Surviving His Memory

Chapter 6

I was sitting on a bench across the street from the restaurant, when I saw Ethan walk out. He scans the surroundings. I know he's looking for me but I just look back down at my hands in my lap. I saw his shoes walking toward me. This is embarrassing.

He takes a seat on the bench to my right. "The others are coming out too. They just had to use the bathroom." He pauses for a few seconds as he blows out a breath. "You want to tell me who she is to you?" He asks. I waited a few seconds before I answered. "She's my mother... No. That's not right. She's the b***h that gave birth to me and left me...alone! On my twelfth birthday." I tell him, my voice gains strength as I speak. "She left and my father was still deployed. I went into foster care for three days because she only notified the authorities. She didn't even have the decency to tell me. I found out when CPS came for me. My grandmother, my dad's mom. She came and got me once they all found out what had happened. I stayed with my grandma for a month. Then my dad came home for good." I felt better after I told the story. I don't know why I just told him all of this but it made me feel better.

"I'm sorry! Wow! How are you feeling? Have you spoken to her since? Did you know she was on the island?" He asks. Then reaches over and puts his hand on top of my hands. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be nosey or rude. It's just that I can't imagine what you must be going through right now." I take his offered hand and thread our fingers together. "It's okay. I've spoken to her three times since, but I never knew where she was. The first time she called was the day after my father died, eight years after she left. It was always the same thing though. She wanted money. My father never divorced her. So she thought...I hate her." I tell him as I squeeze his hand. My eyes haven't left my lap. Somehow, just looking at how his hand dwarfs both of mine settles me down. "She thought that she was due a payday. She actually said she deserved that money more than I did because she had to give up twelve years of her life, while he went and played hero." I rolled my eyes. That woman isn't worth the air she breathes. Ethan squeezes my hand in return. "You wanna go back in there and put her through a table? Because I'll be right behind you!" He says, making me laugh. I feel the tension begin to leave my body. "Thanks." I tell him, looking over at him finally. "For what?" He scrunches his nose up. "Just for listening and making me laugh. I feel a little better now." I tell him and begin to look away, back toward my lap. "Look at me, Ellie." He says softly. I forced myself to listen and look into his eyes again. I could get lost in those eyes. "Damn you're beautiful. Even upset." He says as he wipes away my tears with his thumb. "I may not know you all that well yet. I may still be trying to figure you out. But I want you to know that even I can tell that your dad was right. He raised a warrior. That woman in there gave up someone that I cant get out of my head." Still staring in my eyes, he adds, "and the more I know about you. I don't want to shake you out of there. What are you doing to me, Ellie Grace?" I felt a smile on my face and his other thumb run across my knuckles. More than butterflies are beating their wings around inside my stomach. I almost feel dizzy.

"How about we go over here for a sandwich?" Cheryl speaks and I jump up off of the bench and away from Ethan as fast as I can. I have no idea how long she and Cal had been standing there, but now I'm even more embarrassed. "What do you think, Ellie? Wanna go to the Title Wave?" Ethan asked with a cocky grin. "Sure. Sounds great!" I heard Cal snicker under his breath. I know that my face is fire engine red. I feel hot on the inside.

After I drag Cheryl to my side and link our arms together, we walk about two thirds of a block and we're standing under a huge sign, in the shape of a wave. Across the sign it says, "The Title Wave: where the surf is always up!" Well, I guess that's semi-clever.

"Hello, welcome to the Title Wave. Four today?" The hostess's smile seemed to get wider as she looked at the men behind us. Then I noticed her nod slightly. I looked behind us but I couldn't tell what that nod was about. Maybe I'm just imagining things? "Yes four please!" Cheryl answers for our group. "Can we get a high-top table?" Cal asks. "Absolutely! Follow me!" The waitress leads us to a high-top table and passes out menus before she returns to the door.

I hoist myself into my chair at our round high top. I am barely five feet tall, so tall chairs can be tricky. Cheryl sits to my left, Ethan to my right, and Cal is between Ethan and Cheryl. "Sorry, we don't really fit in booths." Call gestures between Ethan and himself. "Yea, me too." I say jokingly. They all just saw me struggle to get into my chair and, of course, now I have to go to the bathroom. Great! I order my drink and sandwich when the waitress comes. Then I excuse myself and go to the ladies' room. Cheryl decides to come with me.

