Surviving His Memory

Chapter 19

Ethan

The entire time my mother was in the bathroom with Ellie, my hands were sweating. I don't like that Ellie was upset. I like even less that I don't know what my mother was saying in there. Thankfully, when they return, Ellie looks happier. She's so beautiful. Everyone gave me a hard time ordering her more than the salad she had asked for, but she ended up eating some of the chicken and pasta. So I'm going to go ahead and count that as a win for me.

Dinner was nice. We all enjoyed one another's company. Ellie did invite my mother to a girls' night tomorrow and to say mom is thrilled, would be the understatement of the century. She could hardly contain her excitement. My dad, Coach, and I decided we could have a poker night while the ladies are gone. I'll invite Cal and a few other teammates. At least I won't be alone while Ellie's away. That is good news.

Leaving the little pub, I caught Ellie's hand in mine. "You two go on ahead. We're going to walk around a little. See some sights." My dad tells Ellie and I. "Okay. See you tomorrow." I holled over my shoulder. Ellie, though. She turns around, goes back, and hugs everyone. I can't help feeling a few emotions when she hugs my mom. When my dad folds himself in half to hug her...I can't help the tightness in my chest. As soon as she's close enough again, I swoop her up into my arms. "You are amazing." I tell her before I kiss her. "Mmm..you are too." Ellie says with a grin. "AND DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT I WOULDN'T DO!" June yells at our retreating forms. "WOULDN'T THINK OF IT!" Ellie hollers back. June hoots and hollers something about grandbabies. I cannot help but laugh. "I love her already." I told Ellie. "She's too much. She's been trying to get me pregnant for years. Always wanting grandbabies. June has always acted like she's eighty years old. She says, I'm not getting any younger, or I'm old enough now... She's funny. She's only thirty-nine." Ellie rolls her eyes, still wrapped in my arms. "If you don't mind me asking. Why didn't you and Evan have any kids?" I asked her, holding my breath. "I don't mind. Kids were always part of the plan but...um..we had started trying about six months before he passed. I had finally graduated and Evan had made a few great investments. We were finally ready. Then, a couple of months later, his headaches started. Trying to get pregnant took a backseat again. Then he died." Her eyes took on a far away look as she spoke. "I'm sorry, baby. I was just curious." I told her softly. "It's okay big guy. I think it's good to talk about him. At one point, I wouldn't let anyone say his name. I didn't want to think about him. It hurt so badly. He called me Nora. I made everyone call me Ellie because I never wanted to forget how it sounded when he said my name. I loved him so much and he just died. He didn't even tell me that he was sick. That the headaches were from a tumor on his brain. He died during surgery that I didn't even know he was having. I was so mad at him. I'm still mad at him." A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. "I'll never forget that phone call." She barely whispered. "I..I don't even know what to say, El. I'm so sorry." I couldn't think of anything else to say. She nuzzles into my chest and I hold her tighter.

I carried Ellie all the way to her room. She is much calmer before I speak again. "So, back to a little happier thoughts, like having babies. They are they still on the table for you?" God, please let her want kids. I don't care if we create our own or adopt. I just want to be a dad. "I would love to have a baby one day. I've always wanted to be a mom." She smiles at me. "Good because, growing up, everytime someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I would tell them a dad and a quarterback. I have one of those things.." I tell her as she slides the key card to enter her room. We haven't been careful...not really... I wonder if she is....

Before Ellie, the thought would have been unsettling at the least. Now, with Ellie, I want it. I want it all. I watch her face for signs of what she's thinking. A lot about Ellie is still a mystery to me, but I love trying to figure her out. Her eyes finally met mine. I still have no idea what's going on inside that beautiful head of hers. "I love you.." She tells me, placing her delicate hand on my cheek. "I love you." I tell her, leaning into her touch. She leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips and pulls my forehead to hers. "Well, that's all I can think about now. Beautiful little green-eyed babies." She says, closing her eyes. "I'll take one that looks just like you." I peck her lips softly and return my forehead to hers. I walked to the counter and sat her on it. Only long enough to readjust us, so her legs are wrapped around me. Causing her dress ride up her smooth legs. I can't resist the urge to run my hands up them until I reach her soft little hips. I give them a little squeeze as I lift her back to me. Ellie wraps her arms around my neck and I walk over to the couch. I sat with her straddling my lap.

