainly amusing. And my soft prayer is being answered by her inquiring voice that sneaked out from the closing door's small and smaller interstice: "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" ... Slowly but surely, I sneak out of the corridor and head in the staircase. I'm not dumb enough to take the elevator in this situation. Without turning on the light, I count on my good ears and walk down the stairs, with one hand in contact with the wall, and the other holding my most important accessory. Sixty floors to go. Sixty floors where one or multiple people could be waiting for someone to walk past them. When I reach one and see the plate number's dim light, illuminating the staircase like big stars in the night sky, I think, "maybe the next one." With my eyes quickly adapting to the darkness, I control my breath and my steps in order to make as little sound as possible, and I try to hear anything unusual. But after 30 floors have passed, nothing unusual happened. Nor after 45. Nor after 60. Arriving at the first floor, I take a big breath and slightly open the door to the lobby. Seeing that no one is there, I walk out the staircase, relieved. The hotel's bright lights hurt my eyes after staying such a long time in the dark. But considering I've almost been in semi-apnea for 20 minutes, breathing normally again re- Uh… What the hell? But the relief didn't last. At the reception, behind the desk. Two people dressed as clerks. Armed. One of them is checking on his small gun, while the other has a f*****g assault rifle, and my eyesight is still too bad to tell what model they are. I panic but they haven't seen me yet. I look left and right and notice the emergency exit at the end of the corridor behind me. On the sides, I notice more people who didn't even take the time to change clothes. They are in armed force suits with Kevlar jackets and automatic weapons. Some of them even have shields, we can't do s**t against the FBI! I run as fast as possible but a third guy dressed as a bartender circled me. He has a violin case and I've seen enough movies to know there is a gun inside! "Hey! Are you okay?" Shit, he's noticed me and is going to call his friends, I have to get rid of him. I get my ultimate weapon, a pocket knife, out of my trousers and unfold it in a hand movement. Don't laugh! With my run's momentum, I let myself slide and dribble on his legs, causing him to fall. "HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY-" Getting back on my feet, I plunge my knife in his throat before he gets the time to scream more than he has, and pull it out as fast. Then, in a single movement, I rapidly squat and pierce his balls, his heart and his temple while standing back up. The same way I've been taught to. The weight of his body falling on my blade makes it effortless, the rest is a matter of speed. No time to hide the corpse and wash my hands. I run out of this hell but by almost slipping on the blood that abundantly sunk on the floor, I recall my pain. "OUCH, my arm! f**k this s**t I'm out. Good luck with the rest, fellows." As I leave the hotel, I hear a terrible detonation from the rooftop. "Haha hahaha what the fuck." A dark cloud of smoke veils the skyscraper's 60th floor, as the alarm rings. A helicopter I had not even noticed before flies around the building with spotlights and gunfights start echoing in the night sky. Running away from that place as fast as possible, I turn left and right irrationally through the empty alleys and the dark streets, even though there is nothing behind.