My bruises, Your Pain

Chapter 20: A child’s instincts

Hospital patient POV

At dawn off every day, the silence would emphasize the beeping sound of the monitors and I hear the ventilators pushing live into each one of them. Ten thousand things running through my mind at a thousand miles per second, I hear my own monitor and I pace my breathing, trying to keep my heart monitor under control. How I wish I could write, the one thing I desire the most is to put pen on paper and express my feelings and let it all out. I started a journey and now I am stranded here unable to achieve my mission, the ability to tell her the whys and to get it off my chest. I wonder if she ever got the one at least, I can only pray to get out of here soon and finish what I started.

The hospital is cold and lonely, although the staff try to be friendly, they don’t have the time to just chat. I am lucky to be in one of the first rooms in this manner I see everyone who enters and leaves but also some people in the waiting room. There is this little boy, he came running passed my room today, I only had a glimpse of him but his beauty is undeniable. I thought a lot about my grandson, I would think they are about the same age, I wanted to call him and offer him some of my jelly, but that would just be strange. Or maybe he would gladly keep an old lady like me company. For a second I closed my eyes and imagining what it would be like if I get to meet my grandson, I would hold his little hands and play with his cheeks. He would giggle so loud that his tummy would ache and I can comfort him in my arms. A tear roll down my cheek as the memory becomes too painful, a hand on my cheeking, wiping my tear made me jump. One of the nurse’s checking in on me, they are nice…Always do more than what they are supposed to.  I gave her a faint smile and closed my eyes again.

Conversation between two nurses

“Did you see how sweet that little boy was earlier? I mean his mommy is almost like a vegetable and all he did was love and care for her,” the nurse attending to the patient tells the other.

“I know right, I feel so sorry for her. To be trapped inside your body must be really crazy. But I wouldn’t mind have a piece of that man. Did you see how sexy he is?” the nurse that walked into the patient’s room responded with her hands in the air with excitement.

“Hey watch it, it’s still a patient!” the other exclaimed with shock at her colleagues statement.

Patient

I started humming my favourite song, making it obvious that I was awake and could hear how they were gossiping about patients. I often hum the song, the same song I would hum while I was pregnant. The song took me back to a happy place, a place that although it is covered in the pain and hurt of the past, it’s still one of the good ones.  My humming instantly made the nurses stop talking and I am glad. To hear about someone else’s misery does not make your own any lighter. My voice cracked and I gave a little cough, I point towards the water on my table and one of the nurses pour me a glass. As I was taking a sip I heard a little voice…“Sing more, please,” his words barely forming and his voice as sweet as an angel. I placed the glass in the nurse’s hand and turn toward the door to see where this beautiful voices was coming from and there he was the little boy that ran past me earlier, I didn’t hesitate, I immediately started singing again. He looked at me as if he knew me and there was some familiarity in him, but I could just not put my finger on it.

I sang and sang, because I didn’t want to stop I wanted him to stay and that’s when a man walked into the room. He didn’t look at me, he apologised for the boy being in the room and I immediately knew it was his father. Even the way they were dresses, they were a splitting image of each other. He took him by the hand and walked out. A sudden sadness came over me, as if my heart was just broken by the departure of this young man. It was hardly a second before he was back in the door again, asking me to sing again. I just thought that he like the sound of my voice but he seemed more interested. He walked closer to my bed, his father walked into the room once again. He looked from his son to my bed and it was as if he saw a ghost.

I stopped singing, gasping for air, the heart monitors started beeping showing just how fast my heart was racing. The nurse’s tried to get them to leave the room to calm me down but the little managed to go between her legs and climb onto my bed. He looked at me for a while and finally said “momma…” his little face looked so confused yet he didn’t act scared. The man walked closer, he blinked s couple of times probably to make sure he was sure of what he was seeing and that’s when I saw him clearly…It was my daughter’s husband, that means this is my grandson! I burst into tears, not able to say a word.

“Are you perhaps Aysa’s mother?” Austin asked, struggling to get the words out. I saw him and I heard him but I froze. We stared at each other for a while before I managed to nod to his answer. The shock was clearly written all over his face, but before I could talk to him any further he picked up the little boy and stormed out. I started singing, hoping they would rush back but they didn’t. The nurses were stunned at what just happened, well I don’t think they understand what happened, to tell the truth I am also not exactly sure what just happened. I tried to get up and remove the needles and wires from my arm and chest. They quickly stopped me trying to calm me down.

“Let me go! Let me go!” I screamed as loud as I could but they didn’t let go. After a struggle the nurses called in some help and a few moments later doctors came running through the door. The nurses held me down while the doctor injected me with something. I screamed a few more times before whatever it was that they gave me kicked in. I started to feel drowsy, everything seemed to be in slow motion and suddenly everything went quiet.