18. Unable to give him up. [Part 2]
1874 Words
After lunch, since Cass doesn’t have class, she convinces me to go with her into town to buy some school supplies she needs for a model she was assigned. I take her in my car —the rental I’m still paying for— and I’m pleasantly surprised that people don’t have the same rude attitude as the last time.
“Should we go there?” Cassidy asks, pointing at a small, cozy-looking ice cream shop.
I squeeze her fingers when she intertwines our hands and we cross the street to enter the place. Once we place our order, we sit on the chairs outside and eat between laughs because of her antics.
“You know what, Lí?”
She started calling me that after she heard Becket do it.
“Mmm?”
“My dad and Uncle Becket have started getting along since you’ve been here.”
I stop, looking at her momentarily speechless, until I manage to say, “Cass, I don’t think it’s because of me…”
“Yes, it’s because of you,” she says. “Beck laughs now and he’s less tense, which allows Dad to get closer to him.”
She thinks that…?
“You think it was Becket’s fault they didn’t get along?”
“I don’t know, but every time Dad tried to get closer than usual or have a deeper conversation with him, Uncle Becket would shut down… sometimes I thought the only reason he didn’t kick us off the ranch was because of me.”
“Cass…”
“Because I know he hates my mom, which I can understand, because… she’s not a good woman,” she licks her ice cream, her face unreadable as she says, “But Dad is a good man, the best I’ve ever known, so I never understood why Uncle Beck never let him get close.”
“Maybe he had his reasons, reasons a girl your age isn’t ready to understand.”
She rolls her eyes at me, visibly annoyed.
“I can understand,” she insists. “I know they were best friends and like brothers until a fight tore them apart. I was just a little girl and Becket already loved me like his niece, that’s why we stayed on the ranch. But what kind of grudge lasts that many years? Sometimes I was mad at him…”
“At Becket?”
“Mmm… I didn’t like that Dad was sad because of him.”
“Sweetheart…”
“But it’s not like that anymore,” she smiles, her pretty dark eyes shining brightly, “and it’s thanks to you.”
A knot forms in my chest, a pain over how distorted her version of reality is. How much will it hurt when she learns the full truth? Because if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that one day she will know it all. Maybe it’ll be years from now, but she will. And how lost will she feel when she realizes the antagonist in this story was never Beck, but her mother and, even, her father?
And Becket?
Does he know that Cass has held a bit of resentment toward him over the years?
He’s a smart man, so I’m sure he knows, which makes me want to hug him for the pain that must’ve caused.
“They’re your two favorite people in the world, aren’t they?”
“Yes,” she nods, focused on her ice cream.
I’m about to say something in Becket’s defense, but a girl around my age shows up with some flyers in her hands.
She hands me one, smiling.
I just stare at her, silent.
“My name’s Autumn,” she stretches out her hand to shake mine. “If you have a dog, I can walk it for you. If you need someone to take care of your grandpa, I’ll do it too. Unclog your pipes? I’m your girl. Grocery shopping, laundry, helping you find your place. I do it all, I’m in everything.”
“Autumn…” Cass groans, but the woman presses her hand lightly against the girl’s face, pushing her to the side. It’s not a rough move, just playful, and Cass must be used to it because she doesn’t mind, just rolls her eyes.
“Anything you need today?”
I shake my head, leaning back a little.
“I can also be your therapist to help you through your loss,” Autumn’s eyes sparkle as she speaks. “I’ll listen and keep my mouth shut, I swear.”
“I don’t…”
“Rumor has it you don’t have a bed! I can help with that too!”
“She got it days ago, Uncle Beck installed it for her.”
But the girl isn’t discouraged by Cass’s words.
“Then I’ll help you hold Loretta down so you can pour more itching powder on her!”
A gasp escapes me at her words. Very nervously, I look at Cassidy, but she keeps eating her ice cream. She’s calm, as if she already knew and didn’t mind.
“I don’t need any service,” I manage to say.
Autumn frowns and sits next to Cass, starting to eat her ice cream.
“I’m saving up for a new car and I haven’t even made half.”
“It’s about time you got a new one, that car was a menace to the world.”
“It was my grandma’s.”
“Great-grandma, you mean.”
“She’s still my grandma.”
I laugh, amused by their little back-and-forth.
