The taste of forbidden

19. A thinner and thinner thread. [Part 1]

19. A thinner and thinner thread.

Becket.

Even though I’m present, supervising while the ranch hands herd the cattle to another pasture, my mind is somewhere else.

And Hank seems to notice.

"Everything okay?" he asks for the umpteenth time.

I tighten my hands on the horse’s reins and nod without giving a verbal response. Lia must be making jam at home, and I can’t stop wondering if she’s comfortable. She’s with Rose and Cass, but she asked me to hire Autumn, and although she’s a good girl, she’s still a stranger to Lia.

Plus, there are more ranch hands around who might trigger her social anxiety.

"What’s wrong?" Hank insists. "You look nervous."

"Lia’s helping make the jam."

"Yeah, Cass wouldn’t stop chattering about it, she told me Autumn was coming too."

"Mmm," I murmur.

"Autumn’s trustworthy," he reminds me.

And I know, she was Cass’s nanny for many years when her presence was needed. But her personality is so different from Lia’s. I worry that, without meaning to, she’ll make Lia uncomfortable.

"Cass told me they met at the ice cream shop and seemed to hit it off. Why are you so worried?"

I ignore the irritation that claws at my chest from the fact that he knows all this when I don’t. The truth is, Lia and I have fallen into a pattern that’s slowly consuming me. Even though every damn night she falls asleep in my arms, during the day we ignore each other as much as we can.

I miss her, but at the same time… it’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, not when there’s so much left unsaid between us.

That doesn’t stop us from sleeping together—in a pretty platonic way, but still together. And even though I feel like we’re both too scared to say a single word—even in the dark of night—sleeping next to her is slowly becoming more than a want. Holding her in my arms while I sleep is turning into a need.

And that scares me.

"Wasn’t it you who agreed to hire her?"

I snap back to Hank and take a moment to realize he’s talking about Autumn.

"Yeah, Lia asked me to," in a note she left in my hat, along with those flowers she keeps giving me every time she comes back from Lucas’s little spring.

"Then what are you worried about?" he asks, getting nothing but silence from me. "Or is there something else bothering you?"

I don’t want to admit it, but the truth is, the distance we keep during the day is starting to piss me off. Even if it’s a silent agreement between us, it bothers me that she’s willing to spend time with other people, but not with me.

I want to go to her, at least see her enjoying this new jam-making experience, make sure she’s comfortable… but I can’t. And it’s not just because we’re too scared to talk to each other, it’s that I have no excuse to go see her. For years I’ve given away jam at the festival, and never once have I been part of making it.

So, what reason would I have to show up now?

Trying to resist the urge to go to her, I ask Hank, "And Loretta?"

He sighs, a grim expression appearing on his face.

"She’s furious," he tells me.

"How furious?"

"She keeps asking me to put Lia in her place for what she did. It’s driving me crazy."

"You know Lia was just defending herself."

She was defending me— I correct in my mind.

He laughs, but it’s a bitter kind of laugh. If I’m honest, I can’t remember the last time I heard him laugh for real. Loretta seems to have been draining the life out of him year after year. The cheerful, laid-back Hank I always knew is long gone.

"I know Loretta. I know Lia had her reasons for doing what she did," he says without a trace of resentment in his voice, "but the situation is wearing me down. I think Loretta suspects who she is to you, and her bitterness is spilling over to Cass and me. Being at home is absolute hell."

I stare at him, realizing it’s the first time he’s ever been this honest with me about his relationship. And it’s also the first time I’ve asked about his situation, the first time I’ve truly cared about him.

I’ve noticed Hank and Cass spending more and more time at my place, but I thought it was because of Lia’s presence, which Cassidy craves, and also because of the improved friendship between Hank and me. It never crossed my mind that his situation with Loretta was becoming unbearable.

"Leave her," I whisper, referring to his wife. "I’ve never said this before, but you have my support if you decide to get a divorce."

Besides, I hate that Loretta is anywhere near Lia. If he and Loretta divorce, there’d be no excuse for her to be at the ranch anymore. The house they live in is mine, I could freely kick her out and even move the two of them into my place. Having Cass back with me would be a bonus.

"She’s still Cass’s mom," he reminds me. "And even if their relationship isn’t the best, I don’t want to separate them. And that’s not all, Beck. How would we handle custody of my daughter? Everything just seems so complicated."

I wonder how long he’s been thinking about divorce. Because even though it sounds like something he refuses to do, he’s analyzed the process so thoroughly, which tells me he’s been considering it for a while.

I open my mouth to say something, but his phone rings with an incoming call. I glance at the cattle while he answers, but when he curses, I look back at him.

His eyes are full of frustration and irritation when he says, "I’m on my way."

"What’s going on?"

"Loretta," he growls.

