Surviving His Memory

Chapter 18

Ethan

I am doing my best to keep my hands to myself. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but not touching Ellie is an absolute slow hell. I'm standing right next to her. Yet she seems so far away. In only a couple of days, my entire being feels dependent on her presence. Actually, no. That isn't right. Her presence isn't enough. I have an uncontrollable need to touch her. To feel her skin beneath my own. Mindlessly, we strolled toward the hallway, toward the lobby. June and Ellie have been chatting more about the luau tomorrow night. The only thing I can think about is spending tomorrow evening without my little warrior. It isn't going to be easy for me and it won't be difficult because I don't trust her. I will miss having her against me. Her little body has quickly become my sanctuary. With her, my mind is quiet.

"We'll be right behind you, June. I just need to talk to Ethan real fast..." Ellie encourages June to go ahead of us. "I'll go meet with Candy and Rich. If you want to kiss the man, you don't have to pretend with me." June throws over her shoulder. I chuckle at her antics. Ellie was right. June says whatever is on her mind. I find myself enjoying that about her. I feel like I will never have to guess where I stand with June.

"What did you want to talk about? Or was June right? Do you want to kiss me little warrior?" I teased her because I couldn't help myself. Apparently, June knows Ellie really well because Ellie practically threw herself into my arms. I staggered a little, but I caught her in a bear hug. "Mostly, June was right. She makes that a habit...but I also wanted to tell you that I love you. I love how you make me feel when I'm with you. I wanted to say that, while I'm excited about tomorrow, I find that I don't want to do things without you." Ellie addresses everything I've been thinking. My chest constricts at her words. "I'm so excited to hear all about tomorrow night..but I, too, am not looking forward to being without you. I think that's part of the beauty of it though. I love you too, El. I am head over heels for you. I wouldn't want it any other way. I want you to have fun with your friends. They're good for you." I told her honestly. When she's with her friends she has this glow about her. I feel like she does that with me, too. I wouldn't really know though. When I'm with her, I am surrounded by her, consumed by her, bathed in her light. Ellinora is a beacon in this world. She is kind but fierce, honest, and loyal. I want her to spread her light because she deserves to feel the sun shine again. She deserves everything.

I lower her to her feet so that I can reach for her jaw, like I have countless times now. My thumb caresses her cheek. I slowly lowered my lips to hers. Kissing Ellie will never get old. Removing my hand from her face, I place both of them on her hips and lift her again. She wraps her arms around my neck and clings to me. "I KNEW IT! Wooo! Girl! Can you breathe after a kiss like that?" followed by loud laughter that traveled down the hall. June had returned and she had brought my parents, of course. I feel Ellie stiffen in my arms. Bending down, I placed her on her feet. Ellie's back is to them but her eyes are still closed. I chuckle as I place my forehead against hers. "Barely," I reply to June. Ellie's eyes finally snapped open to look into mine as a shy smile played on her swollen lips. "Agreed" she whispered, only for me to hear, and buried her face into my chest, forcing me to stand up. I looked down the hall. There they are. All three of them laughing hysterically.

"You ready?" I whispered to Ellie as her body relaxed into mine. She sighs but nods. I chuckle again, releasing her enough to turn around and face our parents. "Let's get some food Nor. I won't say anything else about it.....ehhh...you know what? I will try not to say anything else about it." June cackles at herself and turns away from us. My parents follow her and we trail behind. "This is going to be an adventure. I can already tell." I told Ellie when I snatched her hand and kissed the back of it. Ellie playfully rolled her eyes at me, her face is still flushed pink as she laughs at me. I see June and my mom turn back, at the sound of Ellie's laughter. Both of them smile. "Everything becomes an adventure when June is around. Just you wait.." She smiles at me.

We walked out the front door to find our parents. They all stopped outside, talking to my coach. Dad and Coach Matthews go way back. They've known each other since school. "Hey, Coach!" I said as he looked at me. "This is Ellie. El, this is Coach Matthews." I announced. "Hello Ellie. You can call me Shawn. It's nice to meet the lady that is at the root of all the rumors going around the team. They're all saying that Frost, here...." Coach gestures toward me. "Don't embarrass me Coach." I interrupt him with laughter in my words. "Ahhh..you'll be alright...now as I was sayin'...apparently, Frost found himself a fierce woman. I believe I heard something about an ignorant man and a table." Coach seemed to have a little pride in his tone. "I'm real sorry I missed that..." he finishes with a chuckle. "Follow her around. Something else will happen sooner or later." June chimes in quietly. I snap my eyes to hers. "What do you mean?" I ask. "It's nothing..." Ellie interrupts. "Just a few run-ins back home....and one in Tennessee. I guess now we have the table incident here, as well. Nothing too crazy. I can handle it, remember?" She tells me with a forced smile. I can see it in her eyes. Fear. What is my warrior afraid of...and how do I fix it if she won't tell me anything about it? Looking at June, I see it in her eyes as well. June nods at me.