"I want to talk to you about something, but I don't want to freak you out..." I say slowly. "What is it, Bigs? I'll do my best.." She smiles at me. "So...I've been irresponsible. If you're not on any birth control...there's a good chance that you are already...but to be honest, the thought...it..." I blew out a breath, pinching my eyes shut. "This is all happening so fast, baby...but I want it. All of it!" I try to put as much sincerity into my voice as possible. I want to marry this woman. I want to watch her swell with our children. I want to hear them call her mommy. I'll say it again. I want the fairytale and I want it with Ellinora. Her silence is killing me. I opened my eyes to see her smiling at me. My heart suddenly felt like it was beating out of my chest. "Are you asking me to have your babies, Mister Frost?" She actually teases me. "I mean...I do want June to like me..." I told her dramatically. Her giggle fills the room. She swats my chest again. "In all seriousness. Yes Ellinora. I want to know if you will have my babies. We can wait..if it hasn't already happened." I rubbed my hands up and down from her ass cheeks to her knees. I want to tie her to me so she won't leave. Which sounds pretty stalker-ish, even to me.

She stared at me for a moment, without saying anything. The moment I begin to worry, her face lights up with a smile. "You really want to give me your babies?" Ellie sounds surprised. "More than almost anything else Ellie." I can't stop the hope that bubbles up in my chest. "Will you answer one question for me?" As she spoke she leaned back and looked at me through squinted eyes. "I'll answer any questions you have baby." I run my hands up to her waist and drag my thumbs in circles.

"You said almost more than anything else...what do you want more than that?" Sounding shy toward the end, she averted her eyes from mine. Reaching up with my hand, I gently pinch her chin and adjust her face so that she's looking at me again. "I want to give you my last name, more than anything else in the world." I tell her bluntly. It's true. Her eyes widen and she pauses for a few moments. "Why doesn't that scare me? I feel like it really should scare me..." Ellie smiles. "I love you. It doesn't scare me either. I think mostly because I know this is right. You are my other half. I've known that since the day I met you. I would marry you tomorrow if you would let me." Her eyes filled with unshed tears. "God, I love you too! Maybe we are both crazy, but I feel the same way. I think if I learned anything from Evan's death..it would have to be that life is short. You have to live every day because one day, tomorrow will not come." She leans forward in my lap, places a heart-stopping kiss on me, and buries her head in my chest.

"Okay." One word made all of my blood rush to my ears. "Are you sure? Don't let me rush you baby." I don't want her to feel any pressure. She sits up in my lap and looks me in the eye. "I feel like I cannot be without you. I know, all too well, how short life can be. I want to always have a piece of you with me. And if something were to happen to me, you would always have a piece of me..."I stood with her, once again wrapped around me. Her words echoed in my head. The thought of something happening to Ellie makes me feel sick. "I'll never let anything happen to you." I hold her tighter against me. "Sometimes, these things are out of our control big guy." I look at her. "I'm so sorry you lost him, El. If this is how you felt about him...I can't imagine the pain." I felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest.

"What Evan and I had was beautiful. But...this...this is different. I feel like Evan helped me become the woman I am today. He taught me how to love and be loved. Just being near you has helped me heal. With you, I feel invincible. You make me feel strong again. I missed this part of myself. I think Evan prepared me. He got me ready for this kind of fierce love. He helped me become the woman that you needed." She runs her hand over the stubble on my jaw and leans in for a soft kiss before she continues. "I don't want to wait, Ethan. I don't ever want to be without you or, at the very least, a part of you." At her words, I put her back against the wall and kissed her. When I deepen the kiss, our tongues fight for dominance. I can't believe this little warrior is mine.

I pulled her away from the wall and kissed her neck on the way to the bedroom. I have thirteen hours before team workouts start. If she isn't completely satisfied by the time I have to leave tomorrow, it will not be for lack of effort. Nope, I'll give Ellie whatever she wants. She actually wants to have my baby and I love her so much I can barely stand it. I can only imagine how much I will love our child.

I've decided that tomorrow, I'll be having a conversation with June. I want her blessing to marry my woman. With my ring on her finger, everyone will know that she's mine. When our baby comes, everyone will be able to see our love. I can't wait.