JOURNAL OF A POPSTAR

Yes24 Live Hall venue.... Gangnam station..7:00AM I stood at the middle of the stage. Chaeyoung.... chaeyoung!!! The chanting were all for me, they gave me courage to continue, something I never thought I had, but when the music began to play, all I could hear was the sound of the smooth rhythm of my heart and suddenly my voice in the air. "In the shadows of your gaze, I lost my way 너의 시선 그림자 속에서, 나는 길을 잃었어 Thought it was love, now it's just regret 사랑인 줄 알았는데, 이제는 후회뿐이야 Your voice echoes, my heart's in pain 네 목소리가 울려, 내 가슴은 아파 Why did you leave me, why did you go away? 왜 나를 떠났니, 왜 가버렸니? Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Left me with nothing but this hollow sound 빈 소리만 남기고 떠나갔니 I gave you my heart, I trusted you 내 마음을 줬는데, 널 믿었는데 Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Memories haunt me, tears fall like rain 추억이 나를 괴롭히고, 눈물이 비처럼 내려 I thought we had a love that would remain 우리 사랑이 남을 줄 알았는데 But now I'm left with just a name 이제 이름만 남았어 Why did you leave me, with this heart in shame? 왜 나를 창피하게 만들고 떠났니? Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Left me with nothing but this hollow sound 빈 소리만 남기고 떠나갔니 I gave you my heart, I trusted you 내 마음을 줬는데, 널 믿었는데 Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Time may pass, but my love won't fade 시간이 지나도, 내 사랑은 사라지지 않아 I'll hold on to the love we made 우리 만든 사랑을 간직할게 But why, oh why, did you let me down? 하지만 왜, 왜 나를 실망시켰니? I'm trying to move on, but you're still here 이젠 떠나가고 싶지만, 넌 여전히 여기 있어 A ghost of what we had, a bittersweet tear 우리가졌던 것의 그림자, 씁쓸한 눈물 I'll learn to let go, I'll find my way 놓는 법을 배우고, 내 길을 찾을게 But why did you let me down, why did you go away? 하지만 왜 나를 실망시켰니, 왜 가버렸니? Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Left me with nothing but this hollow sound 빈 소리만 남기고 떠나갔니 I gave you my heart, I trusted you 내 마음을 줬는데, 널 믿었는데 Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? Now I'm left with just a memory 이제 기억만 남았어 A love that's lost, a heart that's free 잃어버린 사랑, 자유로운 가슴 Why did you let me down? 왜 나를 실망시켰니? I'll survive, but why did you go. 살아남겠지만, 왜 넌 가버렸니? " I repeated each part going around the stage, laughing and waving to the crowd, even though all I felt was broken, even though the pieces of my heart was in shatters now, I couldn't help but smile at the moment, my fans gave me love, they supported me in times like this and right now I needed their chants. "We love you chaeyoung!!." A fan screamed and tears trickled In my eyes, I finally had something to love and something that gave me joy . My manager gave me a signal to round up at back stage so I addressed the city one last time. Thank you Seoul!!, I took a scream through the mike and gave my last bow before leaving the stage. "You were amazing." My manager came rushing to me with some water and a napkin, the rest of the crew gathered me like a wave of oceans, splattering my face with powder and shoving some drinks into my mouth. Some men with suit came immediately they were done. "Mrs choi, the car is ready to leave." I nodded at the men and pushed through the crew to follow them, I was coming back to the pain that I know I could never escape, the moment last for a while but then reality appears again. At the hospital..... "Min-ji, your finally here, where have you been." Yeon-seo; my best friend, came rushing to me in the halls, her arms wide open to give me a hug. I took a deep breath with a smile on my face, right now my name was Min-ji choi, a young teenager,shy, naive. And a highschool student of Seoul high, in the district of Seocho-gu in seoul. Yeon-seo or any of my friends might not know of my fame, just a little secret with my family, but she knew very much of my pain, and the reason why I was here. Immediately her arms crashed to mine, I broke down In tears, all my esteem suddenly shattered. She brought my neck to her shoulder and rubbed my back in a comfort, she was like the elder sister I never had, she led me to the hospital room my mom was in and sat me down gently on the stool beside the bed. "Min-ji, look don't cry your mom is fine." I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my eyes but then my mom stretched out her hand that had lines of drip connected to a machine, the sound of the device only brought me to more tears. I didn't know what they were discussing through eye signal but soon Yeon-seo patted my back and left me and