I won't force Ellie to tell me, but I hope to talk her into it. I'll do that later. After a short debate, it was decided. Coach is coming along to dinner with us. This should be interesting. He, and what I know of June, are very similar. We may all be in for quite the dinner. I laugh at my thoughts and wrap my arms around my woman. I leaned over to speak in her ear. "I really wish I could carry you and kiss you, all the way to dinner." I whispered. I saw her chest rise and fall a bit quicker. She looks up at me and stretches her head toward me. She's asking me to lower my ear to her, without saying the words. "Well, what are you? Chicken?" I barely heard her whisper. Without thought, I swept her off her feet and into my arms. She lets out a half scream, half laugh. The sound goes straight to my heart. God, I love that sound. "No feathers here." I winked at her. I continue to carry her. My dad has looked at us a couple of times but otherwise no one says anything. Not even June.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep carrying me around. This can't be great for your back." Ellie tells me. "You barely weigh anything, baby. My back will be fine." I told her with an easy grin. I nuzzle my face next to her ear and whisper, "...it is more fun to carry you with those legs wrapped around me though." I heard her sigh. "I hope dinner goes fast..." She says, making eye contact with me. "Me too, babe. Me too.." I told her, wishing, with everything that I am, we could spend days in our bed once the parents go home. It will take days for me to try everything that I want to, with my beautiful Ellinora. I am suddenly very curious about a few things. Especially after our shower fun earlier. I want to see what her limits are. I want to play with my woman until she can't walk again. The thought puts a smile on my face. Oh my little Ellie has no idea what I have in store for her.

ELLIE

Ethan refused to put me down until we decided on a restaurant. That's when he finally returned me to my own feet. I didn't pay attention to the name of the place when we walked in, but it's adorable. It feels a lot like a tavern with its amazing atmosphere. Dim lighting and mild music fill the place. One sweep. That's all it took. My eyes swept across the room and I spotted her immediately. Harriet is here and she looks to be on a date. "Hey...isn't that the guy..." There was a question in Ethan's voice. He's right though. Sitting directly across from Harriet is the disgusting man from the other night. You know, the one I so eloquently sent through a table. "Yea that's him....and he's sitting with Harriett." I confirmed. I hear his chest rumble with a grunt. My words caught the attention of June. She has never met my mother, obviously. She wouldn't know her if she ran right into her but I have a feeling that's about to change. "The Harriett?" June asks with a deathly glare. "The very same." I tell her. I had already told June about running into her and I also told her about finally speaking my peace. I have nothing left to say to that woman. "I spoke my peace. She can live her life however she wants. It makes no difference to me anymore. I couldn't make her be a mother to me years ago. I have zero motivation to try now. Besides, I have you." I told her frankly with a smile at the end. Thankfully, we are seated on the opposite side of the open room. Sadly, I felt him looking at me. When I looked back at him, I saw the recognition flash in his eyes. He remembers me, of course. Why wouldn't he? I am in no mood to deal with him again. Oh and, of course, he would be sitting with that worthless woman. They deserve each other.

Sitting down at our large, round table. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Ethan is on my right and June sits down to my left. As soon as we are all seated, our waitress comes. She welcomes us to the establishment. I still didn't catch the name. My mind is all over the place. Then I hear, "The couple across the bar would like to buy a round for the table. What would everyone like?" The waitress is happy. Perky even. "Please tell them to keep it." I told the waitress immediately. What I didn't realize soon enough was June. She hadn't stayed seated. I noticed that she was half way across the room. She was headed straight for her. "Oh crap!" I said as I jumped up and tried to follow her. June has a head start, though, and she isn't slowing down. I don't want to make a scene, but I know it won't bother June to do just that. Scenes are her specialty.

"....kind of woman leaves her child? What kind of mother does that? I've known that girl for years now and let me tell you what I've learned. Ellinora is smart, beautiful, humble, but most of all fierce. The best thing you ever did for her, was stay gone! You left her when she needed you the most. You don't get to come back with your damn drinks. So take those drinks and drown in them you ignorant bitch." June doesn't typically cuss. She's really mad but she keeps her voice down. "Come on Mama J. I thought you were hungry?" I spoke directly to June. Avoiding all eye contact with the couple in front of her. I guess the gross man didn't like what June had said because when he stood up, his chair flew out from behind him. Well, if June hadn't made enough of a scene, it was definitely made now. "How dare you speak to my fiance that way. Apologize to her immediately!" His words were full of venom, spittle flying everywhere. "I will never apologize. Not while I am standing on the moral high ground!" June told him with just as much intensity. "Fiance?" I asked. "Yes. You heard him. He just wanted to buy his daughter a drink. What's so wrong with that?" Harriet's words made me so angry that my hands shook. "I am not his daughter! Thank God, and I'm not your daughter either..you didn't even recognize me. You served my friends and I a meal and you didn't even know that I was your daughter. Did your fiance tell you about the other night? How he..." My words were interrupted when that creature of a man shoved me. "Don't make up stories. No one likes a liar." He said as he encroached on my personal space. "Back up ass-hole or I'll put you through another table. I'm not a liar, but clearly you are. So I'm going to say this one last time..." I looked Harriet in the eye. "You are dead to me. What you do with your life has no bearing on me or mine." I turned my head back to the creature. "Don't touch a woman unless she wants you to touch her. It's gross!" I told him, snatching June's arm and turning to walk away. I immediately noticed how close Ethan, Rich, and even Shawn are to us. It feels good to be around people that have my back. "Sorry for the interruption everyone. Some people just don't know how to let a sleeping dog lie." June announced to the room. I saw several nods throughout the crowd, along with a few chuckles. I'm sure everyone here knows someone that refuses to leave well enough, alone. Thankfully.

