The Truest Love

“Hey, babe.” I rolled my eyes at Jax trying to figure out why I was ever in a relationship with him. “Hi, Jax. My name is Jerry, not babe” I knew this reaction would upset him so I looked around the grassy area on our college campus and was quickly relieved when I realized no one was near us.  “You, used to let me call you babe.” He got closer to me making me back up against a tree. He leaned over me on the hand closest to the campus, blocking me. The other hand he used to lightly stroke my cheek and push a strand of my hair behind my ear.  “You used to let me do a lot of things. One of my favorites was cupping your titts in my hands,” His hand went down my neck and touched my chest. “Jax, please get out of my face, I don’t want you touching me.” He peered down over me, making me remember the times where I felt small around him. He was only two inches taller than me, but he squeezed those two inches of everything they were worth.  “Come on Jerry,” He leaned in closer, whispering in my ear. “Don’t you remember how much you liked my tongue, moving in slow circles around your n*****s?”  His hand lightly grabbed my titt while he licked my ear. “I said get off of me Jax!” I shoved him back, hard. Instantly I could see his face contort into this anger. I was ready to make a run for it into the woods right next to our campus, but as soon as he was angry, he was only mildly irritated.  “Don’t you touch me, bitch.” I could hear the tension in his voice. “I wouldn’t have to push you, if you didn’t touch me in the first place.” I retorted with the same tension.  “Now I remembered why I dumped your crazy ass. I could have any girl I want, but instead I stuck around with you.” “That’s not my fault Jax. If you have so many options, why wouldn’t you just run to them?” “Because I’m in love with you Jerry. I loved you then, and I loved you now.” I took a deep breath, and remembered how hard I’ve worked over this past year. Going to therapy, happy mantras, and some healthy medication to help with my anxiety. “Jax, you don’t even know what love is. I have felt true and honest love, and it is not what we had.” “Who could even remotely love you as much as I do?” “Me, Jax. I love me more than anyone else ever could.” “You’re gonna regret this, bitch.” Jaz stormed off in the opposite direction. I took a deep breath, collected my thoughts, and then headed to class.  I only had one class today, and it’s a late class so by the time I get out it's almost  dark. I started to walk to my car and made sure to reach into my bag and grab out my pepper spray. When I was almost in my car, an older woman walked up to me and asked if I could help her find her class. There was one more class of the day, and I didn’t see a problem with that. She showed me her schedule, and I started to walk with her.  When we were almost at the classroom, I heard something behind me. I whipped around and there stood a large man. I screamed and sprayed him in the eyes with my pepper spray. I started to run but another man grabbed my arm and yanked me back.  “Not so fast hun, we’ve got plans for you.” Holding my arms behind my back, he tried to force me to walk back to where I was. I stomped on his foot and hit him in the face with the back of my head. Using all of my weight I forced myself down to the ground and out of his grasp. I can hear the other guy trying to heal his eyes, so I know he's out of commission for now. I turn onto my back and kick the guy who was holding me in the balls. This made him lean over so I kicked him in the face again.  Getting up I ran towards my car faster than I have ever run in my life. When I get close enough to see my car, the wheels on my car had popped due to someone.  and there was a letter underneath my windshield wiper that read, “Hope you have a safe night home, Jax.” That asshole is my last of my concerns. I looked behind me and the three people were gone. When I turned back around Jax was standing there. I jumped back and screamed scared out of my mind.  “Oh my god Jax, I thought you were one of those guys and-” I started to break down and Jax pulled me close to him, stroking my head with his hand, while his other arm was firmly wrapped around my waist.  “Shh, it’s okay, you’re safe now, I’m here. No one can hurt you now. Let me drive you back to your apartment.” I wanted to refuse, but at this point I didn’t have any better options. I nodded my head and together we walked to his car.  For the first minute there was silence. For minute two he told me how stupid I was for falling for that, and I should know better and more about s*x trafficing. I told him not to talk to me like that but he said what he always says, “all is fair in love and war.” Minute three started and he was telling me how things like this wouldn’t happen to me if I were with him. For the fourth minute he told me that he could just take a turn and we could go back to his place. I told him no, and he continued our drive to my house. I stepped out of the car and onto my entryway sidewalk. Minute five had just started when I heard his door close as well.  “Let me walk you to your door.” He said as he placed his hand on the small of my back, walking me up to my front door. “Are you sure you don’t want me to spend the night with you?” “No thanks. My roommates are home, so I won’t be alone.” “Hey, that rimed.” He flashed a cheeky smile. I watched him get into his car and drive away. Minute five ended, and I opened the door and walked into my house. My roommate Sonja’s and her boyfriend Ryan were sitting on the couch talking.  “Hey Jerry!” screeched Sonja. “Hey babe, what’s up?” “Nothing much, just hanging out with Ryan. How are you?” I thought about everything that has happened in the past 20 minutes and I can feel the tears burning my eyes and my throat started to tighten. I put my bag on the island counter, walked over to the couch, and just broke down while holding Sonja in my arms. I lost track of time after crying and explaining to her what happened today. She just continued to rub my back and hold me. I took a deep breath and got up, thanking her for helping me. Sonja got up and walked to her bedroom to go to bed.  “Hey, I’m really sorry that happened to you. But those were some sick kick ass moves you’ve got there.” I did a small laugh and smiled. “Yeah, thanks Ryan. I guess those martial arts lessons I used to take really paid off huh.” “Yeah, and that Jax dude sounds like a total asshole. You deserve someone much better.” “Thanks. So far there isn’t anyone here to do that.” “Well, Sonja and I actually wanted to talk to you about something, but something more important came up.” He had a soft compassionate look on his face. I thought about what he might be asking but before I could say anything he spoke again. “I don’t want to talk about anything tonight. You have been through a lot, and it will be better to have this conversation in the morning with all three of us. Goodnight Jerry.” He got up to walk to the bedroom. I said goodnight as he passed me. I was still feeling like I needed some air, so I put on a jacket, walked out the back gate of the house, and into the woods. I live in a small town, and a large portion of it is the woods. It is common to hear wolves howling, owls hooting, and other little critters running on the fallen leaves.  Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, I started to walk into the woods, not a care in the world. I’m going to take my own time to process what has happened to me today, and I am going to set up appointments to go back to therapy once a week. I have worked so hard to get where I am today, and even though I am strong, I have learned that it is okay to need and want help.  Hearing the leaves crunch underneath my feet and the cool breeze in my hair instantly helped to calm my nerves. I heard a stick break behind me and quickly my nerves came back, full force. I whipped around getting into a fight stance, my hands were balled into fists and raised to protect my face. A person wasn’t standing there, but instead there was this magnificent black wolf. I took in a deep breath and calmed down my body.  “Oh shit.” I looked around realizing that the only thing between me and home was this wolf. They were just standing there, staring at me. I took a small step forward and they growled, lowering their head. I paused, looked them straight in the eyes and it felt like they were just as lost as I was.  “I’m not gonna hurt you.” I started to walk forward again, but received another low growl. I started getting frustrated and checked my watch. I had been walking for a little over an hour. You weren't supposed to go this far into the woods because it was unsafe. The park rangers claimed that it was due to a high population of wolves, but so far this is the only wolf I have seen. I took in another deep breath and said, “Listen, I just want to go home. So if you could just get over yourself, I’ll be on my way.” I started to walk around them and they went into a prowl stance, moving with me but in the opposite direction. We both stopped and looked at eachother. As if life couldn’t get any worse, it started to rain. The first lightning struck followed by thunder making me flinch and take a step forward, another growl. My mind started to wander back to two years ago when things with Jax had gotten really bad.  Jax was crouched down in front of my naked body. He strapped my legs to the chair allowing for cool air to brush against my vulva. My hands are tied together behind the chair. As he ran his hand up my inner thigh a cold chill ran down my spine. I knew exactly where we were. He has brought me here dozens of times. I am in the rentable storage garages. There are hundreds of them and the chances of someone finding me are slim to none. Tears start to form in my eyes as I start taking deep breaths to calm myself down.  I force myself back to the present, glad that the rain can camouflage my tears. I wasn’t always afraid of the thunder, but that night with Jax changed everything. The wolf was still standing there staring at me, now more on edge because of the rain. More lightning and thunder played in the sky making me flinch again, this time they took a step towards me. My mind was fighting itself, but eventually one side one and I was brought back to that night. I started to scream out for help but the thunder outside was like a gag in mouth. Soon the door opened and in walked Jax. I started to scream again, but the back of his hand quickly touched my cheek leaving behind a stinging feeling. I can hear him screaming at me but all I can seem to focus on is the ringing in my ears.  “Who the f**k do you think you are, huh? You think you can get away with sleeping with my brother? You slut!”  “Jax, you are sick and need help! You don’t have a brother! I tried to get someone to help you get on the right medications to help your illusory thoughts!” “No! You’re trying to take me to them!” “Who? Who are they?” “You know who!” A right hook landed on my jaw and a loud pop followed by my screams echoed in the room.  “Jerry, how could you do this to me? How could you send the vampires after me?” He grabbed a metal baseball bat from the corner of the room. “So I made a plan. They told me that the only way I could live was if I brought you to them.” He swung the bat, shattering my kneecap. Back in the present, thunder boombs in the sky. “No!” I cry out dropping onto the wet grass. I can hear the loud growl sounding closer this time but I am stuck to the ground shaking. Lightning flashes sending me back to my memory. I couldn’t stop crying, making me unable to see, but I could hear everything. My screams were so loud you could feel my pain.  “Jerry, I can’t allow you to go anywhere. I have to carry out my plan, for the both of us.” He swung again, but missed breaking my shin. He untied me and picked me up, carrying me to the bed he had in there.  “I realized Jerry, that the only way that the vampires won’t kill you, is if you’re pregnant.” He laid me down on the bed and got on top of me. With everything I had left in my I scratched at his face, getting him good in the cheek. I tried to push him but he caught my hands. I flashed back to the present and my hands flew out and my eyes opened wide. “Get off of me!” My hands met with rough fur and I drew my hands back realizing what I had just done. My head hurt from going back and forth but never leaving a state of panic. I pushed myself to stand up and step back while the wolf growled and started advancing towards me.  “Go away! I just want to go home!” Tears are streaming down my face and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Lightning flashed making me feel dizzy from the bright light after being in almost complete darkness except for the moonlight and those two yellow eyes approaching me. Thunder stuck again forcing pain to surge through my body and once again I’m on the ground. My face has swelled up due to being continuously hit. Blood has splattered on the pillow and sheets next to me as well as all over my face. Keeping my eyes open has become extremely difficult, so I shut them. My mind has not given up yet and blissful sleep just does not come. My blood ran cold as I I felt his body over mine. He dragged his fingers along my neck from my ear to my shoulder.  “I’m doing this because I love you and I don’t want the vampires to kill you.” I wanted to say that this isn’t love. This is sick, and should never happen to anyone. I felt him center himself between my legs and his p***s entered me.  The pain wasn’t in my mental focus, I was just scared. I was a seventeen year old girl who was wrapped up in a boy who needed medical attention. I thought I would be a bad person if I left, then he threatened himself and me if I decided to leave.  I felt ashamed that I stayed with him when I was sixteen after I had my first warning. Then again after ten more, but now I’m nineteen and I’m just lost. Not being able to see helped enhance my other senses. All around me I could smell his sweat and the room became uncomfortably hot. Eventually I felt a release of weight and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital with Jax sitting next to me talking to the police. “Oh hey, you’re finally awake, shh don’t speak.” Turning to the police he told them how he was the one who found me and has no idea what happened. I drifted back to sleep and when I woke up again Jax was gone. My eyes were still extremely swollen, but I could open them a little bit more and I could whisper.  “Hi mam, can you please tell us what happened?”  “Jax did it.” My eyes started to tear up and I could no longer leave them open. Weeks went by, I chose to press charges and go to court. The judge said I should have known better and for so long I believed him. People didn’t believe me, they thought I was blaming Jax for someone else's doing because I was mad at him.Others just didn’t believe that anything happened to me. Even someone who I considered to be one of my closest friends didn’t believe me. The last time I talked to her we were screaming and she left me screaming and crying at the park getting nasty glares. So I started to scream at them in hopes that someone would believe me.  I jolted back to the present due to the thunder and screamed what I was belting all those months ago,  “I’m not lying!” the wolf was still there, standing right above me. I reached out my hand and touched their head. I wrapped my arms around their neck and just let everything go. Sobbing and screaming, begging for someone to believe me. I eventually started to take deep breaths and just reminded myself of all of the people that love me, and that they believe me.  Laying down on the cold leaves, the wolf laid down next to me and I just curled up next to them while we soaked in the rain. When I next woke the sun was shining in the sky and there were some birds chirping in the distance. It took me a second to remember everything that happened last night and soon the pit in my stomach was back again along with a headache from sleeping on the ground. Then I remember the wolf and when I lay my head back on the ground, my arms are still wrapped around their now warm body. I start to move my hand along their body, massaging the tough fur around their ears. I took a quick glance and realized that he was a male. There was a quick shift of his body and he flipped over facing me. I gently grazed his face with my fingers and then he woke up. His eyes opened and he allowed me to continue to pet him. After a couple of minutes we got up and he walked with me back to my house. I talked to him about yesterday’s incident and everything about Jax. When we got close to my house I bent down and gave him another hug. “Thank you.” I whispered into his ear. He then turned around and ran away. I walked into my house and jumped into the shower wanting to clean myself. As I put on my pajamas and climb into bed, I think about the wolf and wonder if he feels just as alone as I do.