Never Truth

23

She never meshed well with her family. She used to complain about them but avoided the subject when I’d ask her questions. I could understand —my dad and I hadn’t spoken in years, and the last thing I wanted to do was think about him, let alone talk to my friends about the asshole. Family was difficult, no matter how you sliced it, and Sofia was never quite like the rest of her family. I watched them celebrating with no plans of joining in their little party. For about an hour, I worked through my thoughts, killing time and recklessly indulging in the obsession brewing inside me. My infatuation with her was like a wicked Nor’easter aimed at burying the East Coast in a mountain of snow. I could see it building and knew the effects would be devastating, but there was no stopping it. All I could do was brace for the fallout. I had figured I’d sit in the shadows and keep my stalker tendencies to myself. However, my little plan was derailed the minute Sofia stepped outside. From the chair I’d planted myself in an hour earlier, I watched as she wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the patio railing. I only caught sight of her profile briefly—a glimpse of her unguarded features in the soft moonlight. To anyone else, she might have simply appeared tired, but it only took one glance for me to know she was utterly lost. My muscles twitched with the urge to rush from the darkness and steal her away until she recognized that she’d never truly feel at home without me. But just as quickly, I reminded myself why that was such a s**t idea, and instead, I continued to watch her and wonder what she might be thinking. Was she remembering the times we’d met out on that same patio years before, or was that the wishful thinking of a man who’d pushed away the only woman he’d ever loved? I’d never forgive myself for what I did, but it had been necessary. Protecting Sofia was far more important than my own selfish desires. She was always so innocent, lost in an imaginary world that only an artist could know. It was never my place to tell her about her family—to bring that darkness into her life—and if I’d tried to keep her and my secrets, the inevitable breakup would have been even more catastrophic. I had abandoned that path, and now a detour had rerouted me back down the same dead end. This time, there were no exits or U-turns. I couldn’t reverse my way out of this. This time, we would see just how it would play out— every last gory detail. Unable to hold back any longer, I lifted myself from the cold metal chair. “Just like old times, isn’t it?” My voice was a jagged blade slicing through the velvet night sky. Sofia startled with a gasp, whirling around in alarm. “Nico! What are you doing here? You scared me half to death.” In only a few seconds’ time, her face displayed a full gamut of emotions—surprise, then fear, before settling on agitation as she lifted her chin and turned back toward the water. I made my way to the railing, leaving only a few inches between us. “Congratulations,” I offered softly—my version of an apology. A part of me wanted to pull her back against my chest and wrap her in my warm arms where she could feel safe, but I knew the gesture would not be appreciated. A shaky puff of air formed a faint cloud slipping from her lips. “Thanks.” “It’s a great accomplishment, but you don’t seem all that excited.” “I am. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” Her eyes cut over to me in a sardonic gesture. “You want to tell me what the hell you’re doing here?” “I wanted to see you.” “Not here tonight. Here as in back in my life. Why now? What’s going on?” She turned to lean her hip on the railing, giving me her full attention. I mirrored her stance and took in her delicate features. Her wavy hair was piled loosely on top of her head, and her flushed cheeks pinked in the cool night air—together, they were a delicious hint at how breathtaking she’d look sated and sprawled in my bed. Not even the cool temperatures could keep me from getting hard after imagining that sight. Hoping she wouldn’t look down and see the evidence of my wandering mind, I shrugged my coat off and wrapped it around her narrow shoulders. “You’ve been out in the cold for too long. You’re going to freeze to death.” “You didn’t answer my question.” “I don’t have a good answer for you. Your parents reached out, and it started me thinking. One thing led to another, and now you’re all I think about.” “You can’t keep saying those things,” she whispered, her eyes searching mine. “Why not? It’s the truth. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you— something true, something real.” Lies and deceit were all I could give her. I couldn’t face myself if I spent every day of our lives lying to her face. “Reality isn’t always pretty.” Didn’t I know it. I was surprised at the bite in her words and wondered at what all I’d missed in her life through the years. The thought of someone hurting her made my fists clench with rage. “I’m well aware of just how ugly this world can be. That’s exactly why I left.” “Is that your deluded way of saying you were trying to protect me?” she shot back, eyes sparking with anger. “It’s not deluded. I was protecting you. I’m not a good man. You deserve far better than I could have given you.” My emotions began to get the better of me. I ran my hand through my hair, attempting to calm the spike in my temper. “That wasn’t your call to make.” Her finger jabbed against my chest as she spat her words. “Did I ever once give you the impression my love had conditions? Don’t you think I know that nobody is perfect? You may not have seen your own light, but to me, you were as bright as the summer sun. When you left me, I drowned in the darkness.” “I had nothing to offer you—” Before I could finish, she cut me off. “Your love was all I ever wanted,” she hissed, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.