We all returned to our seats. "I'm sorry," I told the table. I'm embarrassed. Ethan took my hand from my lap. "Don't be. This one is on me. I've waited a long time to tell that woman about herself. I am sorry for disrupting our evening. I just didn't want to miss the opportunity. Then again, I don't think I could have changed my mind after the drink situation," June says. I shook my head. "I'm going to go to the ladies' room. Just order me water and a salad," I told Ethan. I didn't wait, I just got up and headed directly for the neon light declaring the restroom was ahead. This is not the first impression that I wanted to make on Ethan's parents. I hate it. I just want to go home. Entering the bathroom, I headed for the first available stall. I can feel the tears building behind my eyes. I closed the stall door with a slam, just in time for the first sob to wrack my body. I close the lid on the toilet and sit on top of it, burying my face in my arms. Have you ever tried to cry silently? It's impossible.

When I finally get myself together, I blow my nose with some toilet paper and flush it. Opening the door, I came face to face with Candy. She was leaning against one of the sinks, waiting for me. "I'm so.." I tried to tell her I was sorry again but she interrupted me. "Nope, none of that. You don't have to apologize to me. I practically forced Ethan and June to let me come speak with you. Are you okay?" I was surprised at her words. "I'm okay. I don't know why I'm being so dramatic and emotional," I said as I began washing my hands. Candy places her hand on my shoulder. "...because a mother should never do that to her child. A mother is supposed to protect her children, never abandon them. I'm sorry to say that some women should never have children. My mother was one of those women too." She tells me. I snapped my eyes to hers in the mirror. "You're mom..." I stuttered a little. "My mother was an addict. Her life revolved around drugs and men. I'm pretty sure that she was addicted to both. We are not our mother's, Ellie. We are who we are now, because we have known for years what we never wanted to be." The sincerity in Candy's brings a tear to my eye. "Thank you. I...I just wanted to be enough, for so long. I thought that I was past all of it until I saw her again. She has been here the whole time and I didn't even know....I think I'm still processing.... Then to find out that the man that grabbed me is the man she is choosing to marry....gross! I just...I want my dad but I can't have that either." The tears are begging to fall again. Candy pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry honey. I know that he is proud of you, though. I would be. I don't know your entire story yet. Only the little bits that Ethan and June have shared with me. But I know that wherever your dad is. He is proud of the woman his little girl has grown up to be. You've been through more than your fair share, but you keep standing. You keep fighting and that, Ellie, is a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, that's all we have. Never be ashamed of that and never apologize for it." Candy rubs my back. I hugged her tighter. "Thank you so much." We released each other but she held on to my upper arms. "No thank you honey. Thank you for loving my son." Her words shocked me a little. How in the world does she know that I love him? "Don't look at me like that. Everyone around the two of you can feel it. I remember a similar time when I first met Richard. My closest friends said they knew the night we met." She chuckles. "Apparently he did too. I needed a little more convincing, but not because I didn't feel it. I was terrified of falling for him but it all worked out in the end." Candy says with laughter still prevalent in her voice. "He makes it easy, ya know? Ethan is an amazing man. I feel like I should pinch myself because there is no way that true love strikes twice, right? After Evan died, I was lost. That is until I met this giant of a man on the beach. I still, can barely believe that God-Man loves little 'ol me." I can't keep the smile off of my face. That is, until I realized that I used "God-Man" and Candy was laughing at me. "I called Richard, Thore for years." She laughed and I laughed with her. "Please don't tell him I call him that. I'm not sure his ego needs the boost." I add, still laughing. "Never." Candy winks at me and draws a line over her mouth like a zipper.

Candy and I finally leave the bathroom and rejoin our group at the table. Our food has been delivered. It turns out, I have options, not just the salad I had asked for. "What is all of this?" I asked Ethan. "I thought you might change your mind about the salad. This way, you can eat whatever you actually want." Ethan gestures to the space infront of me. There's chicken with veggies, steak and potatoes, fish and rice, pasta, and, of course, my salad with every dressing they offer on the side. "What are we going to do with the rest of it?" I asked him with a laugh. "We'll take it to Cheryl and Cal. I bet they're getting hungry." He winks at me and I can't stop the snort that comes with my laughter. "We tried to stop him. He just kept adding more dishes. So we gave up." Shawn says. "I was determined." Ethan shrugs. We all laughed.

Dinner went well after the bathroom experience. Even though, that part was kind of nice too. Not the crying part, but definitely the Candy part. I really like her. I wish I could have had a mother like her. She reminds me a lot of my Grandma. She brings peace with her. I could always use a little more peace.