The Moon's Choice

Sick

My eyes spring open.

I'm in a dark room that smells of herbs and dirty laundry. Someone is pacing around the room, and I see a hunched figure. Claire? Most probably. She's using a pestle and mortar and I wonder what she's pounding at. She pours a clear viscous liquid in it and then turns to me. She eyes me briefly, then begins running the paste on my chest. It's cool on my chest. The smell of it isn't bad, it just stings my nose. I keep my eyes on her, but she doesn't meet them once. She's focused on whatever she's doing to me and I don't say anything so I don't distract her.

When she's done, she leaves the room. People are standing outside the door, but then she closes the door and I'm plunged into darkness. I hear mumbling and whispering, and then the door opens once again. The light is switched on and I close my eyes. I open them gradually. Someone is standing right in front of me. I expect it to be her, but it's Kyle.

I narrow my eyes at him.

He looks horrible, even worse than the last time I saw him. It isn't that he's skinny or malnourished per se, it's his aura that's dark and hungry. The dark circles under his eyes are puffy and I've never seen him look this bad.

"Ryn, I'm glad you're awake. We almost lost you. When I went to see you upstairs, you weren't breathing."

I don't answer him.

"If you die, I'll die with you. Do you understand? I won't live without you."

Still no answer.

"Ryn, this remedy will keep you awake, but you need to eat something. Do it. If not for me, do it for Kilian." He says his brother's name with much difficulty. I can almost hear him scream in agony like in the dream. I close my eyes. I nod. He doesn't need any more reassurance.

Claire walks in with a bowl of chicken broth and feeds me. All I do is open, swallow, close. Kyle isn't in the room anymore and I'm thankful for that. My stomach fills and I gesture for her to stop. She obliges and leaves the room again. I sleep and dream of Kilian again. What does this dream even mean? Is this truly happening to him? Is he suffering this way because of me? I'm my dream, I feel his pain as if it were mine but at this moment, I don't feel anything and it kills me.

I wake up and Kyle is sitting on the bed. I realize that I'm in Claire's room. There are strange ornaments on the shelves and a weird smell. It isn't bad, just weird. I feel much better than yesterday, but I still feel weak. Kyle seems to be worsening by the day. He looks at me and shakes his head.

"Do you see what you're doing to us?" He gestures at his face. "Do you know why we look like corpses? It's because we're about two days away from death."

I lick my parched lips. "Good, then."

"This isn't a game!" He shouts, but I don't even recoil. I'm not afraid of him. "We bonded and didn't consummate it. You need to consummate it within a week. Now, this doesn't usually happen. No couple ever goes without consummating, they usually do it on the first night."

I just stare at him.

"But you, you're lying to yourself. There's nothing left of Kilian in you. He's gone. There's only me and you know it."

I point a trembling finger at him. "Shut your mouth. You started this. I never wanted to bond with you. You thought you could take me against my will, so now you'll suffer the consequences. I don't mind dying, Kyle. You, on the other hand, you're too selfish for even death."

He grabs my arms and twists it behind my back. It hurts, but I don't make a sound. "We're in this deplorable state because I refuse to force myself on you. I want you to come willingly, Ryn. You're right, I have no intention of dying yet. So make up your mind. You'll give yourself up willingly, or I'll take you without your consent."

He releases me and I fall back on the bed. "You abominable bastard."

"Choose," he says as he walks out the door. "I'll be back in two days."

I scream at the closed door. Claire comes in a few hours later and feeds me more broth. I eat greedily. I didn't think I could be this hungry. I lie back down on the pillows and stare at the wall. The thought of being with Kyle makes me shudder violently. My body's asking for him, no, begging for him, but my mind won't allow him in. It's Kilian I'm focusing on. Kilian, with his kind smile and lost look, his hearty laugh, and his gentle caresses. His dizzying kisses, his warm embrace. Kyle is nothing like his brother. Their resemblance is physical, only. Emotionally, they're completely different people. He was trying to act like Kilian when I first came here, but it was only an act. The real Kyle is dominant, manipulative, competitive. A whole f*****g narcissist.

I don't sleep at all this night. All I can do is think and reminisce. I'm growing weaker by the day and today, I can't even move my upper body. The door swings open and hit the wall. I already know it's Kyle. He didn't keep true to his promise about returning in two days. He stumbles into the room and rips his shirt off.

"I've come to take what's mine. I won't let you kill me."

I don't say a word. He peels the comforter off and positions himself on top of me. He enters me and it's like we both return to life, and the bond is complete. I feel him in my bones now, and Kilian is rapidly receding. I cry out in pain and disgust and lust. He doesn't even finish, just rolls off me and leaves without looking back.

I resumed staring at the wall. I close my eyes and think of Kilian touching me, but it physically hurts. I cry out for him. Will I ever see him again? Now that my bond with Kyle is complete, will we ever have the opportunity to love each other again? Will it ever be like it used to?

Claire comes into the room and sits by my side. She rubs my back, then runs her fingers through my hair, then lowers my head onto her lap. This is the first time she shows any sort of affection towards me, and I'm grateful. I hold onto her and I cry for Kilian, cry for our interrupted story.

I wonder where he is right now, and I wonder what he must be feeling. The thought of him suffering hurts me mentally, but not physically.

"How did this ever happen, Claire? It's Kilian I love. Why would the Moon do this to me?"

She places her hand over my mouth. I'm not supposed to say such things. If the Moon willed it, then so be it. But I don't care. I'll never stop lamenting. I'll never stop thinking about Kilian. I'll fight this bond from hell. Kyle won't ever have my undivided attention. I'll show him Kilian still has a place in my heart, even if the bond deleted all traces of him from me.

