My bruises, Your Pain

Chapter 13: Decisions, decisions

Dear Diary,

I am getting tired of having to write to you, I wish I could tell you the whole story all at ones but things are the way they are for a reason. Soon things will be in perspective, I hope.

Everyone’s eyes was focussed on me, I couldn’t move. I heard him, I saw the ring but my mouth, body and mind wasn’t working as one. I stared at the ring in front of me, my eyes tearing up as I attempt to say something. All the eyes on me made me nervous, everyone expected an answer and finally after what felt like hours I blurted out a yes. Everything after that was a blur, all the screams and hugs numbed my feelings. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to marry him but I was just so young, marriage wasn’t on my mind or in our plans or at least not mine.

We partied till late that night, celebrating the next step in our lives. I finally started to relax and enjoy the ride, I mean I was committing to be with my one true love forever, what better could I ask for? We danced under the stars until our feet was sore but it was still so magical. We walked back home, he placed his jacket around my shoulders making sure I was warm. “This was the best night of my life” he whispered in my ear. I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear. “It was indeed,” I said as I looked into his eyes, the dark making it difficult to see but the stars twinkling in his eye. He kissed me on my forehead, it always make me feel more loved than a kiss on the mouth. It’s something about that kiss that just say, ‘I am here,’ ‘I care about you,’ ‘You are loved.’ We continued walking his grip getting tighter and tighter around me. We reached home and whilst he made him comfortable in t bed I quickly went into the bathroom.

I looked myself in the mirror, I can’t believe I am a ‘woman’ about to get married. It has been such a difficult time in my life and finally things are falling in to place. I smiled at the strong woman looking back at me, followed by a giggle for my silliness. “I should reward him tonight,” I said to myself softly. I tried different sexy poses in the mirror, laughing at myself after each one until I felt confident enough to leave the room and give him a surprise. I walked into the room ready to wow him and I was the one who got a surprise. He was asleep, snoring! I must say I was a bit disappointed but nevertheless I got into bed and snuggled up to him. I switched off the bed side lamps and as I turned “Boo!” he gave me a fright.

“I got you didn’t I?” He said as he tried really hard not to laugh. I was blushing, I swear if the light was on he would be able to see just how red I was, and I could be mistaken for a cherry. I nodded, trying to see his face and his silhouette become clearer as my eyes adjust to the dark. Before I could say anything he kissed me, and bit my lower lip and held onto it. It was sore enough to get my adrenaline pumping but not sore enough to cause me any pain. I wiggled my lip loose from his grip and did the exact same with his lip. He smiled, we kissed for a while before he gently caressed my body, outlining each curve with his finger giving me instant goose bumps. I closed my eyes and did the same, trying to capture all of him in my imagination. As my hand moves along his body I could feel his excitement growing in his underwear and he gave that naughty grin, thinking that I couldn’t see him. We made love, long and passionately celebrating our union with the only other commitment that make us one.

We fell asleep in each other’s arms with his heartbeat as my hymn and his strong arms my shelter. I slept like a log, I think the intercourse released much needed hormones to induce a good night’s rest. I struggled to open my eyes, when I finally did it was to find his side of the bed empty and I must admit I was rather disappointed to not be able to cuddle with him. I spread my arms and legs across the bed and I felt something in the bed; a note.

“To the love of my life,

I am sorry to leave you like this, but I need to finish up some work, but not to worry I will meet you for a late breakfast.

I think you would look beautiful in the dress I picked out for you.” I looked over to see an off white dress hanging on a hanger in front of the cupboard, it doesn’t look like something I own but before getting up to check I finished the letter.

“I will see you at 10am at the same spot as last night?

I love you, fiancée…”

I smiled and whispered “I love you too, fiancé,” I said wishing he could hear me.

I got up and looked at the dress, definitely not something I have bought for myself and it is totally too much for just a breakfast, but he asked so nicely so I wouldn’t want to disappoint him. I looked at the time only a few minutes after 8, still so long before I see him. I cleaned up a bit and took a long shower in hopes to let the time get by faster and as I was about to get dressed I heard a knock. I just got out of the shower, my hair still dripping wet and a towel around my body. I peeped through the hole, and ask “whose there?” when Mr Lategan barged in almost hurting me. The hair on the back of my neck immediately stood up, my mouth was dry and I gripped the towel around me, tighter. He stared at me for a while and I knew, I knew he was there to finish what he started. As I gripped the towel I could feel the ring on my finger, I was so caught up in everything that I even forgot to admire my ring.

He walked over and smelled my hair, his aftershave as overpowering as ever mixed with an alcohol as if he has been drinking the whole morning. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said as he attempted to remain calm and hide his anxiety but it was written all over his face. “I think I deserve a little something in return don’t you think? I have given you a lot, and I am only asking for this small thing,” he continued as started caressing my wet shoulder. I stiffened at his touch, clinching my teeth and biting back the swearwords I so badly wanted to scream out.

My towel dropped to the ground, he stepped back as he admired my completely naked body forcing me to turn so that he can get the full image, laughing and admiring what wants so badly…

The clock strike 10 and I was standing in the mirror with my off white dress, half the person I was an hour ago. I looked at the beautiful of the shoulder dress which I all of a sudden hated. I hated seeing my shoulders as I was disgusted by them, I was broken and I didn’t know how to fix it. I have no idea what happened and how I even got there but I saw him in front of me, just as dressed up as me as though it was a special occasion. I soon realised that it is in fact a special occasion…it was my wedding day.