#52
1489 Words
How can he be like this? He is telling me things as if I am the one who did wrong. I never did anything wrong. I was the one who had to suffer everything.
And he is telling me things like this.
I am sure this is also his plan. He is thinking something or the other. I am pretty much sure about this.
He is just thinking about himself only. Yes!
Why is he like this?
And just look at his audacity, he was talking all type of s**t.
He is just insane.
The thing which said to me is not at all acceptable.
What if he does this in reality.
What will I do?
Yes! What will I do? If he does what he said?
Yes! I will not be able to take that. I will not be able to do that.
He cannot force anything on me.
He cannot force anything on me.
Yes! I just cannot do this.
Will he really do that to me.
How can he do s*x with me?
Samaira, you are his wife. He can do.
But a s*x without consent is r**e. Even if it is between a husband and wife. Yes! He cannot do anything.
Even if he is planning to do so, I will not at all let him do.
What does he think of himself?
Is he out of his mind?
I shall complain about this to mum.
Samaira?
Yes, mum.
You did not go.
Go, where mum?
You did not go your office?
Mum, actually I am having holidays.
It is good dear.
You have been busy for so many days.
You should spend quality time with Shlok.
Yes! You should.
It has been days you guys have not enjoyed quality time.
I guess you both should plan something.
Yes, you both should plan to visit somewhere or you should go for dine.
Mum, it is okay.
Why are you seeming so boring?
Do not think so much, my son is not that boring. He will not bore you.
Mum…
Ah! Samaira..
Consider my words and do plan something.
Dear Samaira, enough of it. Please put a halt to it.
Halt to what?
Halt to everything. Every nuisance which is going on.
Why do I put halt to everything?
I just cannot.
Do you want to carry this nuisance ahead?
I am not at all the one who is causing this. So, stop blaming me.
Yeah! I know you are not the one who is causing this. I am the one.
So darling Samaira, I plead before you.
I am not going to do anything to you. You also do not do anything to me.
That is, it.
Yes! Ok.
I am not going to do anything.
Done.
Yes better.
Samaira do you not think we can be friends again?
Yes, we can but there is nothing such left.
What?
What did you say?
I said nothing.
I am just telling, we cannot be friends.
Why?
Everything was fine before. Then what is wrong now?
Why do you not want to be friends.
See I do not want to explain anything to you.
So please forget it.
Let the things go the way it is going.
And mind you do not expect anything from me.
I will not be able to give you anything.
I will not be able to satisfy you.
I shall rebel, if you do anything such to me.
Hey listen.
What do you think of ypurself?
You are lost in your world madam.
So, please just wake up from your deepest slumber.
Just wake up.
How can you be like this.
I am not at all interested in you. s*x with you… Hahaa…
My foot. I have number of things to do apart from this. So just forget it.
Samaira just chill. Do not think so much.
Take a chill pill.
We do not share any husband and wife type of relationship. Nothing we have like that. Some couples have a perfect lifestyle but in our relationship, there is nothing much. We do not have any relationship also. Everything which we had is ruined now. I do not know how far this will go but there is nothing that will excite us.
A child we have, that also is not Shlok’s child. He is Arnav’s son. No one knows about this except my mother. She was the one who got to know about this first. How can I forget that? I do not know how to say the truth about this to everyone.
Especially hiding this from mum is not at all done. Mum is very affable. She loves me more than my mother. I realot feel good about doing so. I do wish there was nothing much. If I had that clue, I would have not done anything from the first.
But what to do know. I cannot do anything. Coming from that point to here, I cannot afford to do anything like that. Things will worsen more. Which will break many hearts. I just cannot afford that.
Shlok's the point of view
You no longer have any zest for life, no interest in anything, you do not miss me or what?
The conversation is one-way, no questions are asked and responses to anything I might pose are one syllable (paired with a grunt and a roll of the eyes). Meals have only ever been cooked by me and you have never attempted to prepare anything, for me. You are not here.
I have asked that you try but to no avail. At night, we lie side by side, never touching, never speaking. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore, my tears don’t get me anywhere, no one can hear.
The pressure is often more than I can bear. I want to scream: ‘Where is my girl, I fell in love with?’
You haven’t touched me since the conception of our only child. All I want is to be held, to be brought a cup of tea in the morning, to be told I am appreciated, to enjoy life’s simple adventures with the woman I am meant to share my life and my world with. You are irritated by any plans I make to ensure our free time as a family is spent as best we can together. All you want to do is sleep.
We both work full-time and we both earn the same but you treat me as your intellectual inferior. When your workday has finished, however, mine continues the moment I walk through the door of our house.
Laundry, preparing meals for the children, food shopping, Aidwik’s homework, buying presents for parties, constant reminders. You do everything. Then why do you do this to me? The pressure is often more than I can bear. I want to scream: “Where is the woman I fell in love with?”
The pain is almost palpable when we are among people who are very much in love. The slightest touch that speaks volumes, a kiss on the neck which induces the saddest feeling within me simply in the knowledge that you will never do that to me. I need moments like those; they should be my fuel rather than the anger that now replaces the love that once was.
My friends acknowledge that I am in a hopeless situation and I freely accept that I have allowed it to get this bad. When I have mentioned it to my parents, the response is always, “Darling, she works very hard, please don’t put pressure on her.” I don’t respond. I want to weep and my heart breaks a little bit more.
I am scared that my child, Aidwik does not get hurts. I wish he does not get hurts. I want my boy to be raised in a world where he gets everything. I do not want my son to feel that we do not love him. it is acceptable to allow a mother to do everything, where snapping is acceptable communication, a world where love isn’t everyone’s priority. It isn’t acceptable for only mum. I also want to do it for my son.
Your approach to life is the antithesis of mine. I want to laugh until it hurts; I don’t remember the last time you laughed. I want to run into your arms when you come home, and I want you to run into mine. I want to share the load.
I am so sad. For you. For me. For our child. For the life that we were meant to have together. But I can’t stay for the sake of the child; I know it would only prolong an increasingly unbearable agony. I always thought I was unbreakable, but continuing down this road will surely break me. Please don’t let that happen. Please let’s just hold our hands up, admit defeat, and walk away as friends.
- Writer
