Chapter 7: Summary
1055 Words
Dear Diary,
The trip lasted only two hours, at least now you know how much we could afford. As the train pulled into the station I got a shiver down my spine, we were in a foreign place with no money or place to stay but then I felt how he tightens his grip on my hand and I relaxed. It’s us against the world I thought, he whispered in my ear bringing me back to earth “I have enough left for a sandwich,” his voice optimistic yet shaky. I smiled with tears in my eyes and I knew that life will be a hustle from now on forward, not something I was good at but I will have to toughen up if we were to survive the streets. We had just enough for a sandwich and a coffee, seems like this town was a bit cheaper than the town we came from. We walked around to find a warm and safe place to sleep but we ended up right back where we started. That night we slept in the toilet of the train station, you know those areas where the moms can change their babies? Well at least there we could be together, a roof over our heads, warm and safe.
He sat against the door with his legs open, I sat down in between his legs and it was as if I was a missing piece of his bodily puzzle. He breathed in my neck in an attempt to warm me up, his scent and heat gave me shivers. I felt how his breathing intensified, his heart started beating faster and louder against my back and his arms crossed around my body while his thumbs slowly caressed the front of my shoulders. I started sweating as the nerves overtook my body, I placed my hands on his hands and he stopped. “Is this making you uncomfortable?” he asked even more nervous than before and I felt his hands trembling. I shook my head in an effort to show him that I was okay with it but was I okay with it or was I trying to please him? He could sense my discomfort and let go of me completely. Of course I ruined the moment but I didn’t know what to do, I was over analysing the situation and before I knew it my heart took over from my head. I turned around, place my hands at the back of his head and kissed him. We kissed and kissed and he slowly moved his hand from my arms to my breasts and I pulled away. I got up and stood there with tears in my eyes, looking right through him.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…” I heard him babbling but not really listening. There was a murmur in my ear, my focus got blurry and all I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest with each thump my breathing became more rapid. I knew I was safe with him but all I could see was my foster dad, he was barely in my life but he left a scar by just looking at me. He got up and took my hand, he place my hands in his trying to stop them from shaking. “You know, we have a life time to make memories. I am sorry that you felt pressurised,” he said his eyes locked on me. I had no idea what to do in that moment, we were just looking at each other when someone tried to open the door, he froze but I quickly reacted. “Occupied!” I shouted loud and confidently. I don’t know where that came from but that was exactly what we needed to lightened our moods. We giggled, what else could we do? I suggested we put on most of our clothes to keep us warm, leaving only a few pieces in the bag and placed the bags on the floor as a pillow. We looked like teddy bears with all the layers of clothing, making it slightly more comfortable to lay down. I tried to think of happy things and it only took me an hour or so but I finally dozed off.
“I do,” he said with the biggest smile on his face and he placed the ring on my finger. We turned around as the minister announced us husband and wife but no one was there to celebrate our union. Out of nowhere laughter echoed through the room and when I looked around I was standing in a church in front of the whole school, alone, everyone was laughing at me including Alec. “Deirdre! Deirdre! Wake up. You are having a nightmare.” Alec said as he tried to wake me up. I woke up and I just burst into tears. I don’t know if it was because of relief that it was just a dream or because I was happy to see that he was still there. “It was just a dream,” he comforted me. I know it was a dream but it felt so real, I could still hear the laughter reverberating in my ears. I thought my bruises was physical and that it healed but the wounds ran much deeper then I could even imagine. I laid awake for the rest of the night looking at a dirty ceiling in an unfamiliar town with no idea of what the future holds.
So Aysa, that was our first night together after we ran away. He was the perfect gentleman right? I made a good choice right? If you are reading this it means you haven’t thrown away the diary and haven’t given up on me yet but I know that this must be painful to read because why should you feel or know anything about the woman who threw you away. Who gave up on you? Please bear with me a little while longer everything will become clear. There is no point in me summarising everything, I try to add as much detail as I can remember but it’s hard digging up all the old memories. I wish I could do this face to face but I am a weakling, I would choke, leave out all the important details and then I would have ruined my chances.
Love, Mom.
- Writer
