The Moon's Choice

New Reality

Today's a full moon and I've been so concerned with everything else that I didn't even realize it until I heard a whisper in the wind about preparations for the Full Moon Feast outside my window. I've been sweating the entire day. Claire knows this, and she hands me a warm drink that calms me a little and makes me feel better. But the shift is going to happen, I can sense this, and having to face this without Kilian brings tears to my eyes.

I remember the fear I felt acutely. But he was there by my side and my fear vanished. Who will comfort me this time? Who will be my reassurance in the dark?

Just like the last time, the hours seem to be flying now. There's a clock in this room, and it doesn't stop ticking. My symptoms are worsening, just like the first time, and I'm running a fever. Claire stops by and runs a cold bath for me, but it doesn't cool me down. I warm the water. There's nothing we can do to avoid this. I'm shifting tonight, and I don't know what to expect.

Night falls quicker than I anticipated. My vision is blurry and I feel sick to my stomach. I clutch it as I walk out. I need help, but there's no one around. Sometimes it feels like no one else lives here. There are so many bedrooms on this floor but it's like they're vacant. Like nobody sleeps here. Do they? It's hard to tell when I haven't left in so long, and I don't monitor the halls.

I descend the stairs. The halls are all empty. I whimper with pain. Won't somebody help me?

I feel prickles of pain down my spine as I walk out the front door. I head for the woods. There's no one around, just like the night I almost ran, but I fall to my knees before I reach the forest and my bones start snapping, and thick fur sprouts from my pores. I clench my teeth and ride the pain.

After I shift, I run into the woods. I'm not as confused as the first time, but it's still something foreign to me, knowing I'm caged inside a wolf. It's me, but at the same time it isn't and that's what kills me.

Someone whispers my name in my ear and instinctively, I know it's the Moon. Something flashes quickly before my eyes, like a vision of some kind, but when I blink it disappears. I look at the sky and howl. I run frantically, but I don't plan on running away from the House. Something is anchoring me to it and I know it's my bond with Kyle.

Of course, Kyle isn't that far behind. I should have known he would come. I knew. He's telling me to stop but I'm ignoring him. I run faster.

He starts chasing me and I run from him. It isn't like with Kilian. I wasn't bonded to him, but I felt safe around him. It isn't the same as with Kyle. With him, I have to trust him and I have to love him, but something stops me from doing so. I'm compelled to accept him as my soul mate, but I just can't. I refuse to let Kilian die in my heart. Not without a fight.

He growls a command at me and I stop. I flatten my ears as he makes his way to me, and he bares his teeth at me. I whine and lower myself to the ground. He stands tall and proud, large and black furred like his brother, but without the serenity, the compassion. They're like the two sides of the Moon, one light and bright, and the other dark and hidden.

He presses his muzzle to mine and I move away. He growls and I move towards him again. Why does he have this much power over me? Is it because he's my mate, or because he's the Alpha? But I'm not a SilverMoon, I didn't swear to be loyal to him. He shouldn't have this much command over me.

The scar is a white line above his eye. He licks his teeth and then starts licking me. I have no choice but to let him, but I won't deny it feels good. It's comforting and reminds me of when Kilian did it to me. Kyle emits a warning growl, and I know I need to put a hamper on my thoughts of Kilian. Just for now. He's very close to me, so he can sense my thoughts.

I'm hungry again, but not for food. Kyle senses this and shifts back to human form. He's naked and there's sweat running down his body. I think of how easy it would be to attack him now that's he's so vulnerable. I could sink my teeth in his flesh and satiate my hunger.

He puts a hand up. "Don't even think about it, Ryn. I can shift in a second. Trust me, you'll regret it."

He nears me and starts caressing my fur. "You're beautiful," he says. He scratches behind my ears and I wag my tail. I will it to stop, and he chuckles.

"Shift," he commands, and I feel pain again. I melt back into my human form and I'm breathing hard. I'm naked, too. He lowers down to my level and takes my chin between his fingertips. "Did you think I would let you wander the woods on your own, lost and afraid?"

I'm having a hard time catching my breath. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did."

He caresses my face. "I wouldn't do that to you. Even though you're undeserving of my love, you're still my mate. I Marked you."

"You're so full of yourself," I push his hand away. "I'm undeserving of your love? You tricked me. You knew I loved your brother, yet you still bit me. How will I ever forgive you for that?"

"I already told you, you were my mate, too. How could I let him have you without a fight?"

"That wasn't a fight, that was cowardice."

"All's fair in love and war. Didn't I tell you that before?" He's touching me again and it's dizzying. I swat his hand away, but it keeps coming back.

"Stop touching me. Will you take me against my will again?"

"You want me to touch you, Ryn. I know you do. I can sense all your feelings, your thoughts, just as you can sense mine. We're one."

"Why don't you go to one of your w****s and take them instead? That's what you've been doing this whole time, isn't it?"

"To provoke you, but it's not them I truly want. My blood sings when you're near me." He grabs my waist and I go willingly to him. Traitorous body. My flesh is betraying me. I straddle him and he teases my breasts with his tongue. I want him, but I don't. I need him, but I shouldn't. It's a never-ending conflict.

