THE GIFT

PARIS: MY MOTHER, MY MOM OR A TALE OF TWO WOMEN

                        When I tell people I have a mother and a mom three things happen simultaneously... their eyes widen, they look sad and they take a step back.  I realize they automatically assume I'm from a gay household.  Well, it is kind of because there's a lot of laughter there... now.

            My mother's been married twice.  My father's dead and my dad's on his way there.  My mom says with plenty of help if he's not careful and don't keep the lights on, even in the day time.

            My name is Paris, why?  Because my mother always wanted to go there.  She got pretty close one time... she drove through Paris...Texas.

            Mine is a rather strange story if I do say so myself ... and I do say so.  You see, my mother was married to my dad.  They're divorced now.  He married her after he divorced my mom.  My mother and my mom are best friends. They even live next door to each other, actually, the two houses are joined by a bricked in walk-way.  Now things didn't start out this cozy.  You see, it started like this...

            Coreene Grayport was married to Calvin Grayport.  They lived in an upper middle class neighborhood.  Calvin was what a lot of people fear, a successful black man.  His greatest enemy though was none other than himself, but he would never admit that.

            Coreene was a homebody, (Calvin insisted), but there was usually nobody home because of Calvin's real estate deals and other miscellaneous dealings.  You know, the kind that wear Passion red lipstick.  When their daughter Delona was born, Calvin was too busy to stop by.  Delona was four before she figured out he was her daddy.

            Calvin promptly tired of playing the daddy part and his business trips became longer.  One day he decided he didn't want to be married anymore because... it limited his movement.  The divorce was quite amicable, Coreene demanded only the house and Delona.  Calvin was a little uptight about losing the house.

            Less than six weeks after the divorce was final, Calvin married Doreen, my mother.  Not only did he shock the neighborhood by marrying my mother, a white woman, but it didn't help that he moved into the house right next door to Coreene and Delona.  He took the time to put up a privacy fence, seeing he didn't want his ex in his business. 

            In the beginning he demanded that we went nowhere near the neighbors.  He said they were all bitterly jealous people.  We later learned that the people did hate Calvin only we were made to feel better when we found out it wasn't his color that was the issue, they just didn't like him no matter what color he came in.  We came to feel the same way.

            We didn't learn who was next door until,  ‘D-day’.  Now allow me to give you a bit of insight on Calvin.  He didn't endear himself to anyone.  I wanted to kill him but there was such a long waiting list that I just gave up on the idea.

            In the beginning things were real quite due more to his extended absences than marital bliss.  Me, I pretty much kept out of the way, see Calvin had a strange allergy.  He was allergic to kids.  If I got within five feet of him he'd start swearing.  A rather peculiar reaction indeed.

            Back to ‘D-day’.  It was the day the devil got chased from the house.  Calvin had been back from one of his trips.  In two days he had sworn so much he had to make up new words to keep the flow going.  Anyhow... when swearing cease to feed the all-consuming need in him he discovered something which would.

            The old folks use to say idle hands are the devil's workshop or is it an idle mind is the devil's playground?  Whatever it is, the devil was most definitely in it, but God had a ram in the bush.  A mighty battering ram.

            Calvin's hands found work to do when his mouth got tired, he began with a push, moved to a shove, then he not only crossed the line but completely wiped it out by hitting my mother.

            I tried to put myself between them, hoping his allergy would kick in.  I got a bruised side for my troubles.  As I struggled to breathe I heard my mother scream.  Until then she had only been crying.  I remember looking for something extremely sharp or heavy.  I didn't have time to find either.  Before mother's scream could warm the air, my mom had entered the room ready for battle.

            In her hand was the longest, sharpest carving knife I'd ever seen.  I almost felt sorry... for all the turkeys and hams who had been introduced to it.  In the coldest voice this side of the polar caps, my mom spoke these words of promise, "If you ever raise your hand against her again I'll cut you so short you'll have to climb a house ladder to break wind."

            I fell in love with her right then and there.  Calvin could have passed for an albino at that moment as he stood with eyes glued to the shining beacon of carving steel.  His color didn't begin to come back until the span of the room was between them.  His bravo came back too.  He demanded to know what she wanted in his house.

            Mom calmly assured him it wasn't a cup of sugar.  I had to laugh, actually it was more like a snicker.  Calvin didn't like that too well but to get me he had to get closer to her.  He wisely let it pass.

            Holding on to his faltering manhood he masterly told her it was none of her business what went on in his house.  That got her attention, she came closer, the knife leading the way.

            "Don't you know signification is a n*****s occupation?"  My mother laughed at that one as she watched from the side lines.  It didn't take Calvin long to realize distance was the best thing he could have so he scooted out the door.  I don't remember what he said but I know there were quite a few short words with it.

            After this, my mother and my mom became almost inseparable.  People talked of course.  I mean the law says the ex-wife and the new wife aren't supposed to get along much less become best friends... but they did.

            As for Calvin, he never came back.  A friend of his came to get his things, but that didn't take him long as they were already scattered on the front lawn anyhow.

