The Moon's Choice

The Mating

"Surprise." He smiles.

"Oh, go f**k yourself!"

"Would you stay if I revealed to you my true intentions?" He didn't even react to my punch. It didn't hurt him at all. "I'm curious."

"You know I wouldn't."

"Exactly. So I had to figure out a way to make you stay. You can't blame me, Ryn."

"I can't blame you? You lied to me about everything! You said you were on my side!"

"I am on your side, and I didn't lie about everything. Just about the part where I sent someone after Kilian. Why would I ever do such a thing? That ungrateful bastard doesn't deserve it."

"He's not the bastard, you are!"

"You don't know a thing. I tried to help him. All he ever did was conspire against me with that traitor. He plans on killing me and making Xathan Alpha of SilverMoon once again when the truth is that the spot as Alpha belongs to me."

"It belongs to both of you."

"He's never wanted to rule. Kilian wasn't born to be a leader. He's a coward, always has been. The only reason why he stuck to Xathan was that he never dared to face him. It was always easier supporting him and licking his paws. But not with me." His eyes are dark and cruel. "Don't you see that? He betrayed our pack. He betrayed our parents' memory."

"He doesn't know the truth. He believes Xathan truly is your uncle, it isn't his fault."

"I've told him countless times and he never believed me. But enough about Kilian. We need to talk about us."

"There is no us!" My tone is laced with disgust.

"Oh, but there is. Of course, there's us. I couldn't deny what I felt when I first saw you. I'd been waiting for that moment for an entire fortnight. Do you know how that feels for a male? I needed you by my side, and meanwhile, you were sharing my own brother's bed!"

"He and I are meant to be together! He saw my face in the Moon, which is why he came looking for me, and he found me. We're mates."

"So did I, sweet Ryn. The Moon whispered your name in my ear that very same night. Kilian and I saw the same thing that night. We saw you."

I gasp. "You're lying."

"I wouldn't lie about this. Kilian got to you first, but I never stopped looking for you. And imagine how I felt when I learned that you were already turned, and held captive by my brother. I knew I had to find a way to you, so I told my warriors to keep an eye on you and wait for the perfect moment, and it finally presented itself a month later."

I cringe. "You're a psychopath." I then spit. "You tried to kill him that night! You sent those rogues!"

"I needed you by my side. Every day away from you was torture. Do you know how it feels like to be away from your mate?"

"I feel that every day."

"But you don't. That's because of me. I'm your mate, too. I don't know why the Moon chose you for both of us, Ryn, but I do know one thing. I don't share what's mine. If Kilian does come for you, I won't let him take you away from me."

"That's not your call to make. I love him!"

He wraps his hand around my neck and squeezes. "Don't say that, Ryn. Never repeat that. I won't have you say his name anymore. It sickened me, knowing you were thinking about him, knowing you missed him. That'll end soon enough."

He releases me and I growl. "You can't do that."

"Of course I can. And I will. Lie still, Ryn. Let's get this done and over with."

I begin crawling away from him, but he grabs my legs and my ankle sings. I hiss. He climbs on top of me and starts running his hands over my body. I recoil and I slap his face so hard my palm stings, but he simply chuckles. "Easy, my little wolf. Fighting back won't do you any good."

"Leave me alone!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "Let me go, I don't want anything to do with you."

"But you do, my Ryn." He's calm and it's infuriating. "I can smell your lust from here." He shoves his head between my breasts and inhales. I push him away with my chin.

"You're a pig. You disgust me."

"Whatever you say, Ryn." He lifts his head, then licks my n****e through the dress. An anguished sound escapes my throat. He's invading my body and I can't do a thing to stop him. His grip is cutting into my wrists and his knee is heavy on my legs. I can't move. I can only watch him assault me.

He tears the top of the dress with his teeth and exposes my breasts. I tell him to stop, but it's like he isn't even listening to me. He takes a n****e in his mouth and I'm filled with pleasure and disgust simultaneously. He presses his nose to my neck and starts talking.

"I promise to cherish and love you always and treat you as an equal. You will never know hunger or pain and I will give you everything you ask for." I know what he's doing. He's making The Promise. I scream at the top of my lungs.

"Promise to love me, Ryn. Say it before the Moon."

"Go to hell!"

"That's alright," his pupils dilate and his teeth elongate. It's a hideous sight. "My love will suffice for both of us."

He sinks his teeth into my neck and I scream. First, there's blinding, excruciating pain. Then, this wave of pleasure washes over me and I scream, but not in pain this time. It feels like a long, shuddering o****m, but deeper than that. It's almost like it's spiritual. He retracts his teeth and smirks. "Tell me how it feels, Ryn."

I can't even speak. It's like my body has stopped functioning. It's so intense tears spill from my eyes. He laughs and tears the dress. Cold air cools my body, but it isn't enough. There's a volcano erupting within me. Kyle picks me up and walks back to the house. The walk is long, but I'm not paying attention to it. I'm staring at the sky, at the crescent lighting the dark. How could you do this to me? I say to the Moon. How could you let this happen? Why choose both of them? Why this?

