Never Truth

21

The last year of our friendship, our relationship had started to evolve into something … more—something even more beautiful than it had been before, which I hadn’t thought was possible. My freshman year, his sophomore year, we were both in the high school wing of our K-12 private school. It started with sweet notes left in my locker, then progressed to holding my hand in the halls, and on to a first kiss—a stolen moment in the supply closet of the art room. I always loved Nico, but my freshman year, I fell in love with him. Not just teenage puppy love. Nico became my favorite part of every day and the thing I pictured in my head each night as I drifted to sleep. He planted himself deep inside the fibers of my being, his roots interwoven with mine like two redwood trees, separate at first sight but one creature when you dug down deep. When he left me, he’d violently ripped us apart, and my wounds had never healed. I had convinced myself they had—placed bandages over the gaping wounds—but underneath, I was just as raw and damaged as I’d been seven years before. And now he was back to throw salt in those wounds. Why now? I had no doubt there was a reason behind his sudden appearance. Was I willing to be near him to figure it out, or was self-preservation more important? I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but either way, I was in trouble. OceanofPDF.com “Can I ask you a question?” Nico asked one day as he sat on the swing next to me. “Yeah, I guess.” I squinted over at him in the bright sunlight. Nico and I had become friends over the prior weeks, and I liked talking to him. “One of the kids in my class said your brother died. Is that why you’ve been so sad?” His question made a thick lump form in my throat. Aside from the night Marco had died, I hadn’t cried for him. All it took was one question from Nico, and tears pooled in my eyes. If I said a single word, the heavy droplets would overflow, so I simply nodded. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it. Let’s just see how high we can swing. Sometimes, when the swing is going up and up, I feel like maybe I’m a bird and I can fly. You want to try?” I nodded again, and we kicked back to start our swings. That was the one and only time we talked about my brother. Every day for the rest of kindergarten, Nico played with me at recess. When the end of the year rolled around, most of the kids were thrilled about summer break, but I dreaded my last day of kindergarten. Winter break had been hard enough, and it was only three weeks—but three months away from Nico? I wasn’t sure how I’d survive. At six years old, three months sounded like an eternity. I’d had my sixth birthday back in February. I asked my parents if Nico could come to my party, but they said parties were for family only. That didn’t make much sense to me because other kids had friends at their birthday parties, but Daddy insisted. The party was all right. I had hoped turning six would feel different than being five, but it didn’t. Marco was still gone, and my heart still hurt for him every single day. Nico was the only thing that dulled that ache, which was why summer break sounded like the worst kind of punishment. Three months without him. Three months of walking past Marco’s closed door every time I went up to my room. Three months without the one person who could make me laugh. The morning of the last day of school, I dragged my feet until Mama yelled that I was going to make everyone late. It was the last day no matter if I was there or not, but I still didn’t want to face it. Just like every other day, Nico joined me on the swings. I never asked him to, and he never asked if it was okay. He just grabbed the swing next to me and started swinging. Sometimes we talked, sometimes not. Sometimes, we walked around the playground, and other times, we just sat by the big oak tree. He made me laugh when I thought I’d never laugh again. “You promise you’ll be back when school starts?” I asked him warily when recess was almost over. “Not sure where else I’d go. Ma says this is the only school I’m gonna go to come hell or high water, whatever that means.” He gave me a lopsided grin that made the heavy weight on my chest feel more manageable. “How about this—we’ll have a competition. You see how many ladybugs you can find this summer, and I will too. When we get back to school next year, we can see who caught the most. Deal?” His words reminded me so strongly of Marco’s on the night he was killed that I instantly threw my arms around Nico, clinging to him tightly. He huffed out a laugh, patting my back gently. “Dang, Sof, you’re strong for a girl.” “Don’t ever leave me, Nico.” I whispered the words into his chest, afraid to let go. His arms tightened around me. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” The humor was gone from his voice, and I knew that he understood how important this was to me. When I pulled back, I gave him a shaky smile, then darted inside without a goodbye. There was no reason for goodbye when we would see each other again. Summer wasn’t as terrible as I had expected, but I still counted down the days until school started again. On the first day back, I walked anxiously out to the playground. To my amazement, I found Nico already planted on one of the swings, waiting with a wide grin plastered across his face.