"Shit."

I tighten the reins, and the horse bolts forward. Hank and I gallop at full speed, urgency thick in the air. My mind is only on Lia and getting to her.

I don’t know how the hell I didn’t anticipate that Loretta would show up. Every year, she’s helped Rose with the jam-making; I should’ve known she’d be pissed about being left out this time.

I curse again when, as I get closer, I see both women covered in jam. And while Autumn is holding Lia back, a furious Loretta is being restrained by Miguel and Rose.

I jump off the horse and run to Lia.

"Are you okay, babe?" I cup her face in my hands, scanning her for injuries. "Lia," I press, because her silence is seriously worrying. She’s staring at Loretta with so much hatred, she doesn’t even look like herself.

"Loretta tried to take Cass by force," Autumn says, but I don’t take my eyes off Lia, now looking her up and down to make sure she’s okay.

"And Cass?" I ask, looking around, still unable to let go of Lia.

"She ran into the house," Autumn replies.

I see Hank storm into my house without hesitation, looking for Cassidy, so I calm down a little, focusing solely on Lia again.

"Does anything hurt?" I insist, lifting her face more toward mine. "s**t, Lia, talk to me..."

"She said she took her from you once, and she’ll do it again."

I shake my head, confused.

What?

"Are you okay, babe?" I press, because she still won’t give me a damn answer.

"She’s mine!" I hear Loretta scream. "And if you don’t want me, you won’t have her either!"

Lia clenches her jaw, steps toward her, but I slide my arm around her waist and pull her to me.

"Don’t listen to her," I murmur against her temple.

"She wanted to take her by force," Lia growls, furious. "It didn’t matter what Cass said, she wanted to take her just because she saw her with me."

"Go with Cass," I tell Autumn.

She nods, and the worried look in her eyes tells me Loretta really put on a show. As Autumn runs into the house, I pull Lia closer to me, trying to get her out of this damn scene. The ranch hands are gathered, murmuring among themselves, and I can already imagine being the town gossip.

"So now you’re f*****g your brother’s wife?"

Lia trembles with rage.

"Shut up, Loretta," I growl over my shoulder.

"Look at you," she laughs in a bitter way, a laugh that makes my skin crawl, "being dominated by a little girl. Is that what you’re into now, Becket? Should I be worried about my daughter?"

Everything falls into a dead silence after what she just insinuated. Even I can’t react.

Did she...?

I feel bile rising in my throat, a sharp pain in my chest from the filth coming out of her mouth, and I can’t believe she would ever say something like that.

How dare she?

How the hell does she dare?

Lia, taking advantage of the shock her words caused, slips out of my arms and moves toward Loretta, who’s still being held by Rose and Miguel. It all happens in a blink, almost a blur, and Lia moves so fast that the sound of her slap is what echoes in the air.

I hear everyone gasp, even Loretta is frozen, her face turned to one side from the impact, as if struggling to process what Lia just did.

Once, when Lia had just arrived, I provoked her so much I got the same treatment. But the slap she gave me wasn’t like this. Her hand didn’t hurt, there was no sound of skin against skin, she practically just brushed me… like she didn’t want to hurt me, even then, careful about how she touched me.

But the slap to Loretta?

It’s hard.

Fuck, really hard.

I shudder, snapping out of my stupor when Loretta throws her hand forward, trying to hit Lia back.

It’s like that move triggered something.

Everyone yells, the ranch hands straighten where they stand, like they’re ready to jump in and protect Lia. Miguel pushes Loretta back hard, and Rose screams at the hellish woman, "Don’t you dare touch her!"

I grab Lia’s waist with both hands, pulling her back.

"Let’s go," I tell her.

"You never deserved her," Lia’s voice is loud and clear, her tone full of pride and certainty. "And you never will… not even if you were born again."

When the shitstorm explodes, Loretta losing her mind and screaming like a lunatic, I lift Lia by the waist and get her out of there. As I rush toward the stables, I hear everyone making sure that devil of a woman doesn’t come after us. I wonder if Lia knows, that she has the loyalty of everyone present. It’s like, in her own silent and gentle way, with just three months at the ranch, Lia has earned the respect and affection that Loretta never did in over fourteen years.

I feel the stickiness of jam staining my arms as I keep leading Lia away from the damn woman who keeps trying to ruin my life.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To the showers behind the stables," I tell her.

Maybe the cold water, besides cleaning her off, will cool her rage.

Tired of the awkward position we’re in, I set her down on the ground, slide my arms under her knees and shoulders, and lift her against my chest to move more easily. Once I reach the stables, I go inside and head out the back, where the small ranch showers are set up for the hands.

Without thinking too much, I take us into one of the small stalls, set her on her feet, and step back to take off my shirt.

[1/2]