When a group of boys and girls Cass’s age enter the ice cream shop and greet her, she gives me a small gesture and goes over to them. I keep watching her, feeling a little nervous around this stranger.
Autumn.
And what do I say now?
“Lia,” she says my name with a smile, “you’re already a celebrity in this small town.”
“I don’t understand why.”
“Oooh,” she gasps, “your accent is so elegant, can you speak again?”
I go quiet, lowering my gaze to my ice cream.
She doesn’t seem bothered, just laughs.
“Seriously, whatever you need, my number’s right there,” she points to the flyer on the table.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“Oh right!” her voice rises cheerfully. “The craft and food market festival is coming up. Callahan Ranch always donates blackberry jam for it. Do you think Becket would hire me to help prepare it? They say you have a lot of influence over him.”
I look at her, blushing, but she just blinks, waiting for an answer.
“I don’t have influence over him.”
Cass’s laugh draws our attention toward her, and we both watch for several seconds as she plays and talks with her friends.
“She’s a great kid, isn’t she?”
“She is,” I agree with Autumn.
“It’s a shame about the mother she has. Loretta doesn’t understand her. She’s put her in a thousand beauty pageants, no matter what Cass says, it’s like she wants to exploit her looks even at her expense.”
Beauty pageants?
Cassidy would be the last girl to want to be in anything like that. Yes, she’s beautiful —I have to admit she got that from her mother because, despite everything, Loretta is a stunning woman— but Cass has ranch life in her veins. Dedicating her life to anything not related to animals or the countryside is something I know she’d never do.
Autumn stays by my side a while longer, keeping me company until Cass returns, as if she knows I don’t want to be alone. It’s a gesture that, somehow, sticks with me. So, before she leaves, I say, “I’ll tell Becket about your proposal.”
She lights up, happy, and walks away from us with a huge smile on her face.
Cassidy and I buy a few more things and get back home just in time for dinner. Once we sit at the table, Rose tells me Becket already ate, so I assume I won’t see him again today.
The idea that he’s ignoring me crosses my mind… Maybe sleeping together was crossing too big a line.
A bit disheartened, I go back to the cabin and make some progress on my design, which I’d postponed to take Cass shopping. Working on it is easy, especially because it gives me privacy and keeps me from being around too many people. And I lose myself in my drawings for over three hours, surprised by how late it’s gotten.
I check my phone, and a lump forms in my throat when I see missed calls from my family, but I’m still not ready to face them and tell them once again that I’m not going back home.
Not yet.
I don’t want to.
I’m not ready.
Still disheartened by how my day ended, I take a bath and pull Becket’s hoodie over my body for a little comfort. And I stop there, looking at my bed. It seems like the mark of his body is still there, like his presence is still intact, as if he never left this morning.
What if…?
I shake my head, saying no.
Then a couple of soft knocks at my door make my heart race, my thoughts spinning in a thousand directions, wanting just one thing.
Nervously, I open the door, and I swear my world stops when I see him there, standing, waiting for me.
We stare at each other for long seconds filled with everything.
He doesn’t dare speak, and neither do I.
What could I say?
Don’t go.
Stay with me.
Please, don’t go.
It feels so wrong, so improper to say it.
I’m so scared words will ruin everything, make it so real that neither of us could bear it.
But then…
I step aside, my hand gripping the doorframe as I wait for his decision.
Becket runs his hands down his granite jaw, clenched in… restraint? And when I think he’s going to turn and leave… he doesn’t. Beck walks into my cabin, goes straight to my bed, takes off his shoes, and lies down on the same mattress where it all started, when I dragged him across the land that’s healing my heart.
“Babe?” he asks, looking vulnerable at the ceiling, waiting for my reaction.
I swallow hard, turn off the light, and go to him.
I swear that, just as I can hear my own heart, I can hear his… erratic, wild, strong.
“Come here.”
Without hesitation, I crawl to his side. His arm, wrapping around my shoulders and back, gently pulls me into him. And I rest my head on his chest, where I can hear and also feel his heart most clearly.
My eyes close as his fingers begin those soft caresses on my back, my arm wraps around his waist to keep him close, needing him near.
And without knowing what I’m doing or feeling, but unable to give this up, I let my mind be filled only with him… and I fall asleep.
[2/2]
- Writer