The door was barely closed before Cheryl dug in. "I think I heard most of the story and I gather that your mother was at the other restaurant? Are you okay?" She asks me quietly. "Yea. I guess she works there. I haven't laid eyes on her in sixteen years. I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing her again and I would have been fine with it." I told her. My words are stronger now and not fueled as much by hate or anger. "I want nothing to do with that woman, but the more I think about it, the more I want closure. That means I'll have to confront her. I wonder if she would even know her own daughter?"

"If you want, I can be there. I think you're right. Closure is always a good thing." Cheryl tells me as we wash our hands and get ready to go back to our table. She hugs me. "Together. We're going to get through all of this together, El. I promise!" I feel pressure building behind my eyes but I push it down. My dad always called me El. Some of my friends back home still do. It feels better coming from Cheryl, though. In such a short time, she already feels like family. "Together!" I replied and we headed out to join Ethan and Cal.

I couldn't help but stare at God-Man as I walked to the table. He smiles at me and my tummy does that thing again. Wow, when is that going to stop happening? Why does he send my nerves into overdrive? I mean sure, he's drop dead gorgeous and all that. But I should be getting used to that. I don't think his looks are what causes this. I think it's just him. It's like I can feel his eyes on me and as they roam I feel pins and needles light my skin.

Ethan and Cal stand, as we approach. They pull out our chairs for us. "Oh, you want to see the struggle a little better this time?" I asked with a laugh. He chuckles at me, "no I wanna solve your struggles. I want to help you. My mom is only five foot one. I help her all the time." He tells me and I c**k my head at him. "Just come here." He says as he reaches for me. He turns me around, his hands find my hips and he effortlessly picks me up, and sits me in the chair. I feel his breath on my neck before he straightens back out, sending cold chills down my spine. I turned to look at him as he returned to his seat on my right. "Thank you! That was much easier for me!" I smile at him. "You're welcome, warrior princess." He says with a wink as he takes his seat. That makes me laugh.

Our waitress brings our food and we all fall into a comfortable conversation. We learn that, while Cheryl and I are both from Ohio, Cal and Ethan are both from different parts of Pennsylvania. They met in college and have been best friends ever since. Ethan's parents still live in his childhood home and Cal recently lost his father to a long fight with cancer. That brings a tear to my eye and we all share our condolences. Cal thanks us but I can see it in his eyes, his grief is still fresh. It's hard losing a parent, no matter the circumstances. I told them about being a doctor and how much I love what I do. Of course, I am currently on a long leave of absence, but I avoid talking about that.

"Do you guys think I should confront her? My mother?" I asked the table. "I think you should put her through a table." Cal was the first to answer and I snorted out a laugh. "Thats what he said." I pointed at Ethan through my laughter. Ethan shrugs, "I stand by it!" He says. I shook my head, still chuckling. "I think closure can be a beautiful thing. However, I also think sometimes we never truly get the closure we need and that has to be okay too. I also know that I'd like to see the table demonstration again. So I'm kinda with them on this as well. Either way, whatever you decide, I'll be there." Cheryl says. I nodded. "I'll think about it. I honestly don't know if she would even know me." I shrugged. My looks have changed a lot since I was an awkward twelve-year-old girl. Sixteen years is a long time. Maybe I should leave her in my past because I know there isn't a place for her in my future.

I slid my card out of my wallet. I was going to buy our lunch. Come to find out Ethan had already paid, so I couldn't even argue about it. He didn't have to do that. "Okay. Fine. But next time, I'll buy." I told them. "I'm glad we can agree that there will be a next time but you will not be paying for my meal," Ethan says with that same cocky smirk as earlier. I rolled my eyes at him. Then I realized he had pushed my chair in. I debate how I'm going to wiggle out of it for a moment. Until he stands and pulls my chair back with me still in it. He must have read my mind. Cheryl laughs so hard at me. "Your face! You looked like you felt trapped! You're so tiny.." Cal wheezes, as he too finds it hilarious. "Careful. Our little warrior could put you through this table," Ethan teased. I smiled at him, grateful that he wasn't laughing at me. Not that their laughter bothers me. More because I would rather he saw the woman I am, not my childlike size.

That thought made me think of Evan again, but today it makes me smile. He rarely teased me about my height. Mostly, because he knew how much hell my high school bullies put me through.

