Shadow: Fate Against Her & her Twisted Billionaire Saviour

Gianni Gianni Camille Knight. Beloved Daughter & Sister. May you have a golden library filled with endless novels. I wonder who came up with this. Knowingly smiling.. Sounds exactly like something my grandma, Georgia Josephine Callaway, or Georgie Jo what call her, told them to engrave, keeping it simple, sweet, and right down to the point. The inscription spawled on a white and purple marble slab with little specs of gold cascading in a waving flow, giving it a hint of elegance with sunflowers and a cool looking bookshelf engraved in 3D. I like it, Georgie, and oh, how I miss thee. My smile fades as quickly as it settles, drifting back to the last funeral my mom had to plan. My Dads. Matthew G. Knight. Is it crazy that I never knew what the G stood for in my own Dad's name. I'm still so used to just saying Dad and not having to use his birth name. Well, I guess it doesn't matter now, does it. The poised Gracie Knight completely shut down after my dad passed. Georgie Jo had to step in to make all the funeral arrangements. Things got so bad with my mom that Georgie eventually ended up moving in and took up the roll of caregiver. Basically, taking care of four children. One thing about Georgie is that she doesn't complain. She gets s**t done. She does what she has to, to make sure her family is held together. I say four children because no matter how much she tried to conceal the state of my mom's well-being from us, I still noticed. Everything. The way Georgie literally had to force feed her like a baby, bathe her, and make her communicate with us. She would go days without uttering a word to us like we didn't even exist anymore. Gracie faded into herself and dwindled to nothing and fast without my Dad. If the walking dead was a person, she would have been the star of the show. Literally a walking zombie, brain dead. She had given up. I think if it weren't for leaving three children behind or if I was old enough and able to care for Ginny and Gael, she would've found a way to join him. I remember during one of their anniversary dinners, or maybe it was a birthday, she told the story of how they met at age 10, and their epic love story began. They were inseparable every since. How ironic her love story began at the age of 10, and I lost him at age 10. Fate had already started in on me before his death with her revenge, Dad was just a casualty and Gracie, well she just got mixed up in Fate's plans for me. I'm glad they had as many years as they did together before tragedy struck. Gracie and Matthew were amazing together a real life sappy movie love story type deal. Like all good romance movies and romance books there's always, always a down turn of events, conflict, and an opposing force. Only in Gracie's story the conflict and opposing force is me. She just doesn't know it yet. One thing for certain. I never want that feeling to lose myself into someone so much to where I contemplate taking my own life because the existance of their presence is no more. I like reading about that kind of love and getting lost in it in my books but I like that it stays right there. On and in-between the pages of books. To experience an emotional imbalance and a surge of feelings that strong where you don't know where you begin or he ends. Yeah. No, I'll definitely pass on the dramatics. Gracie would've actually left us and ended herself for the unknown. For all she knows, the flaming fires of hell could've been awaiting her arrival, to consume her and not a friendly reuniting with her husband at some golden pearly gates in some puffy white clouds. Even though I seriously doubt Hell is her final destination. Unlike me. I've accepted my fate. Gracie is seriously the most kindest person I know, even her scoldings trying to reign in three unruly children was soft. She doesn't have a angry confrontational bone in her body. Well except for the time at a Christmas party where a co worker was flirting and rubbing up against my Dad. I would've loved to see more of that side of her. I swear it was like you could see actual fire dancing in her eyes and if she touched you, you sure wouldn't be able to survive it. But that was the only time I got a glimpse of something other than the poised Mother of three, Wife of Matthew Knight. Even when my dad died she wasn't angry she was just sad. And weak. She walked around with a vacant expression all the time. The lights were on, but no one was home. Focusing in on the specs of gold, my eyes start to burn at the back. I can feel tears threatening, trying my best to hold them back so none surface but its a failed attempt. One still spillls over my cheek. Feels like someone tied a stone to my chest and dropped me in the middle of an ocean. I'm starting to sink real fast being back here. I miss them all so much. It hurts. It hurts to think of them hurting because of me. Everything is starting to become a blur. I did this to them. My breaths come is gasps, too many emotions flooding in at once causing a mini panic attack. I try mouth breathing forcing fresh air into my lungs to gain back some sort of control and steady myself. Get it together. This isn't you. Not anymore. You have to let go. The old you is dead and gone this is why you are here to finally break ties and clean up loose ends. A little pep talk that seems to calm me if only just for the moment. It's better this way for everyone. I can't go back. I start to hear that asshole's voice and feel his touch circling, gently gliding up and down my back. Mmmmm... "Focus on my voice and breathe. You need to free your pain. Don't hold it in. It needs an outlet." Shaking off that feeling thats become too familiar and erasing it out of my head. I'm hoping like hell that what ever magic mojo Georgie Jo worked and had back then to snap my mom out of her downturn, she kept it and can get her through this rough patch too. I'd hate for Ginny and Gael to have to suffer through her losing her s**t. Reading over the engraving again.. Beloved Daughter & Sister... I realize it's not much that could be said anyway. Not only did I die young, but I was a loner or loser, take your pick of word choice. I didn't have any real friends and I definitely didn't participate in extracurricular activities outside of the piano lessons I've been taking since I was three. I did have a best friend once, well my only friend, besides my younger sister and my baby brother. Can you can count them as friends? Oh well thats what they were outside of siblings. Life for me consisted of school, reading in a closet to escape noisey siblings, reading outside under my favorite magnolia tree, reading while Georgie Jo tries to teach me to cook, reading while Gracie tries to correct me on half doing my house chores, baking, watching supernatural action packed movies with Gael and Ginny. By now you can tell all I do is read. I love getting lost in a good book. I had book bestfriends. Told you a total loser. But thats where I found comfort, so I don't care how it makes me sound or look. Not anymore especially when I've found other things to help with comfort. I didn't even have social media accounts. I still don't. s**t! I was pathetic wasn't I. Not really a question really I had no life. It never even really got started, and it was already s**t. Note to self a little distance from Z will do me some good. I'm picking up too many of his little habits. One of the main is cursing like a sailor or a bargee. Funny thing is he's always quiet and never talks to anyone but me. Anyway assuming Gracie would agree to my terms. I was looking forward to graduating early next year. I was already taking college courses that she worked over time and picked up a second job to pay for, but she insisted I stay in school a little while longer to get the 'full high school experience.' I think she was afraid that I'd try to emancipate myself and move out or something. Okay, so I only threathened her with that once and it was an empty threat and she knew it. Right? I mean I had no job. No money. And its not like they were going to let me stay on a college campus at fifteen by myself or if someone would rent me an apartment. If I hadn't pretended high school was this super great experience, came clean and told her the real truth early on. That being a fifteen year old "know it all" low class freak. their words not mine, classified as a Senior because I actually tested out of school with that stupid test which gave me the option to graduate early out of this preppy ass private school of rich pricks and s**t heads was hell. And absolutely no one liked me and that included a few teachers. Just maybe she would've let me bypass all of the cliche' bull crap she gave me about getting the full high school experience. The high school experience sucked! She set her hopes too high for me. But I didn't want to disappoint her. She was already doing the most for me and I could tell she was tired. On the other hand she had to know something right. Aren't Moms suppose to have this super power of knowing s**t. Well scratch that I take it back because apparently every one in my family missed out on that super power. Everyone except for me.