Between The Spark and the Safe

Rain tapped softly against my windowpane, pulling me out of my ocean of thoughts one Monday morning. Not that I had actually been asleep. I had spent the last seven hours lying in bed, replaying memories I desperately wished I could forget—the way I had watched Mum take her last breath, the events that followed, and the emptiness that had settled inside me ever since. Eventually, I forced myself out of bed, despite every part of me wanting to crawl right back underneath the covers. I dragged myself downstairs and stopped when I saw Dad in the kitchen. He was making breakfast. Pancakes and bacon. My favourites. My heart sank. A few years ago, Mum had stood in that exact kitchen making the same breakfast. Seeing Dad try to recreate something so familiar brought back memories I wasn't ready for. Dad had heard from a colleague that after experiencing a trauma like ours, changing environments could sometimes help. That was part of the reason we had moved after he was transferred to the hospital in Silverdale. But I couldn't help feeling like I had left a huge part of Mum behind in Mayfield. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Dad's voice. "Hey there, Xanie. How was your night?" I blinked. "Fine." "Let me quickly finish breakfast and I'll be ready to take you to school. But please, can you wake up your sister, Riley? She must be eating cookies in her dreams right now." He laughed. I smiled despite myself. "Sure. Just don't be late for work. You know it's your first day too." I hurried upstairs to wake Riley and get ready. After my bath, I put on my baggy jeans, crop top and jacket, fixed my hair, added some makeup and stood in front of the mirror. I stared at myself for a few seconds. "Roxanne, you're going to make the most out of today," I told my reflection. "It's your first day at a new school. Try to be friendly. Try to be open-hearted." I took a deep breath. "You've got this." I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. Breakfast with Dad and Riley felt surprisingly normal. For a few minutes, it almost felt like Mum was sitting at the dining table with us. Then Dad cleared his throat. "Okay, girls. I know this is a new school, and it's going to be kind of hard without Mom. But I'm going to try my best to make everything as comfortable and easy as possible. Maybe I'll even try to pick you up early today." He chuckled. Riley and I laughed. A few minutes later, we headed off to school. --- Silverdale High was completely different from what I had imagined. I thought it was going to be one of those schools filled with terrifying teachers, walking textbooks and students who probably considered getting a ninety-nine percent a personal failure. Instead, it was pretty ordinary. Nerds. Jocks. Cheerleaders. Drama. And probably enough gossip to keep the entire school entertained for years. I sighed and walked through the entrance. I had barely taken three steps when someone bumped into me. "Watch it," he muttered. Before I could respond, he kept walking. "Watch where you're going, dude!" I called after him. He didn't even turn around. I rolled my eyes. Great. First day. First annoying person. Then another boy approached me. He had blond hair, bright blue eyes and an easy smile. "Hey there. I'm Nathan. You're new here, right?" "Yeah, I am." "I didn't catch your name." "Roxanne." He smiled. "Okay, Roxanne. We have class now. Let me show you where to go." I nodded. "Thanks." We walked through the hallway together. --- When I entered the classroom, the teacher smiled at me. "You must be our new student. Why don't you introduce yourself?" Every eye in the room turned toward me. Wonderful. "Hey. I'm Roxanne, from Mayfield, Dallas." I didn't wait for applause or a response. I simply walked to an empty seat and sat down. Then I noticed him. The guy who had bumped into me earlier. He turned around in his seat. "Hey, Roxie." I frowned. Roxie? I had known him for approximately thirty seconds. How had he already decided he could give me a nickname? "You're gonna love it here." Then he gave me a look that made me immediately question whether he had ever heard of subtlety. He turned back around. I stared at him for a second. Okay. Definitely annoying. Unfortunately, he was also ridiculously attractive. He had messy brown hair, striking green eyes and cherry-pink lips. He looked like he had walked straight out of some ridiculously dramatic high-school movie. I quickly looked away. Oh my God. Why did he have to be that good-looking? --- Math was surprisingly easy. English wasn't bad either. P.E., however, was a completely different story. Coach Conrad was aggressive, loud and apparently determined to make me regret every decision that had led me to Silverdale High. "Twenty laps!" I stared at him. "Twenty?" "Did I stutter?" I groaned. All because I couldn't jog for ten minutes. By the time P.E. ended, my legs felt like they belonged to someone else. Never again. --- After P.E., Nathan found me. "Want me to show you around?" "Sure." He introduced me to his