Ethan offers me his hand to help me down from the tall chair and I take it. He doesn't let go of me as he guids us outside and I'm enjoying the feel of my hand in his again. Those darn butterflies are back in my stomach.

Cheryl's POV:

I watch Ethan as he helps Ellie down from her chair. From the look in her eye, I can tell she likes him. There's no denying it. Cal came to my side. We allow a little space between them and us. "I've never seen him like this with a woman. She's under his skin." Cal says in my ear. "He needs to be patient with her. She's not going to make this easy on him. I know she likes him too, but she's guarded and, while it isn't my story to tell, it is for good reason." I told him. We go through the doors, still keeping a safe distance between us. They're holding hands and she is laughing at something he said. They look stunning together and everyone walking around us takes notice.

"He is too, and also for good reason. This should be fun to watch." Cal tells me. "They look..they look like..I can't even say it because I'm afraid I'll jinx it." "They look right. I know what you mean. I noticed it at the restaurant last night. He almost tripped over himself when he saw her walk in. Ethan had never been off kilter before. Especially not from a woman being in the same room as him. He's always calm, confident, and calculating, but not with Ellie. His walls are down with her." Cal says what I was thinking. I nodded my agreement.

"Enough about them. What is your story, mystery girl?" He asks me with a panty-dropping smile. I'm in trouble with this man. I already know it. "Not much to say really. I'm a paralegal and I love what I do. My mom lives back home in Ohio with my step-dad. My twin brothers are both in college now on football scholarships. My father was never part of my life growing up. He was a professional athlete and never had the time for me. My mom and step-dad are great though. They met when I was five and the boys were almost two. He instantly became the father that we never had. I was married for four wonderful years. He died in a car accident two years ago." I tell him a general synopsis of my life. He took my hand. "I'm sorry for your loss. Death is hard. I can only imagine how hard that has been for you." He says quietly. "I'm doing better now. I started dating a few months ago because my mom wouldn't shut up about it. I'm glad I did! What I had with Ray will be hard to follow, but every terrible date doesn't make me sad, it makes me grateful. I'm grateful to have had someone who showed me what it's supposed to feel like." I smiled up at him. He's still holding my hand, even after I dropped the dead husband bomb. "You are a strong and beautiful woman, Cheryl. I'm glad I met you." He tells me sincerely. I smiled at him, "I'm glad to have met you as well. Thank you."

"I'm going to ask you a question. If you don't want to, you can say no. I won't be mad or anything..." He cleared his throat. "Would you like to have dinner with me later tonight? Or tomorrow? Or anytime?" He asks quickly. Is he nervous? Why on earth would I make HIM nervous? "I think I would like that! I don't have any plans tonight that I know of." I told him. The grin he gives me almost steals my breath. "You would? Really? Is eight okay? Semi-formal? I want to take you somewhere." Cal sounds excited and it makes me giggle. Dammit, he keeps making me giggle like a school girl and I can't seem to stop myself. "Eight is perfect and semi-formal will work for me. Why wouldn't I?" I asked him, still giggling. "Because...look at you. You're a whole goddess and while I'm not bad, I'm not even in your realm, let alone league." He tells me quietly. "You know that Ellie calls Ethan "God-Man" in her head?" We both laugh. "Please don't tell either of them that I told you that..she could kill me if she wanted.." I'm still laughing "The girls and I all talked about it last night. Anyhow, while we were talking, I might have called dibs on you. They don't make them like you where I'm from, big boy." I told him the last part shyly. I've never been the shy type. I'm usually a very, in your face, kind of person. Cal let's go of my hand and puts his arm around me to bring me closer, "I did the same when I saw you." He tells me in my ear.

We had closed the gap between us and Ellie and Ethan by the time we made it to the hotel. "Cal and I have to go to work for a few hours, but I'll see you tonight?" Ethan asks, looking at Ellie. "Okay, Cheryl and I are going to the beach. I'll see you at 8." Ellie says back quietly. I can see a twinkle in her eye. She really likes him. "I'll see you at eight, mystery girl. I can't wait!" Cal tells me before he and Ethan hail a cab. Then they're gone and both Ellie and I watch the cab pull away.

"We have a date tonight!" Both of us said at the same time. We turn and look at each other and dissolve into these girlish giggles again. "Shopping then the beach?" I ask. "Sounds perfect!" Ellie says with a huge grin.