I see the lights of the house in my periphery. They're getting closer. It stings my eyes and when I close them, I lose consciousness.

wake up next to him in his bed.

I'm naked and the sheets covering my body are thin and transparent. Sunlight pours into the room and my eyes sting. I rub them, but lifting my arms hurts my shoulders. I look down and there's dried blood on my arm and chest, no doubt from the bite. I fainted yesterday, that much I remember. But what happened afterward?

Oh, no. I remember. I remember every single detail. 

"Did you sleep well, my love?"

I want to jeer at him, but I can't. Something inhibits me from doing so. I run my neck and pain radiates down my arm. I don't say a thing to him. I simply get out of bed and I make my way to his bathroom. I want to lock the door, but there's no lock on the door.

How convenient for him. I stare at my reflection in the mirror and I gasp. I almost don't recognize myself. There are dark circles under my eyes my skin is pale. As white as the moon. I open the tap and wet a towel. I clean all the blood and the towel turns red. I don't care. I throw it on the ground and then I decide to take a shower. I need to wash Kyle off my skin. The thought of last night makes me nauseous and I get on my knees in front of the toilet bowl. I'm having a hard time registering all this. I try to think of Kilian, but there's no longing, no ache. It's like everything I ever felt for him disappeared. I heave again, but nothing comes out.

I close the lid and start running a bath. The water is scalding and it's exactly what I need to feel clean again. Kyle doesn't barge in, doesn't interrupt me and I'm thankful for that at least. I sit in the bath until it gets cold, then I drain the bathtub and fill it with water again. I don't ever want to leave this bathroom. I just want to stew in this bathtub and think about how f****d up my life is. I can't think of Kilian and it frustrates me. I try to remember the feel of his lips on mine, of his body against mine, but Kyle replaces him, and I know there's no difference between them but that scar. That damn scar haunts me.

"Oh, Kilian." If there ever was a connection between us, it's long gone now. There's so thing left of him in me, not a single remnant. I can't even think of him without Kyle obfuscating my thoughts. This must be what mating is. Kyle should be my everything now, my soul mate, but I'm fighting it with all my might and it's killing a part of me.

It's late afternoon when I finally leave the bathroom. My fingers and toes are wrinkled, and I walk into the room without a towel. I'm dropping water on the floor, but I just don't care. I hate this house now. These walls are caving in on me and there's nothing I can do about it. I want to rip this house apart brick by brick. I can't believe I never wanted to leave. I got what I deserved.

There's another dress waiting for me on the bed. It's green and made of silk. I grab it and rip it to pieces. It looked expensive. Good. It feels great to ruin something so beautiful. It's exactly what he did to my love for Kilian. He uprooted it and tossed it aside, and replaced it with a seedling of his own. It's more of a weed than a seed, but whatever. No one comes for me, and there's no note from Kyle. I sit naked on the floor and let the air dry my body. I must have fallen asleep because now I'm in the bed, tucked in, and it's nighttime. My neck aches when I turn it, so I stay in the same position. Kyle isn't here, and I sincerely hope he finds someplace else to sleep because if I find him here, I'll gouge his eyes out with my fingernails.

I wake up in the morning and I'm still alone. His scent is all over the place, but not on the pillow next to mine. I don't have the strength to do anything else. I fist his pillow and I throw it across the room. I try turning my neck, and it feels a bit better today. The closet is open, and there's a selection of clothes there. I want to stand and investigate and rip them to pieces, but I can't. Everything hurts now, and I can barely move a finger. I oscillate between waking and sleeping, but I'm not truly resting when I sleep. I wake up even more tired and disoriented and thirsty, but there's nothing I can do about it. I sleep again, and wake again, and sleep again.

On the third morning, I wake and see Kyle's face. It shocks me and I draw back. He looks awful. There are dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks look caved in. He shakes his head at me. "You're trying to kill us both, is that it?"

I groan. My voice is weak and raspy. "Go away."

"And let you waste away in that bed? You haven't eaten in three days. You can't keep this up. Look at yourself."

I glare at him. "Death is preferable to having to couple with someone like you. Don't you get that? I'd rather die than be mated with you."

He flinches and leaves the room without another word. I go back to sleep. I no longer feel hunger or pain. Just numbness. My dreams are terrible. I dream of Kilian screaming in agony and calling my name, but he can't see me and I can't show myself to him. I can only watch from a distance. I wake up with tears running down my face and his name on my lips. Is this what dying feels like? This feels a hell of a lot like it.

It feels like I'm floating and when I look around, I notice I'm being carried by strangers. I try to fight them but I have no strength in my limbs. Where are they taking me? Is this another dream or reality? I can't tell them apart anymore.

I see Claire's face hovering over mine. She rubs something on my face, something wet and cold. She moves her lips. I grow weak again and I pass out once more. I don't know where they're taking me, or what will happen to me. I'm giving up.

I dream of Kilian again and this time, he's burning. I watch the flames devour his body and there's nothing I can do about it. I fall to my knees and I wail for what could have been, for not being able to save him. It's like I'm burning with him.

Death is preferable.