            Mother got the house, she took a leaf out of Mom's book on life.  She was helped through the divorce by Mom too.  Those neighbors had a field day, (sometimes I wonder if they could have had a life without us there).  They never liked Calvin but they acted as though they had after he was gone.  It didn't bother Mother and Mom at all.

            I didn't find out till later that Mom made it clear she would have no one taking about us.  Delona became the sister I never had.  We took turns defending each others honor among our peers.  We finally made a silent agreement to shut out the rest of the world if they could not accept our extended family.

            Time passed quickly and peaceably.  The neighbors broke their silence when the builders came, (remember the bricked in walk-way?).

            Coreene helped Doreen find her funny bone.  I remember the day.  I can't recall the entire conversation or even how it started, but I do recall the punch-line.  It went something like this...

            Coreene :  "Don't you have anywhere else to go?"

            Doreen:  "No, my family disowned me when I married him."

            Coreene began to laugh.  "Same thing happened to me, but with every pay raise they came to like him more."

            Doreen began to laugh.  "Same here."

            The two laughed until they cried.  Each time they looked at each other, the laughter would roll.  Delona and I decided it was best to leave them alone for awhile.

            Touching on the neighbors reluctantly but necessarily, at first they thought it was a competition when the brick wall began to go up, that was until it began to connect the two houses.  Then the whispering grew loud.  They just didn't understand, it wasn't that Mother and Mom didn't like men, it was just that they couldn't find any who could understand the bond between us all.  At least not any decent ones.

            I can recall one dinner where Mom invited her date to dinner.  Of course all of us ended up there.  Mother took one look at that stereotypical full of himself and a secret language was born.  Mother looked Mom in the eye and said, "I'm going to the store, how much Alpo did you want?"

            The poor unsuspecting jerk never caught on, he even butted into the conversation with, "I didn't know you had a dog."

            Mom played along.  "I had one but not for long.  He thought he was a stud and I had to put him down."

            That time it was Delona and I who carried the laugh.  It didn't take long for Mother and Mom to join in.  Poor man he was lost.    He sat there looking quite like the jerk he was.

            Now Mom and Mother even went into business together.  Mary Kay never had a team like them before or since.  In less than a year, they had a pink Cadillac.  Mother did hair for the clients and Mom did make up.  Delona and I helped with the wardrobe selections.  We're building a family empire.

            The women may have come in for a lipstick but they always left with a new attitude and a new look.  Many a marriages were saved by M & M's (as they came to be called) extra touches.  No bored housewife or mother was safe.  It didn't take long before husbands began stopping by on payday not to complain about their wives spending, but to make certain their accounts were up-to-date.

            Our family began to change too.  I recall another dinner, (so much happens around our dinner table), Mother introduced Mom and Delona to our family.  See, after the divorce they were willing to talk to us again.  In the beginning things were a bit strained, that was until Mom took things into her capable hands.  She just refused to allow them to skirt the issue.

            Grandpa shocked us all when he began to joke with Mom.  See, he's that silent type that just seems to stare through you.  If you got something in your teeth he can tell you how long it’s been there and where it was grown before it got there.  Looking at the faces around the table, he announced, "There's a difference between a red neck and a bigot and I ain't either.  I'm a Cajun, we lived in the swamps.  Cajun's ain't prejudice.  If it's female we love it.  If it breathes we chase it, if it's slow, we got it."

            Like I said in the beginning, I come from a gay family.  Laughter erupts at the slightest provocation at the dismay of the rest of the world.

            The laughter ceased for a short time when Calvin came back into our lives.  It was the summer before Delona and I left for college.  We hadn't heard from him in years, not that we wanted to mind you, but the proverbial grape vein let us know he was in the hospital.

            Turns out it wasn't a mistreated woman who had him laid up, it was something more unforgiving than a woman scorned.  Its name was cancer.  Like any normal caring human, M & M went to visit.  They weren't to know it but that would be the last time any of us would see him.

            I wasn't there but I was told the reason they went to see him was to tell him "thanks".  You see, M & M realized had it not been for him in his round-about way, they would have never met and our family would never be... well, a family.  He finally did something right.  Thanks Calvin.

            Now there was a moment of shock during this final visit... for the attending nurse.  You see, when Mother and Mom arrived she left the room.  She returned sometime later and asked to speak privately with Mrs. Grayport in the hallway.  Of course they both asked, "Which one?"  Personally I can't blame her for not understanding but she went ahead and replied, "His wife."  Their reply again.  "Which one?"  We were told the look on her face was priceless.

            It turned out she had simply assumed one was his wife and the other... his sister.  I'm sure the staff chewed on that bone for days.

            As for us left behind, Delona and I are preparing for graduation from college.  We're looking forward to seeing everyone, M & M, grandpa, Dad... and Daddy too.  Oh, didn't I mention Mother and Mom remarried?  It was a double wedding.  They both passed the test.  I can't be certain but I think there already being best friends played a bit of a part.

            Life is so strange sometimes.  Who would ever imagine an ex-wife and a wife, one black, one white would live next door to each other much less become best friends, sisters even.  I think our lives would make a great movie... naw, who would believe it... right?