He stands and carries me back to the house. I don't fight him, I can't tonight. He will do as he pleases with me, and I have no choice but to let him and enjoy it.

Damn you, Moon. Damn you.

When I wake up, I remember everything that happened last night. Everything. We didn't stop once, and my body is marked with his teeth and his nails. It'll all heal soon, I know that. But still, whenever I look at them, they serve as a reminder of what transpired between us. I feel his hand on my waist, but I get out of bed.

There's a mirror in the bathroom, but I can't look at myself right now. Is this the same person who vowed to love Kilian forever and is now riding his brother till sunrise? It can't be. I don't recognize this Ryn. This Ryn is a traitor and a liar. She belongs to Kyle. The one who belongs to Kilian is somewhere inside of me screaming for help.

I enter the shower and I opt for cold water. I'm burning on the inside and I need something to cool it down. Kyle comes into the bathroom and joins me in the shower. He towers over me and I feel his hands on my waist.

"You can't deny it, Ryn. Stop fighting with yourself. It's me you want." I know he's right, but how can I just let go of Kilian? How do I give up on what we had?

"Stop thinking about him."

"I can't."

"Then try."

He kisses my neck and then bends me over. I'm disgusted with myself, this lust. Disgusted at the way my body reacts to his touch. I close my eyes and wait for it to end. He grabs a towel and pats me dry. Then he opens the closet and picks a random dress for me. I don't even notice it's detailed. He puts it over my head and tugs it down.

Then, he kisses my neck.

"Join me for breakfast in my office."

How do I say no after last night? And this morning? I lost. I gave it to him. Declining his invitation won't change that. The marks on my body are proof of my defeat.

I follow him wordlessly. There are two trays on the table. I wash the lump on my throat down with orange juice. He looks content and smug, but he's trying to hide it. He knows I could drawback in my shell and ignores him for another week, and he doesn't want that. I see no point in fighting something inevitable. I won't fight him anymore. I surrender. It's too painful, having to betray Kilian time and time again. I'd rather just forget he ever existed, and live this unhappy life with Kyle.

"Eat," he commands, and I do so automatically. Now that I've let him in, it's gotten harder to push him out. I finish the toast, but I leave the omelet. He eyes it distastefully but doesn't comment.

"What do you want to do today?"

I shrug. "It doesn't matter."

"I'll ask Harriet to give you a massage. You need it after last night."

I wince when he mentions last night and he notices. He sighs. I wish I could grow wings and fly away from this mess. Things were easier with Kilian. They were difficult at first when I left my life with Ryan behind, but now life is impossible.

I leave his office and I return to the bedroom. I lie down, but I can't sleep. I stay awake and think about Kilian, of the camp. I wonder how things are going there. Does Bailey miss me? I think of the dress she was supposed to make for my mating ceremony with Kilian. That lovely material. I can't believe I won't ever wear that dress. We had so many plans, and Kyle flushed them all down the drain for his selfish reasons. I wish I could hate him, but I can't. Something forbids me from hating him, and I'm sure it's the f*****g bond.

I think of Justin, killed by Kyle's pack mates. He deserved it, I won't feel sorry for him. Ever since I rejected him, he was trying to make my life miserable. And Daniel, who whipped me mercilessly with silver. I had bad and good moments there, and all my good moments were with Kilian. If I could preview the future, would I have wasted so much time hating him and pushing him away? Would I have asked him where he went every day? I would never leave his side. This is all Xathan's fault, but then again Kyle already had males waiting for the perfect opportunity to take me to him. Maybe all this was inevitable.

What do they think happened to me? Jada was my friend, too. Would they care if I died? Would they spare me a second thought? Is Kilian there now, or somewhere else and if he is there, what did Xathan tell him. Did he tell him I ran away again? But Kilian knew I would never run, not after we got together. I'd never betrayed him like that. But I did betray him with his brother, and it's abominable. He will never forgive me for this. Never. And I won't forgive myself.

Lunch comes and goes. I sit next to him at the table and the entire pack looks at me. I don't look at anyone. There's someone new sitting on his left, most likely his new Beta, but he doesn't introduce him and I don't ask. Of course, I don't. I don't say a word to him throughout lunch, but he keeps sparing glances at me, tries to analyze my face.

I go back to my bedroom, but there's nothing there. Everything has been moved. I find a female outside his room and she tells me she received orders directly from him. She's pretty. Curly red hair, soft blue eyes. I wonder if he's slept with her before, and my heart clenches painfully even though my brain couldn't possibly care less.

She explains that he ordered to have my things moved to the master suite. I thank her. I don't fight him on this. I've given up on that. This shell of me has nothing else to give. His bed is huge and his room more luxurious than the others.

He pats on the spot next to his. "Come, Ryn. Let's celebrate."

I go to him. It's a celebration for him but defeats me. He knows this, but he's ignoring it well. I sit in the place next to his and he pinches my thigh. "We'll make all of our pups in this bed. How does that feel?"

I look at him with a blank expression. He grabs my face and kisses me. I kiss him back.

What else can I do?