friends—Grace, Isaac and Melissa. Grace was chill, smart, funny and obsessed with anything trendy. Isaac and Melissa were dating, which meant they spent approximately ninety percent of their time talking about each other. The other ten percent? Making everyone around them uncomfortable. We were chatting in the courtyard when Carson suddenly walked over. He stopped in front of me. "Hey, Roxie." I looked up. "Wanna grab a bite sometime?" I blinked. It was my first day. I didn't even know this guy. "Maybe another time. I'm kind of busy right now." His lips curved into a small smirk. Then he leaned closer. I immediately stepped back. "No." For a second, he simply looked at me. Then he gave a quiet laugh, turned around and walked away. I stared after him. What just happened? Grace grabbed my arm. "OMG! The hottest guy in school almost kissed you!" "Grace," Melissa warned. "What?" "We don't want Roxie getting involved with someone like him on her first day." I looked at her. "Why?" Nathan answered. "Carson has been with practically every girl in this school." My eyebrows shot up. "Seriously?" "He isn't really into relationships," Nathan continued. "He dates someone, gets bored and moves on." Grace giggled. "I've heard he's a good kisser." "Grace!" I laughed awkwardly. But for some reason, Carson stayed in the back of my mind all the way home. Not because I liked him. Obviously. I hadn't had a crush on anyone since eighth grade. Back then, there had been Luke, my neighbour's son. He was cute, warm and friendly. Unfortunately, he acted like he was the most innocent person alive. Sometimes I genuinely wondered if he was secretly planning to become a monk or something. Either way, that phase was over. And Carson? Definitely not my type. Probably. --- That evening, I had just changed into my pajamas and picked up my book when my phone rang. Jessica. My best friend and neighbour from Mayfield. "Hey, girl! Whatcha doingggg?" she squealed. "Got any cute guys yet? How was your first day? I want to hear everything!" I smiled. Jessie had always been chatty and full of energy. I told her everything. Well... almost everything. She couldn't stop giggling. "Gurl! You got yourself a whole sexy dude!" "Jessica..." "Tell me when you kiss him!" "I can't trust him yet." "Oh, please." "And Nathan isn't bad either. He's actually really nice." Jessica laughed. "You know Carson's the interesting one." "Jessica!" "Fine, fine. Just be careful, okay? Don't get your heart broken." I went quiet. Her voice softened. "You know you're still healing." Healing. That one word stayed with me. I thought about it for a while. Then exhaustion finally won, and I fell asleep. --- The next morning, I was half-asleep during History. Which was, by the way, the most boring class ever created. The classroom door opened. A girl walked in. She looked like she had stepped straight out of a fashion magazine—perfectly styled hair, flawless makeup and an attitude that could probably be seen from across the hallway. "Vanessa, you're late," Mrs. Kirnicky said. "Next time, try to be earlier." Vanessa scoffed and walked to her seat. As she passed Carson, she gave him a flirtatious look. Then she glanced at me. And glared. I frowned. Okay... what did I do? Apparently, every teenager eventually had to deal with one self-absorbed girl who thought the entire school revolved around her. Congratulations, Roxanne. You found yours. --- After History, I walked down the hallway with Nathan. "So, Roxanne," he said, "tell me more about yourself." "I'm not much of a talker. Just an average teenager." Nathan laughed. "An average girl doesn't show up on her first day and almost get kissed by the hottest guy in school." I rolled my eyes. "You really enjoy teasing me, don't you?" "Maybe." He smiled. I couldn't help noticing how effortlessly charming his smile was. I smiled too. "Well, I guess you already know me." "Not even close." I laughed. For the first time since moving to Silverdale, I felt like maybe I could actually fit in. --- Over the next few days, I kept hanging out with Nathan and his friends. They were fun. They distracted me. And, for a while, I stopped thinking about Mum's death. Then one afternoon, everything changed. I was sitting in Geometry when Mrs. Smith didn't show up for class. A few minutes later, Principal Clark walked into the classroom with a woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties. The room immediately went quiet. "Mrs. Smith is no longer with us," Principal Clark said solemnly. My stomach tightened. "She passed away after battling ovarian cancer." I froze. Cancer. The word hit me like a punch. Suddenly, the classroom felt too small. Too hot. My breathing became shallow. My heart began pounding violently. Cancer. The word kept repeating inside my head. My vision blurred. I couldn't breathe properly. Beads of sweat formed across my forehead. Someone called my name. "Roxie?" I couldn't answer. "Roxie!" The sound became distant. My hands trembled. Then everything went black. The last thing I heard was Nathan's frightened voice. "Roxie!"