my mom alone. " See Min-ji, am alive and well, they just called you for a trick emergency, I needed to see my daughter face." My mom laughed, nothing about this was funny, they say she was gasping for air a moment ago so I rushed In immediately after the show, she knows where she was but she never falters when am around. She pulled me closer towards the bed, her mouth and my ears where now In close contact. "How was the concert.... Did Jimin and you fight again." My mom nudged at me and giggled. "Umma, I told you I don't like that boy." I covered my face in shame for her to stop, still not knowing why my cheeks was going to a blush all because of that name. Jimin; the head rock singer in the kpop band, luminous and my rival in music industry sensation, his songs always had a way to intertwine with mine making people want us to sing together, they call us the love bed of music all because I was caught outside a concert one day with me in his arms. That was the most embarrassing day ever, he was pestering me of why I always treat him so distant when he clearly had not realized his pride ego and I tripped, he caught me in an instant when the paparazzi arrived, the whole world saw that and my mom, now they where making rumors of us dating and come on am only sixteen and that jerk should be something of eighteen. "I didn't say you like him, but who am I to stop you from bringing it up." My mom smirked dangling her hair like a two years old. " Umma!!, we need to stop talking about this things, people would hear us." I whispered and she nodded, it was only my mom and dad that knew me as chaeyoung; the famous popstar, infact once they found out their little girl could make up songs and sing with melodious voice, they pushed me to the business. Sooner my mom was diagnosed with blood cancer so they moved her to a new part of the city for her to get the best treatment, and me not liking the attention of my old town in Seoul, decided to keep my famous identity a secret and I started to live a quite normal life, except for the surprise concerts that make me skip some days at school. I met Yeon-seo later on in school and we both found out our moms where in the same condition, so we always come for the visits together, I still haven't told her though but I knew my excuses would later catch up with her. "Min-ji, your final year exams is just around the corner and you need to stop skipping school, I need you to focus also on you studies,okay." My mom cupped her cold pale arms around my cheeks and I nodded, with a smile and a sniffle. "Miss, visiting hours has ended" the doctor came in along side with other nurses, I gave my mom one last hug before I waved her good bye. " So Min-ji, how was aunty. " Yeon-seo ruffled my dark hair, immediately I stepped out of the hospital room. " She was okay, thank God. " I muttered, cleaning little drop of tears from my eyes. " Don't shed tears now okay, were going to school and I don't want people to start asking you questions. " Yeon- seo exclaimed, dragging me towards the hospital exit and I nodded. Leaving the normal life of min-ji, me and Yeon- seo always walks to school after visiting our moms and we chat in our uniform. I had finally mastered the routine of hiding my fame identity, that changing out of an expensive popstar gown to uniform before heading to the hospital became a breeze. "Did you hear the news, Jimin the main singer of the Luminous kpop group is enrolling in our school. " Yeon- seo exclaimed as we were walking on the side walk and I choked. " What!!!." My voice cracked, and I rolled my eyes when Yeon-seo began to talk about how hot he was. That better be a rumour because am not ready to face that scumbag any time soon. Just as that thought came to my head, my eyes came in contact with him, I think. I could recognize that sharp dark eyes anywhere, but yet again his black hair was now grey and he was wearing a hoodie with shades, suspicious. I thought. The young boy was standing with a group of people at the shop just a distance from our school and I couldn't help but nudge Yeon-seo to her attention, she was talking all through the road but now all I could hear was silence staring at this boy. Once Yeon-seo saw the guy I was looking at, her eyes widened and I finally recognize him, was he trying to do a disguise. This got to be good..... "It's the Luminous boys!!!" Yeon-seo yelled and the stampede began