INTERLUDE: IN HER HEAD, HE LOVES HER
1556 Words
Still years ago…
“Amira! Suliana! Your friend Gon is here!”
Suliana almost fell off her bed after she heard that. She quickly ran in front of the mirror, brushed her hair using her fingers. Her reflection on the mirror showed a woman with a smile as wide as a river, her cheeks as pink as petals.
“Suliana!”
“Coming, akir!” Suliana said. She opened the bottle of perfume on the table in front of the mirror. There was also a ceramic bowl there full of sticks. She picked one and with hands shaking with excitement, slid the stick in the bottle, then pulled it out to rub the damp end of the stick on her neck and on her wrist.
When she was sure that she’s smelled like a nymph, she ran off the room but stub her toe on the edge of the wooden door. Pain crawled in her entire body like an insect and an expletive came out of her mouth. She bit her lip, her pinky tingling with pain.
Calm down, Suliana. Calm down.
She took a deep breath and smiled. She nodded and decided she was okay now and she had to see Gon.
She walked down the stairs and she saw Gon in the living room, looking at the model of a human skeleton standing at the left side of the room like a bizarre decoration. His back was turned to her so he couldn’t see her. She was about to call his attention when her father grabbed her arm and pulled her to the kitchen. She mewled.
“What is it, akir?” Suliana said. “Gon is waiting.”
Her akir sniffed. He sighed. “Can’t you be any more obvious?”
“What?” Suliana said, then sniffed too. “I always smell like this.”
“You’re my daughter Suliana, and I’m not going to lie, but when it’s winter and you don’t want to take a bath, you smell like a sock.”
Suliana swatted her father on the shoulder. “He might hear you.”
“Suliana he’s a…”
“Nice young man,” she said. “And he’s waiting for me.”
“Fine,” her akir said. “Go to him then.”
Suliana smiled, mouthed, “I love you.” Her akir shook his head to that. She turned away from him and walked back to the living room. Gon was no longer fiddling with the skeleton model. He was looking at her. He smiled and the mythical angels of heaven were envious.
“Where’s Camia?” Suliana pretended as if she didn’t know that he was alone. If Camia was here, his father would mention Camia’s name as well. Suliana sat beside Gon and she saw his nose wrinkled, in a manner that told her he liked her smell.
“She’s not here,” Gon said with a smile. “I… I wanted to see just you.”
Suliana couldn’t help the whimper that escaped from her lips.
“What was that?” Gon said.
Suliana’s face burned. “Did you fart?”
“No.”
“Maybe I did,” Suliana said. And she almost slapped herself after.
Gon blinked. “Okay.”
“So… why do you want to see me?”
They rarely hang out separately. Camia will always be there with them. She was sure though that sometimes, he and Camia would hang out alone. Suliana felt some pain thinking about that, though she also hangs out with Camia alone.
“I need your help,” Gon said.
“My help?”
And Suliana blushed upon remembering the romance novel she read last night. She still thought romance novels are stupid--but she still can’t stop reading them. Lately, she started reading romance novels with intense intimacy, with s*x being an essential plot point.
Her crazy mind imagined he would say that he wanted her help with his erection. Then he would pull down his pants exposing his underwear, rising with the bulge of his manhood. He would hold her trembling hand and put it on the top of his bulge and she would feel it move against her palm, twitch, and poke her like it is alive.
Suliana bit her lip to keep herself from imagining more, even though she wanted to imagine more.
“I’m willing to help,” Suliana said. “Just… just say how I can and… I’d do it.”
Gon smiled. Then he said something that destroyed her from within. “Help me court Camia.”
***
“What?” Suliana asked. She blinked a lot of times as if doing that would take power off the words that wounded her. “You…”
“Suliana… I have loved Camia since we were young.” He said that while looking at her in the eye. Suliana wondered if he knew that it was like they were in a duel, and he was looking at her in the eye while piercing her heart with a sword. “When I see her smile, it’s like a thousand small explosions are happening in my body. I die a little at the times when we’re having a fight.”
Suliana bit her lip and then nodded. She looked past Gon, stared at the wall behind him. She wanted to blur him somehow.
“I’m sorry I kept this from you. I was not at the right age to have an irog then. But now, I am ready. And I want to express my feelings for Camia. I want to tell her how much she means to me.”
“I understand,” Suliana said. All the while she was convincing herself not to cry. “So… you want to woo her?”
“Yes,” Gon said with utter certainty. “Can you help me?”
Suliana looked down on her lap. Her hands were clenched into fists. “I don’t know what to say…”
“You’re a woman. You can help me. I’m sure she told you things that she doesn’t want to tell me.” Gon said. “And you read those romance novels… so I know you have an idea how a man should court a woman…”
[But you see, Gon, when I read those books, I imagine you and me. You… courting me. You hugging me, kissing me, owning me… branding me. I melt in your arms but only in my head. I tasted your tongue but only in my head. I felt you inside me, but damn, it’s only in my crazy head. And now you hurt me and it’s not just in my head and that’s the most awful part of it.]
[How the pleasure of your love can be imaginary but the pain that you bring is something real.]
“Can you help me, Suliana? Please?”
Suliana swallowed a lump on her throat before looking up, meeting Gon’s gaze. She saw what would happen if he and Camia get together. How she’d be an intruder to all of their moments. How she’ll watch Gon hug and kiss Camia and wish that he would do that to her, too. How she’d bleed inside every time but would not be able to say anything about it.
Suliana made a decision.
“I can’t help you, Gon,” she said.
“What?” Gon said, stunned. “Why?”
“Because you’re right, she told me things she never told you… and…” She was surprised how the lie slipped out of her mouth so easily it felt as if it was the truth. “She told me she likes this guy…”
“She likes someone?” said Gon. He looked hurt. His eyes suddenly looked glassy, his cheeks red with impending tears.
So Suliana continued.
“Yes… and it isn’t you. I’m so sorry,” Suliana said, trying to sound sympathetic. “She wants somebody else, Gon. And if you court her, I’m afraid you might ruin the friendship you had with her for a long time.”
Gon recoiled upon hearing that. A tear fell from his eye. He gave he a slight nod and he tried to smile. “I guess you really can’t help me then.”
“Gon, I’m sorry…” Suliana knew why she was saying those words and it was not because she was sorry for him.
“It’s okay.” Gon said, squeezed her hand and gave it a kiss. “It’s okay.”
Suliana pulled him to her and hugged him. He accepted the gesture and even hugged her back.
In Suliana’s head, the hug happened because he loves her.
- Writer
