My bruises, Your Pain

The inside of my mind was like a dark empty space with a whirlwind of emotions in need to be set free. I beg you to bear with me as I start this diary journey to reveal the truth. Your truth, it may set you free or haunt you. Waking up burdens of emotions… As much as I want to keep you safe from pain and heartache, I am the reason for most of it. Dear diary…Dear Aysa It feels like just yesterday when I saw Alec for the first time, his golden brown eyes catching my eye immediately. He was a typical bad boy and one of the most popular kids on school. I on the other hand had only a small group of friends with no sense of belonging, almost invincible. I just couldn’t help but dream about the hunk of a boy he was. I know at 16 your hormones are in overdrive but I swear it was love at first sight, for me at least. Every time I laid my eyes on him or even just thought about him I would get knots in my stomach, my cheeks get warmer and my legs turned jelly. It was just another ordinary day in school dynamics, what was high school without lockers and the mean girl’s right? The popular kids would play pranks on us left right and centre but for some reason we never learned. I was walking to my locker and I passed Alec, he gave a little smile and I for sure believed that it was for me. To crown it off I found a note in my locker that read, “Meet me in the boy’s locker room, Alec.”   A letter from Alec? I was so excited that I didn't even think twice about it even though something in me knew it was too good to be true. I went to the boy’s locker room, as per the instructions of the letter. I was dressed in a polka dot hoodie and a black jean with white sneakers, not the best outfit but it's not like I planned to meet up with Alec. I waited for 5 min, before realising I was silly to think he was going to pitch and as I was about to leave I heard a sound, the door was locked and I heard the giggles as they walked away. I was locked in, I placed my head on the door with tears streaming down my face, I hoped that they would come back but a few minutes turned to an hour and I was a mess. I wiped my tears from my face and decided to climb through a window when a voice stopped me in my tracks. "We will open up on one condition." I couldn't make out who it was or if the person was sincere, I just agreed. I wanted to get out of there so badly, that I didn't think of the consequences. "Take off your clothes, leave only your under wear on," the voice echoed through the door. My heart sank as I processed the words, how could they expect me to walk naked? Didn't they care that it was cold? I don't think they know what the word care even means, I realised that it was either that or I sleep in the locker room. I didn't have a phone just yet, I was saving up for one by doing jobs over the weekends, so I couldn’t even call for help. "TIK TOK!" The voice said much louder and in a more annoying tone. I took off my clothes and as soon as I placed them on the floor they unlocked the door, as if they could see what was happening. I didn't think, I just reacted. I ran out of there as fast as I could, I didn't care who was watching, not looking back ones. Warm tears running down my ice cold face as I hear the laughter. The cold weather made me stop in my tracks, how am I going to get home naked? Everyone will be looking at me, I embraced myself as shivers went down my back when a sudden warmth filled the back of my body. I turned my head to see who my saving grace was, my eyes got bigger as they fall on him and my heart raced, fast and loud as if it would jump out of my chest. It’s him, he came to my rescue. A heat wave instantly warming me up from the inside out. My body was covered but I was still shaking like a leaf, he pulled me towards him, I resist at first not believing his sincerity but finally gave in and I placed my head on his chest. The adrenalin rush that I felt instantly made me forget that I was cold and naked. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice concerned yet sexy. I couldn’t manage to say a word, I just nodded in disbelief. Was he still pranking me? My mind was all over the place when I suddenly realised I am still naked, on the street and in a boy’s arms. I can’t think that this looked too good. “I have to go,” I said as I lift my head from his chest. “You can’t walk like that, I will give you a ride, come,” he said not giving me a choice or a chance to resist. Luckily his car was parked right around the corner and I didn’t have to walk far since I already embarrassed myself enough. We got to the car and he opened the door for me, we drove in silence, but I continuously looked at him from the corner of my eye making sure he doesn’t notice but instead I find him staring back at me. When we pulled up in front of my house I barely allowed him to come to a complete halt before getting out, making sure he didn’t have a chance to say a thing, I mumbled a thank you before jumping out and running inside. I had a lot of explaining to do, my foster mom was one mean lady- yes Aysa that’s why you have nobody because I had no one or at least not someone that stayed long enough in my life to mean something. She hit me, I tried to explaining that the mean girls pulled a prank on me but she wouldn’t listen and I eventually just gave up and focused on covering up my face so that there were no bruises to cover up in the morning. When she was done hitting me, I got myself of the floor, quickly went to the room and pulled the blanket over my head. I took the jacket and I inhaled the smell deeply falling asleep with the little light I had today. Aysa, I don’t want your sympathy and I don’t even know if you will ever get to read this but this is the only way I feel close to you and I hope that one day you will understand my choices. P.S. I Love You, Mom