My bruises, Your Pain

Chapter 2: If walls could talk...

Dear diary

It was a long and painful night, my bruises made every turn more difficult than the next one. I had to contain myself from screaming every time, and finally the light broke through the curtains and it was time to face another day. My stomach was aching from hunger, I was beaten so badly both physically and emotionally that I didn’t think of food. Not that the sandwich would have lasted me till this morning but it’s better than nothing, like most nights.

Before I got into the shower I took a long look at myself, the bluish purple bruises on almost all of my body was what defined every inch of me. I allowed the cold water to run over me, from head to toes and I realised that this was my reality. Always have been and probably always will, making me an easy target to those fools at school. What will a guy like Alec see in me? I do not have a nice body and neither am I beautiful. I don’t even have a family that looks out for me. A thousand things were running through my mind but it all went blank at my foster mom’s voice echoing through the house, “You get yourself out of there! Who do you think you are? Royalty? Are you paying for all that water you are wasting?” I immediately turned off the taps, not letting the water run a second longer. I am not even sure if I actually washed but I didn’t dare leave the water running a minute longer. I got out and placed a towel around my body and walked out the door, bumping into one of my foster brothers. We share a look, his eyes moving from the one bruise to the other on my body before looking away and enters the bathroom.

We are five foster’s, three girls including myself and two boys. The boys were older, only a little over a week left before the eldest one turns 18 and has to go. The other one was 17, then me, 16, and the others are 13 and 14 respectively. The house was small, three bedrooms, one for our foster parents and the other two for the boys and girls each to share. The foster dad was hardly around, which was good. The ones from my previous homes were mean and always drunk, touching us inappropriately. I have been in a foster home ever since I can remember, some were good but never lasted long enough others were bad and lasted too long. I never stayed long enough in one place to get used to the other kids, these two years has been the longest I have been in one place and its best I keep my head down and that’s why it lasted so long.

I rushed out of the house, giving me just enough time to get to school. The walk felt like forever, the bruises on my body aching more with each step I took. My mind was elsewhere when someone pulled up next to me, “Do you need a ride?” the voice asked, I slowly turned my head to see who it was and of course it was him, Alec. I felt so silly since I was holding his jacket close to my face giving the impression that I was sniffing it. He giggled, but before I could do anything he politely asked what my answer was regarding the lift. He got out of the car and opened the door for me, I swear I was just looking at him like a love sick puppy. He wanted to grab my back pack and accidentally bumped into one of my bruises. “Ow…” I groaned softly trying to hide the fact that I experience a sudden sharp pain from him bumping into the bruises. He immediately seem concerned. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I am so sorry.” He babbled as he tried to see where I got hurt and he accidentally revealed one of the purple blue bruises. His eyes lock with mine, I could see the pity in his eyes and I wanted to scream, I didn’t want his pity but he didn’t allow me time to say anything, he closed the door and walked around the car got in and we drove off.

The ride took longer than I expected, I hate the fact that he saw my bruises, what was going through his mind? Does he know I am being abused or does he think it’s self-inflicted? The thought broke my heart, did I really fall in love so quickly that I cared what he thought of me? Before I could stop myself a tear rolled over my cheek, he wiped it off with back of his hand and we continued driving in silence. We pulled up at school, he chose the furthest parking and my heart sank. He was embarrassed to be seen with me, why did he offer me a ride? I felt so cheap and ashamed and I got out of there as soon as I possibly could. I kept his jacket, I don’t know why but there was no turning back.

The day went by okay-ish, but I should have known those girls don’t miss a thing. When we came out of one class to go to another, flyers was all over the floor showing images of me getting out of his car with his jacket in my hand with the words “wh*re” written over it. The kids through the very same pamphlets at me the whole day, purposely walking into me and coughed rude names in my face. I could cope with it all but the day went from bad to worse, during lunch, the kids in the cafeteria tossed their food at me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I picked up my stuff and went to sit in a bathroom stall, the worst part was that he just sat there, didn’t tell them that he offered me a ride and that nothing happened. He did nothing!

Aysa, I don’t want your pity, this is not for you to feel sorry for me. I need to tell you all of this so that you can understand the story better. As you continue to read, which I hope you do, you will see all the puzzles fit together.

P.S. I love You.