We'll see.

A week passes. It was a difficult week, full of challenges and struggles. On the third day, I was strong enough to stand. I was emaciated and Claire tended to me the entire time. Her broths strengthened me and practically brought me back to life. Well, that and Kyle taking me against my will. After our bond formed, my skin started clearing and the same dark circles under my eyes started disappearing.

On the fifth day, I left Claire's room returned to my old bedroom. There's no way I'll share Kyle's bed. Now that we've consummated the bond, we don't have to have s*x any more and it's a relief. There's no more urgency. It isn't a life or death situation anymore, so he never comes to see me. It's been this way for seven days. And I don't mind. This is exactly what I want. Distance from him is what I need. I need to sort this out in my head and get used to the fact that Kilian is no longer my mate. But this doesn't make things easier. There's a hole where he once was, and I have to force myself to think about him, or I fear I'll forget him completely.

I don't leave the bedroom. Ever. I don't venture downstairs, and I have only been seeing Claire this entire time. I wake up in the mornings and shower, and after my shower, there's always food waiting for me on a tray on top of the bed. The closet is filled with clothes, designer clothes, and silky pajamas, but I don't wear anything. I wear a bathrobe and that's enough for me. I don't want anything that comes from him. There's jewelry in a box on my vanity, and bottles of expensive perfume and hair products. I don't touch anything. Even eating his food is killing me, but I need to strengthen up. I lost a tremendous amount of weight during that week, and I need to recover. Where do they get the money for all this, I wonder?

I don't know who delivers the food in the morning, I only know it's there every single day, and Claire takes the tray when she comes to check up on me. We're closer than ever, but even though we can't communicate with words, we communicate with glances and hand gestures. She's being the mother I never had, and I'm grateful for her presence. I used to tend to myself when I was sick when I was younger. My mother was always somewhere with a man, drinking and smoking like there would be no tomorrow. It's a wonder I survived my childhood years in that infested house with spoilt food and no clean water. But here, Claire takes care of me and sometimes I feel such immense gratitude that I cry when she pets me. I wonder where all the hate she used to feel towards me went, but I don't ask for fear of reminding her. She's the person I trust most here and I don't want to risk losing her. I no longer hold anything against her. I forget the past. It's better that way.

She brings me lunch and dinner, but I always skip dinner. I can't eat large amounts of food anymore, and besides, I eat but I have no appetite. She gives me herbal teas that improve my appetite so I eat a little more every day.

On the eighth day, I feel Kyle's presence in the room. I open my eyes and sure enough, he's staring at me. He looks good, not like he did the week before. The circles under his eyes are gone. He's dressed in a white shirt and dress pants, as usual. He's glaring at me and I glare back.

"How long do you plan on keeping this up?"

"Forever."

He laughs, but without humor. "You're impossible."

"I'm not doing this to spite you. I don't want to be with you, end of the story." I'm shouting. "Get that through your thick skull."

"You're trying to fight the Moon. You'll be defeated. You can't fight what she decreed, what she witnessed. Our bond is made, Ryn, and there's nothing you can do about it. You'll be in my bed in no time."

I sneer. "We'll see."

He's about to walk out when something occurs to me. This is the first time I'm seeing him in a long time, and I have no doubts that he overheard my conversation with Patrick. If he truly was my mate, like Kilian was, he sensed what we were discussing, which is why he followed me into the woods. Whatever happened to Patrick? I don't think he would let that slide. "Where's your Beta, Kyle?" I ask unabashedly.

He turns around. "He's been dealt with accordingly for betraying his Alpha, don't you worry about it."

I sit up, concerned, and afraid. "What did you do to him?"

"Since you're so interested, I'll tell you. I exiled him. I should have killed him as the law states, but I decided to be merciful and spare his life. We grew up together, you know, and I'm not the monster you think I am." He explains this with a shrug. I'm relieved he wasn't killed.

"You're worse than a monster, Kyle."

"I'll prove you wrong eventually, sweet Ryn. You'll see."

He shuts the door and I'm left alone with my thoughts. He's so confident that I'll run to his bed. Sure, the bond connects me to him and I feel his emotions and desires all the time. I can tell when he's brooding when he's angry, and when he's relieving himself with a female in his bed. He's been doing it a lot recently, and I wonder if it's the same girl. I know he's doing it on purpose, to provoke me, and it's working. I can't tune him out and it makes me grit my teeth. Whether I like it or not, or admit it or not, it bothers me that he's with another. It's inevitable, and it's all because of this wretched bond.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, it's like he's calling me. I feel his want for me and I have the urge to go to him. I have to fight it with all my might. I would ask Claire to lock me in at night, but no door in this house has a lock. Not one.

I hope he feels my hate and my fury. I hope he knows I'm thinking about Kilian all night. It's probably driving him insane. That's exactly what I want.

Claire comes with my lunch and she sits beside me until I finish. I wish I could tell her everything's that accumulating inside of me. This entire situation with Kyle is bothersome. I'm trying my absolute best, but I know that deep down I will end up in his bed at some point, just like he said I would.

Every day is getting harder and harder, and it leaves me mentally and physically exhausted. Kilian still haunts my dreams, but he doesn't agonize any more. I wonder what he's been doing this entire time. I hope Xathan didn't kill him. I hope he's still alive. Maybe someday, we'll meet again, and I'll explain this misunderstanding to him. Kyle tricked me. I never wanted him. Kilian was my true mate, I don't care what he says.

I feel a spark of anger and I know it's Kyle. So he's monitoring my thoughts. Good. I sit back and close my eyes, and think of everything Kilian and I have been through. Everything.

He howls in anger and I laugh for the first time in weeks.